Can someone please explain this to me!!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Can someone please explain this to me!!?
6
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 8:11pm
we just got in from a walk of the neighborhood which i find an incredible stressful activity.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 8:35pm

My guess is that he's feeling too nervous to say "hi." So, yes, he *wants* to do it, but it's frightening for him. Of course, I don't know, but I can imagine myself in that situation as a child. Hopefully some other people will have more ideas.

Now that my David is almost in the 3rd grade, I notice that we see his classmates around the neighborhood (often with no parent in sight, which feels weird to me) and the kids say, "Hi, David!" He doesn't say "hi" back. When I ask him about it, he can't really tell me why he doesn't say hi. Sometimes I think it's because he doesn't recognize people out of context, but other times that clearly is not the issue. Just yesterday, a girl from his 2nd grade class said hello to him, and he gave her a "thumbs up," but there was no hint of a friendly smile. He had a look on his face that said, "Why are you speaking to me?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:44pm

Tina,


I agree with Evelyn,


It sounds almost like performance anxiety. Ya know, he really wants to do it, but freezes at the last minute.


I don't know what to do about it though..


-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 6:45am

Dear Tina,

He is trying. He wants to learn. That is great news and you can build on it! I would keep taking him out, make it a regular, planned outing and something to look forward to -- understand he IS having performance anxiety and this may take a long time, coach, coach, practise and guess what! He will probably start to say "hi". And then he will be so proud of himself. Make it a fun learning experiment, one with no timeline in mind. Give a reward for when he manages it. Don't let him feel he's failed when he doesn't manage it, just keep practising and looking forward to the next walk to say "Hi".

It can be hard on the heart to watch how much more challenging "simple" things like this are for our children, but conquering your own fear and pain and keeping your eye on the prize --- Bobby saying "Hi" and loving to do it -- will help you to stay positive and reinforce what he is trying to accomplish. Hooray for Bobby's desire to connect. Little sweetie. He can learn with patience and encouragement, you wait and see.

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 8:43am

I've been thinking about this some more.


Most

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 9:25am

Tina,

I have had some of those stressful neighborhood walks!

We went through this with Ryan also, and to a certain extent this is an ongoing lesson. With ds, he really didn't understand the basics of conversation at all. With people he knew, he could be talkative and engaged, but with others he really didn't know what to say. Like saying hi back to someone, I remember this happening every day when we walked into preschool. His teacher, the aid, the other kids, they would say "Hi Ryan" every day and he would just ignore them. He was about 4-5 at the time and I asked him why he didn't respond, and he told me he didn't really want to talk to them just then. He didn't realize he should say hi back anyway, he didn't need to start up a whole conversation. So we started to go over really basic stuff, using alot of role playing and practice. In preschool, the ST was really doing more with getting him to correctly produce certain sounds, like k and g. In kindy, the ST did more conversation stuff, as did the autistic support teacher, to help with this. We also use social stories. It is getting better.

Now that he's seven, we try and get him to use his conversation skills more in public, like ordering for himself in restaurants and buying a snack at the pool, stuff like that. Sometimes it's hard to not jump in and do the talking for him, but I found that he is learning better this way. And we still go over things that we notice he needs work on, like now.. it's answering a question when it's asked.. not 5 minutes later, lol. HTH

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 8:10pm

I had to basically train Adam over and over again to say hi first. Then I trained him to say my name is Adam. He has echolia (mispelled) so scripting helps him here. He is 3 and I had major breakthourgh at McDonalds 2 weeks ago. WE ate lunch outside after his preschool and a little boy came up to Adam and said "hi little boy, do you see me?" I guess cause we are working very hard on eye contact but getting there and then Adam just snapped to "HI!" and he looked over at me for approval and I just nodded and then you saw the wheels turning in that little head of his and then he touched his chest and said "Adam" . I could of cried cause it was the 1st time with out encourgement he did it on his own.
Hang in there, we worked our butts off. Now we are working on telephone talk.
But then there are kids who are not so nice................
Point in case, we are at the playground this week and Adam wanted to run with the other kids which I am all for anyhow. He walks up to this little girl says hi and says his name and then mentioned to "let's run" Girl looked at him like he had 3 heads!!!!!!!!!
I was upset, I spoke up as if she were shy and mommy will run with you.
Mini miricals............Work hard for them
Hugs mom

nora