Control issues or just 'AS meltdowns'???

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Registered: 12-20-2004
Control issues or just 'AS meltdowns'???
1
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:16pm

A few of you may recall our situation. I post every so often. I have an adopted going on 10 yr. old brother w/ Aspergers and ADHD. He's in the 3rd grade and high functioning, but is hyper and has began to shake his hands so rapidly when he's excited that it looks painful. He's on clonodine several times a day to calm him. A few meds. have been tested, like Strattera and Concerta, but he was having some side effects (I posted about this last week, which rbear? (thank you) mentioned that my brothers behaviors sounded a bit bipolar; to which I've mentioned to my mother)

So here we are, family is now all living in the same town, after years of being apart. Hopefully you have enough history to lend some insight. The major family hurdle that we are dealing with is being together. It's very sad, since we spent so many years apart (only seeing eachother on the holidays). But family get-togethers are proving to be too much adjustment wise for my brother.

Here's an example (and the way it always goes):
*we make plans to get together
*my brother will begin to have a fit because he doesn't want us to walk outside/go to the park/or do anything that doesn't require us being at his house where my going on 4 yr. old sits in my brothers room and is happily held hostage watching my brother play video games (THIS HAS COME TO AN END--NO MORE VIDEO GAMES OR COMPUTER GAMES WHEN MY DS IS AROUND!!!)
*so my brother will either comply, so he can see my DS, or he throws a fit

the fit goes like this:

whining, whining, repetitive wanting his way---not getting his way??? open mouth, scrunched face, then he belts out the loudest most infantile scream and cry (that doesn't stop) that makes my almost 2 yr old and almost 4 yr old think that my brother has grown 2 heads (it is really scaring them and could have potential negative impacts in their behavior???)

So today, he started to do this before we showed up to my sisters house, so my father removed my brother from the house and took him home. My father later told me that he did not tell my brother that we were actually at my sisters house (to avoid a tantrum?!) and my father tells me he basically lies to my brother because he has a condition.

My mother later told me she told him the truth. That we were there. My issue is that my brothers behavior got out of hand because we (DS/DD) were on our way over to my sisters house, where my brother was visiting. Because of his behavior, because my brother only wanted my DS to be at HIS house, he was removed and my father took him home. So my kids missed out seeing my brother and my father. I am not doubting that they didn't do the right thing by just removing him and letting him understand there are consequences to his behavior, I just would like some insight on if you feel my brothers tantrums are normal for AS or way over the top.

I feel like we cannot all be together as family due to his Aspergers. In order to keep my brother HAPPY, I feel it's best to have seperate visits for shorter times. Sad to say, but I had a very nice visit w/ my mom and sister w/ just my kids. If my brother was to be there, he tries to get my son to do whatever he's doing (so it's a puppy dog syndrome for my son) and my brother is just impulsive and into/onto everything.

help!?

-melanie

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:37am

Melanie,

I remember your previous post. Sounds like my son and your brother sure have a lot in common! It's better for us now that he's on Trileptal (mood stabilizer), meaning that he doesn't put anyone in danger anymore, or make blood-curdling screams in the supermarket because wouldn't park the shopping cart so that it is physically touching the glass of the deli case (true story). He no longer throws a fork at your head if you offer him a piece of toast he didn't want. But, to a pretty large extent, our family is still very much ruled by his inflexibility. We no longer walk on eggshells around him, but we don't get much done, either, because he makes it so hard to do anything that isn't one of his preferred activities. Letters to friends go unwritten, basic house repair goes undone, etc.

We've been wanting to buy some shelves for ages, and every weekend, David just wants to play Legos. He wants to build, then play with what he built, then draw a picture of some Lego-related scene...and even if we all get in the car, he'll just continue. Two weekends ago, we FINALLY managed to get to a store that sells unfinished wood furniture. As soon as we got there, he had a fit because he suddenly can't stand the smell of wood. He's complaining so much, we can't think. Then he discovers that if he sprints up and down the isles, and skids under tables, he doesn't notice the smell. Well, of course, we had to leave, before he broke something. We can't go ANYWHERE with him (or his brother, who has David as his #1 role model.) Oh, and we have no babysitter, so DH and I have no life at all.

I was just reading in a book about AS, that AS kids divide everything into two groups: Things they love and things they hate. If they don't "love" it (Lego, video games) then they "hate" it. That's David. I always figured I do thing with my kids, like play board games or play catch in the front yard. Nope. Try to get David to do things like that, and it's like pulling teeth. Anyway, you are asking if what your brother is doing is a "control issue" or "AS meltdown", and I'm guessing it the latter. Not playing video games really IS difficult for him, and I think that's an AS issue.

I've mentioned before that my son is also dx with bipolar NOS, but that's one that the doctor has admitted she isn't 100% sure of. She said that if it weren't for the fact (strong suspicion, really) that he's had some psychotic episodes, she'd probably just lump all the symptoms together under "Asperger's". AS is different in every kid. The fact that those two medications had an adverse affect on your brother, does kind of make me suspect bp, but I'm no expert. I find that it's REAL easy for me to say, "Oh, that kid is similar to David, so he must have the same disorder and need the same treatment", so I need to be careful.

Take care,

Evelyn