A BOYFRIEND, Can you believe it!?!
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| Wed, 06-14-2006 - 12:30am |
I got the news from my eldest Aspie daughter today that she has a BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!
He is an Aspie from her program that is in the 7th grade. Now how cute is that. She didn't want to tell me at first but I am glad she did. I want lines of communication open so I know what is going on. I feel better about her being a "girlfriend" to an Aspie boy than an NT one honestly, lol.
But the general rule still holds. No kissing. NO dating. Etc. I haven't told her what etc means yet. UGH. I think we are going to have to have a "talk".
Of course today he hugged her. I guess they were watchng a basketball game at school and thier team won so he hugged her. I asked her how that felt. She said she was scared and surprised because she didn't expect it. I told her I think that perhaps he was looking for an excuse to hug her. She agreed.
I am glad school is over this week. She is horrible about phone calls and I doubt they will even exchange phone numbers. Then they won't be in the same periods next year most likely (hopefully) and this will just fade before I have to worry and be a happy memory.
Renee


YEAH **happy dance** Having that first boyfriend is HUGE step! Even if it's one that is doomed to fade away within the the week.
Dearest Renee,
Forgive my opinions sticking out all over the place, but why wouldn't you encourage this? Assist the young friends over the summer to get together? Have the boy and his family over? Let them have some time for happiness, learning, even arguing (obviously NOT leaving them completely alone for hours)? You don't KNOW this will fade, bu why let it?
The cool quota of having a boyfriend all by itself in junior high is terrific. The experience so good for both of them. And friendship is so difficult for our kids and needs nurturing, even if there are "stronger" feelings". They will need to learn about those, too.
But my niece who is now 16 has been having "boyfrinds" since Cait's age, and my sister has always just added the boys to the family, kept the friendships close to home.
Just my thoughts...
Sara
Our little girl is growing up.
That is so sweet.
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Wow! congrats to Cait :) I'm so glad my oldest is a boy.
Samantha
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Well, I have told her I want to meet him and I wouldn't mind having him over, getting to know the family, etc.
Here is my dilemma. Though I want to encourage friendships and feelings. I want her to be open with me, I still think she is too young for a real romantic relationship particularly emotionally. She doesn't understand it. She has Mitchell whom I have met, we have had over, they call each other, I know the parents and have encouraged. Mithcell is still very young and nieve as well and sweet.
AND this boy may be AS but he is still a boy. I have no idea what he knows about sex and where he is at in his puberty and hormones raging. I also don't know his parents, how he was raised and thier values or philosophies. I hear he is very tall so probably further along than Mitchell in puberty. He also was looking for a chance to hug her so if he is one of these sensory seeking types it could be trouble. I plan on getting to know this boy particularly if it sticks. However, at this point I know nothing other than he is a 7th grade AS student.
They would never have opportunity for dangerous behavior at home but I have heard horrible things that go on on middle school campuses through DH who is a district specialist. He has heard from principals and it isn't only restricted to the "bad" schools. Kids will bring vodka in water bottles, blow jobs in hidden areas, etc. Cait is still way to young emotionally for a full romantic relationship and couldn't handle the pressures from school in this kind of situation despite how she has been taught she is way to nieve and easily led. If it were to stay at an innocent young "boyfriend" type thing that would be ok but there are alot of influences at school that could be dangerous.
Also, there is the "other" part. My values and beliefs outside of the autism. Though a friendship type romance is fine now, I don't believe kids should be dating prior to about age 16. I really don't want them kissing or anything else prior to that either. Chastity is important to me for many reasons including building my kids self esteem. Though I know Emily could handle a relationship at that age and I could trust her and I trust Cait, I just don't trust other people around her.
This has always been my biggest fear with an ASD daughter. She could easily be led to do something unhealthy and I could easily end up a grandma.
At this age, crushes and little romances that come and quickly go I think are age appropriate. She really shouldn't be getting serious for some time.
I am VERY HAPPY for her. She feels special and someone thinks she is special. I hope he is a really nice boy with really nice parents. It would be nice if they stayed friends but no, at this time I am not going to push the romantic relationship. If they call each other on thier own I will support it and do all the parent things but I am not going to go out of my way to help it along just yet.
If she were 16 I would but she is only 12.
Renee
Edited 6/14/2006 1:01 pm ET by rbear4
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Edited 2/19/2008 9:56 pm ET by littleroses
I was talking to the kids therapist about this one today. How to explain. The problem is that Mr. Mike has suddenly hit puberty and some explaining now needs to be done but he is so conflicted adn those kinds of conversations are hard for him to comprehend and freak him out.
Dr. Sarah tells me she has a list of books that are for a bit younger kids which are concrete and visual without being TOO visual. She is supposed to get me a list and I will pass that on to you.
I also was doing some reading on different ASD books that address sexuality issues and puberty issues. I am gonig to see if I can get some from the library to help give me an idea on how to teach these things in a way they will actually get.
BTW, I had the "pleasure" of finding out I guess Mike kept checking out the therapists chest a couple weeks ago. It was totally one of these conflicted things like he had never noticed before so was curious yet really didn't want to look, etc. She said he had never done anything even remotely similar to that before so it was surprising. But he is a different kid. It is going to be hard to teach this part of life in a positive productive manner.
Renee