Cant cope with life...please help!
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| Mon, 01-14-2008 - 3:58am |
Here goes a huge story that i will try and make short...
My husband and I were teen parents at 15. Had a second who has aspergers. Third child born with a syndrome and was sick first two years of life. Husband is bipolar and probably on the spectrum as well. First born is depressed and talking about suicide and doing self harm. I am really depressed. I just can't cope with it all anymore and neither can my husband. Therefore our kids are suffering...yet they our our problem. All the fighting and yelling and struggling just to parent them. Nobody knows the trials we have been through with pooping all over the house, spit at, getting bit, screamed at, things destoyed, tantrum after tantrum, etc etc etc. None of the kids get along. The schools are a pain... they just judge and act like we are the reason our kids have issues. Ya...maybe a small part but we would not have gotten this way if they were not so hard to parent...they are driving us crazy. Yet I love them so much and always feel so guilty for the life we all share. We try to get help and they make things worse. We had police go talk to them because middle child said we hurt him to the therapist. We cant even discipline them anymore because were afraid they will tell someone and well have dhs at our door. Things are so out of control and what do we do??? Nobody understands. Not the professionals, not family, not friends....they all think they know how they would do it and do it better they all think they know the "answers". I feel like a failure as a parent and feel resentment as well towards all the kids because I have no life and want to just run away from it all. It just seems hopeless. Please help us!!!.

Hi, and welcome to the board! I'm sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment. Parenting generally is a very tough job, and when you add in that you were pretty young when you started, and you have kids with special needs, that makes it even tougher. I hope we can find ways to help and support you here. The first thing for you to know is that you are not alone. Plenty of us have felt the kind of hopelessness and frustration that you are feeling now. It is particularly hard when the very people who should be helping you - teachers, social services, medical professionals - are part of the 'problem' rather than part of the solution.
There are a lot of people here with kids of different ages and with different needs (NT and spectrum) and it might help us to support you more if you give us a bit more information about you and your family. How old are your kids, how long have you had the diagnoses, what specific things are you finding challenging? We might have some practical, been-there-done-that solutions.
It sounds like you as an individual and as a family could do with some support in real life too. I don't know what the services are like where you are, but do you know of any local voluntary, parent-run support groups? I know that however well-meaning the professionals have been with us, some of the best help and support has come from other parents in the same situation, because they are much less judgemental and in some ways more knowledgeable than the
"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"
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Welcome.
Welcome!
You will find this is a GREAT place to unload, and have people who truly get what your talking about.
First it seems that you are really down on the support that you have tried to seek out.
I hope you are not on the verge of a breakdown... My heart goes out to you. You need lots of hugs right now. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} I know how hard it is to be strong when your loved ones need so much out of you. Have you considered any meds for yourself, your depressed child, and your DH? When things get really bleak for me, I go on anti-depressants. It's got some side effects, but it helps me cope during those times where I feel everything seems hopeless. If you can't get the support from people close to you, you can always rely on this board. I find this board to be a source of inspiration and immeasurable support. My friends of NT children don't understand. People here do.
-- Innie
Hello and welcome to the board.
I came on here earlier and I must have mised your post. I apologize for that.
I don't know if it helps you to know this, but many of us have been blamed for our children's issues. It doesn't seem to matter if you have an advanced degree or are a highschool dropout. They blame the parent. We even had a woman on here who was a child psychologist, and she was treated abominably
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
(((Hugs))))
My oldest son has a secondary diagnosis of "mood disorder NOS" to go along with asperger's, and your post brings back memories of how stressful life