I get a lot of that over my 6yo DD! She makes decent eye contact when out of the home, and is usually pretty 'outgoing'. But at home or with regular service providers it's a different story altogether. I even get it from some of my neighbors, who insist she's just a discipline problem. Some of the neighbors 'get it' though... the ones with autistic cousins or nieces or whatever.
I just had the same convo with her new dentist. I took my older DD, who is 'obviously' autistic the week before and he expected the younger one to act like the 11yo (zero eye-contact, handflappuing, cognatively impaired, etc). All through the set-up he kept asking "Are you sure she has Asperger's?"... YES! absolutely sure! They need to see her spin in circles for hours on end, or stand on her head for that long too. Or mimic behaviors, or repeat the same word/phrase over and over and over, or freeze up when faced with new kids in her own age group, or explode over tiny things because she doesn't realize she can fix it herself, or get overstimmulated from too many people for too long, or... well, you get it. But the dentist didn't. His hygenist was good about it. She kept trying to explain to him that Aspies aren't cognatively impaired, by definition of the dx, and can usually wait till they get home to fall apart. I think she had a clue with Aspies, but not so much with Auties, because in her comparisons she wasn't giving them much credit (I had to bite my tongue over a few things).
Anyhooo, yeah, it's frustrating as heck. When I get confronted with new people like that I tend to say "Bring it up with UCDavis and Children's Hospital Oakland. They both diagnosed her with the same thing independantly." Then play up the 'I'm just the poor clueles mom who doesn't have an IQ.' bit. ~Snort~
I am a bit ticked because when we picked up the kids from Camp today Mike had a big scratch across his neck. Turns out that they were at Boomers and they let him drive a go cart by himself. Well he couldn't figure out how to stop it and crashed.
The aide they have is used to more lower functioning kids and what often happens then is that they expect kids who are verbal to be much more able than they are. Mike cannot drive one of these on his own. He can barely tie his shoes. He is pretty classic autistic in many ways but he is very verbal and bright.
Cait is the oldest and tallest kid there. I will admit, Cait can blend pretty well if you don't know what AS is. Even then she may seem quirky, difficult, etc until you get to know her. Some of the aides thought she was there as a helper. I would consider her and every professional that knows her considers her a classic strike zone aspie.
I am in a mood because tomorrow is a water park and I am nervous. I hope to heck the aide learned her lesson today as Mike is a bit of a mess. But he had a great time. I hope I still have 2 kids tomorrow.
DH tells me that he knows 2 of the aides there that work in classrooms with kids like Mike and Cait. There is a special program down there for more verbal (HF) kids who can't handle typical classrooms and those 2 work there. He wants them to be the aide.
Their aide is nice and all, she just doesn't get it yet and it is frustrating.
oh, I so understand! I say, "my son has autism" and we get "oh, but he doesn't flap and he talks". ya, but he also doesn't understand what you're telling him necessarily and he doesn't understand ANY body language or social cues. Depending on the kind of mood he's in he'll have very exaggerated eye contact (opens his eyes REALLY wide and won't blink for a LONG time) or just evasive eye contact. I even had a bit of this w/ his teachers last year-- they just kept telling me how normal he was, later in the year his main two teachers both said "oh, yea, once Weston's comfortable he's definitely got all the typical autie traits, he's just better able to handle normal situations than most!" I think that means his therapy and supports are working! He's still his quirky self but able to keep from losing it in most situations.
The little kids have dentist appointments on Thursday. A new dentist that I went to and took the older 2 to on Monday. I've already tried to warn them about him. But I'm sure they won't get it. I have to remind them right before we go in that he needs EXTRA explaination about everything they'll do to him. I've been very impressed at how well they dealt w/ me and w/ DS#1 and all his sensitivities, so this will be the test.
I agree Betsy. In fact, DH said yesterday, just give them a couple days to show thier true colors at camp.
I have a funny (ok maybe not so funny) story on this one from Monday.
Mike is in Karate. I have explained to the sensei in the past about his diagnosis but for the last couple months Mike really has gotten the hang of the routine and works really hard so he is blending pretty well. I am proud of him. But the sensei forgot about his differences it seems (teaches for 3 cities park and rec programs etc). He also doesn't really understand all of what it means. Monday after a full day of camp and taking a makeup and regular karate class he couldn't hold it together anymore. He was stimming, off task, not hearing etc. Once Mike starts stimming again and the sensei says sarcastically "Can't you stop moving". Then because Mike couldn't focus and do moves he is usually good at the sensei singled him out to do them over and over. Mike made it through without a meltdown and only a couple growls. I was proud of him but it was frustrating as all get out. I would explain again to the sensei but why bother if he will forget again.
