Christmas Gifts
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| Sun, 11-12-2006 - 1:59am |
I posted a couple times on this board when my dd was dx'd a couple years ago, but haven't posted recently. I'm hoping that you can give me some advice on Christmas gifts.
My four year old is obsessed with dogs. The main topic of conversation is about our real dog, imaginary dogs, stuffed animal dogs, and dogs in movies. This has always been the case, but has increased over the past couple months.
Should I avoid getting her any dog themed toys for Christmas? Last year I bought her a doll and a doll house. She really showed no interest in them at all. I don't want to buy her toys she won't play with. She does like some imagination toys such as play food, dishes, doll clothes, but always uses them to feed/dress her stuffed dogs.
Any thoughts?

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LOL... you should read the LEGO thread. Short version... if dogs is her love, give her dogs. Why get her things she won't use? I mean, sure... branch her out a bit if you can... get her a dollhouse *with* a dog maybe to encourage her to play with the people now and then... but in the end... go with what she loves. :)
Now... I'm new and I may be wrong as it applies to your daughter and her dx and all... but that is basically the feeling expressed in the other thread and they made a lot of sense to me.
Kristy
I agree with the other Kristy......if she loves dogs, get her dogs. They have this little toys called the Littlest Pets....my nieces love them. They have little houses and shops (like doll accessories) except they are for pets.....dogs, cats, birds, etc. This type of gift involves dogs but it kind of branches into the doll area and also other animals. What about a computer game based on dogs......again, my nieces had one (can't remember the name) but that might bring her interest onto computers. Oh there are these adorable little stuffed animals that have a tag with a computer code so you can play with them virtually on the computer.....they are called Webkinz. Go to webkinz dot com and check it out.....my 8 yr old loves these guys. The stuffed toys are at card shops and they are under $10.....great price for the little toy and a year membership on the website.
just my two pennies.....
Christie
Welcome back to the board!!!!
I'm so glad you posted this.
I'm kind of in the same boat. My 3yo DS LOVES cars. He is obsessed with them. He takes a hot wheels car with him to the store, the doctors office, to the mailbox, etc. He has to park one outside of his room every night at bedtime. When I ask him what he wants for Christmas, his answer is always Hot Wheels cars. DH was just in Florida for a week for work and asked him what he wanted him to bring him back - he was near Disney World. DS was hoping for some cars. We have them all over the house. Every year we try and branch out - Mr. Potato Head, PlayDoh, crayons, legos. They're all collecting dust in the toybox. Everyone in the family knows about his love of cars so that's what they buy him.
The problem is his preschool teachers and his dev. ped. have all told us no more cars. His teachers have been a little less rigid and just suggested we steer him away from them or only let him play with them as a reward for playing with other stuff first, but the doctor said don't buy him any more cars and kind of suggested we take the ones he has away. I've been using them as incentives for potty training as well as gift ideas. So we've asked all of the family to buy him other things this year. I did suggest to people to maybe look for car-themed items, which with the new Disney movie isn't too hard. He's getting Cars pillows, clothes, bath towels, games. I did buy him a couple of the Cars character cars that he's been collecting and told people who had already bought him cars and trucks to go ahead and give them to him, but it's kind of sad that that's what he loves and wants and we're supposed to not let him have them. I understand why his teachers want him to learn to play with other things, but how do you tell your small child that he can't have the one thing he loves most?! Makes me feel like the grinch to ruin his Christmas. All I can say is thank goodness for Disney - all the themed items will at least lessen the blow!
I so understand where you are coming from. DD (12) has always been animals, DS (10) is all about Lego.
I would get the dog stuff for a few reasons.
1) It is christmas and with typical children we want to get them what they will enjoy, why not an ASD kid?
2) Ask Temple Grandin or other ASD adults or ASD specialists. Often kids on the spectrum who have a special interest can use that interest for thier future in a career. There are loads of great animal careers. I can spend a whole thread on what we have done with DD for that. and..
3) and most importantly, why waste your money? I have in teh past bought all kinds of things I thought typical kids thier age would like or that they should get to like and they collect dust. A complete waste.
If you want to buy toys to help teach her imagination skills or play skills then I would do that but in the context of buying her educational materials. You wouldn't buy an NT kid thier school supplies for christmas. It is the same thing.
For Christmas it is a time of childhood joy. Get the dogs.
BTW, I have done the other a bunch of times when the kids were younger and it was stupid. They are only little children for a short time. They can only have the magic of Christmas for a painfully small window. Enjoy the heck out of it by making her day a bit magical.
