Communication

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Communication
7
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 3:10am

My son is 11. I am so frustrated of not understanding the things he says. He not understanding the things I say. It's a huge communication problem.

Tonight he was harrassing his little brother. BIG TIME. Like always. Edging him on. Putting him down. Cussing. He kicked another hole in the wall.

Another hole means 6.

He is on abilify for his mood disorder. He takes a pill at night and a pill in the morning. But he still is aggressive with us.

When I went into his room to talk to him he started talking about his meds. He said "I heard the Doc saying that he was testing this med." I was like huh? Testing like in what? He didn't know what to say at this point. He clamed up and I was confused with his response.

Then I said well no, testing means that you do tests with people, and this medicine is supposed to work well for you. He finally (after 15 min of pulling it our of him) said that he felt his meds weren't working for him.

I think it's partly because of school and possibly meds. He has big time problems of going to school/or going to the nurse often claiming to be throwing up. The school makes me pick him up but when we get home he is fine. He eats, he can play, imo no sickness.

I and other office people have heard him "pretending to throw up" in the bathroom they have in the office but the office ladys like to be careful, saying well you know the flu is going around etc...

When they call me I try to say "can you keep him there for a while and try to get him back to class before I pick him up?" They try but he always ends up coming back to the office. This happens at least once a week and sometimes 2 to 3 times.

The teacher has acknowledged that he is faking it, but if I feel if she doesn't allow him to go to the office, he will have the same problem as last year and just stop going to school..... It was so bad he was sarb'd and missed the last 2 1/2 months of school.

I pick him up every day and ask "What was the best part of your day?" to get him to give me details. He won't. He refuses. He gets frustrated and just won't talk. Then I say "Whats the worst part of your day" he does the same thing.

I try to look for clues and ask him things about his education and other things, but what he says doesn't make sense and I just don't understand him.

I am trying to figure out why he is doing the nurse thing so I can help him in school. But when he won't tell me, it's stressful.

And then I try to have a convo with him and it just doesn't work out. I just want to explode sometimes. I just want to have a convo with my son, and I want someone to help me. When it's minor things, you can see he will have a convo, but when it's big or important things that matter the most, you just don't see them.

ARGHHHHH

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: tebald
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 9:03am

Ah, Lainie.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: tebald
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 9:46am

Hi Lainie,

Just a note from communication with my own son, who is so highly verbal that most don't think this could still be a problem. Ds has trouble with too broad of questions, like "What is the best time of your day?" is just too much thinking and he's not exactly sure what I am asking for and he just shuts down. But if I start by using a sentence like "So there's math in the afternoon. Do you have an easy time in math? Or hard?" Then I am going to get answers. I think of it as painting the picture or parameters of the subject first, then asking a specific question about the previous statement.

Malcolm doesn't always need this, and he will usually say "Never mind" or "I don't want to answer that" if I have put question etc. in too broad of terms. He doesn't yet say "Could you be more specific in that question?" ... but I hope someday he will be able to.

Sara

Avatar for toryanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: tebald
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 11:25am

Lainie,


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: tebald
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 3:01pm

I wish I could offer you more, Lainie- but here's a hug.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: tebald
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 4:38pm

Thank you all for your shoulder to lean on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
In reply to: tebald
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 7:11pm

Lainie,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: tebald
Wed, 01-23-2008 - 8:10pm

Thats what I was thinking too.