Renee
The Cars themed stuff is a great idea - do you think he'd enjoy coloring books and stuff like that with Cars (or Hot Wheels for that matter - I know my son can tell the difference between a HW and something else lol)??
I'm glad you are taking advice from your doctors...I want to encourage you to remember you get to make the final decisions here though.
Does the doctor have any children on the spectrum? Does he know any adults personally on teh spectrum? Ya know if I loved to bake and for christmas I really wanted a new mixer but my DH thought that instead I should learn to sew (which I hate) and got me a sewing machine and took away all my baking stuff because that is what he thought I needed since I was too obsessed with baking, I would be kind of ticked. (I don't like baking btw, I should have said wine, lol)
Funny when typical children are interested in something it is thier strength, hobby or interest. We support it and help them hone thier skill. (For instance the kid who is into baseball, we sign him up for the first team when he is 5) When an ASD kid is interested in something it is an obsession and must be stopped.
My point is what I said to the OP. It is christmas. I don't mind getting them some other things that may be good for them (stockings are usually a bunch of sensory stuff) but why get them things they won't enjoy?
If they need to learn new play skills then treat those objects like school supplies and get them for the educational purpose but Christmas is for magic, wonder, families and happiness. Not for curing an ASD person of there "obsession"
BTW, as I said also in the other post, many will tell you that if a child with ASD has a special interest then it is a great area to hone toward thier future career and you can even use it to teach skills.
Dang, that doctor ticked me off! lol.
Renee
Not to add fuel to the flame, but I have to agree with Renee on this one.
Lots of doctors and educators use THEORY to try to convince spectrum parents do handle our children in certain ways. But with experience we learn that theory and practice can be worlds apart. What the "professionals" may not understand is that often preventing a child from engaging in their obsession(s) can make matters worse. If said obsession is what helps him/her find comfort in a world of chaos, taking that obsession away can truly be devasting. Often you'll find that what could be a "passing obsession" will last much, much longer because of the theory that you shouldn't allow spectrum children to engage in said obsession.
Please don't misunderstand, I'm not telling you to go against the doctor's advice. Just try to remember that what a doctor reads in some medical journal may not be what's best for your child. You're the mom, follow your gut AND your heart. If giving the child Hot Wheels will help your 3 year old potty train, then I say, STOCK UP! By the time he's 5, you'll be spending all your money on Legos anyway! LOL
Amy
Ya know though, I don't think this particular doctors advice is par for the course anymore.
At the conference I went to a couple weeks back there were a number of highly respected professionals in the autism field as well as adults with autism. The part I said about obsessions only being obsessions when it is someone with autism basically came from a few of those talks. They also largely promote using a childs strengths and interests particularly for future career as well as teaching skills.
This isn't the only place I have heard this. It has gotten to be fairly common.
I think that many professionals may tell you to attempt to broaden a childs interests and teach them new skills/introduce them to new things. That isn't bad. But to totally take away thier special interest? That is just cruel.
When Cait was in preschool her problem was animals. The teacher had to put away all her animal toys because Cait wouldn't do anything else include attending to the lesson. That was fine there because it was learning time. However, she still had all her animals at home and no one ever suggested I take those away. Then at school when she started doing better about attending to other things they did start breaking out the animals again slowly.
One thing they wanted to do was to make her more social by taking away the animals. They thought that if they put them away she wouldn't be obsessed and she would socialize more. Didn't happen. Just taking her interest away didn't make her interested in other kids. They realized their error in that pretty quickly.
Now, at this point in her life where would I be if I had taken away all her animals? She spends her entire Saturday volunteering at a theraputic horsemanship program. She is one of thier best volunteers because she loves animals and empathizes with the kids that ride. We have moved on from play animals to the real kind and have more pets than we know what to do with and they are very theraputic for her and we have plans already for her future career and how she will get thier with animals.
For a child with a car obsession. Well when he is about 12 or so he could help at car wash fundraisers and maybe start a few of his own. Volunteering is great for these kids. When he is 16 he could get a part time job (with job coaching through something like workability if he needs it) at a car repair place even if it is a jiffylube. He could move on from there to get one of many jobs with cars.
Just think, if you take away the car obsession when he gets older you might get really lucky and he will be obsessed with video games like many of our kids and I have yet to figure out how to turn that into a volunteer job or lucrative career.
Renee
Basically I agree with the others, get the kid what she wants. Obsessions will not be broken by denying them. If you can
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