Cait was in the white belt class. I haven't bothered explaining her dx because it is likely the teacher wouldn't believe it, wouldn't realize when it is her disability that is affecting her, or would forget. Well he was making them do a move on Monday that between her dyspraxia and her aspergers she just could NOT get. He kept singling her out to do it over and over because she looks at least 5 years older than the rest of the kids in that white belt class.
She wanted to quit half way through the class but I told her she was ok and she did make it through. I am proud of her because she quits tough things easily. Then this week I will teach it to her at home in a way she understands.
And I can't sleep because I am worried about the kids going to knott's soak city today with camp. I am just afraid that they are going to assume they are more able than they are and not keep a good enough eye on them or make some bad decisions.
Ohhhh Dee,
I get a lot of that over my 6yo DD! She makes decent eye contact when out of the home, and is usually pretty 'outgoing'. But at home or with regular service providers it's a different story altogether. I even get it from some of my neighbors, who insist she's just a discipline problem. Some of the neighbors 'get it' though... the ones with autistic cousins or nieces or whatever.
I just had the same convo with her new dentist. I took my older DD, who is 'obviously' autistic the week before and he expected the younger one to act like the 11yo (zero eye-contact, handflappuing, cognatively impaired, etc). All through the set-up he kept asking "Are you sure she has Asperger's?"... YES! absolutely sure! They need to see her spin in circles for hours on end, or stand on her head for that long too. Or mimic behaviors, or repeat the same word/phrase over and over and over, or freeze up when faced with new kids in her own age group, or explode over tiny things because she doesn't realize she can fix it herself, or get overstimmulated from too many people for too long, or... well, you get it. But the dentist didn't. His hygenist was good about it. She kept trying to explain to him that Aspies aren't cognatively impaired, by definition of the dx, and can usually wait till they get home to fall apart. I think she had a clue with Aspies, but not so much with Auties, because in her comparisons she wasn't giving them much credit (I had to bite my tongue over a few things).
Anyhooo, yeah, it's frustrating as heck. When I get confronted with new people like that I tend to say "Bring it up with UCDavis and Children's Hospital Oakland. They both diagnosed her with the same thing independantly." Then play up the 'I'm just the poor clueles mom who doesn't have an IQ.' bit. ~Snort~
~SG_1Niner
Ya know, it can happen regardless.
I am a bit ticked because when we picked up the kids from Camp today Mike had a big scratch across his neck. Turns out that they were at Boomers and they let him drive a go cart by himself. Well he couldn't figure out how to stop it and crashed.
The aide they have is used to more lower functioning kids and what often happens then is that they expect kids who are verbal to be much more able than they are. Mike cannot drive one of these on his own. He can barely tie his shoes. He is pretty classic autistic in many ways but he is very verbal and bright.
Cait is the oldest and tallest kid there. I will admit, Cait can blend pretty well if you don't know what AS is. Even then she may seem quirky, difficult, etc until you get to know her. Some of the aides thought she was there as a helper. I would consider her and every professional that knows her considers her a classic strike zone aspie.
I am in a mood because tomorrow is a water park and I am nervous. I hope to heck the aide learned her lesson today as Mike is a bit of a mess. But he had a great time. I hope I still have 2 kids tomorrow.
DH tells me that he knows 2 of the aides there that work in classrooms with kids like Mike and Cait. There is a special program down there for more verbal (HF) kids who can't handle typical classrooms and those 2 work there. He wants them to be the aide.
Their aide is nice and all, she just doesn't get it yet and it is frustrating.
Renee
oh, I so understand! I say, "my son has autism" and we get "oh, but he doesn't flap and he talks". ya, but he also doesn't understand what you're telling him necessarily and he doesn't understand ANY body language or social cues. Depending on the kind of mood he's in he'll have very exaggerated eye contact (opens his eyes REALLY wide and won't blink for a LONG time) or just evasive eye contact. I even had a bit of this w/ his teachers last year-- they just kept telling me how normal he was, later in the year his main two teachers both said "oh, yea, once Weston's comfortable he's definitely got all the typical autie traits, he's just better able to handle normal situations than most!" I think that means his therapy and supports are working! He's still his quirky self but able to keep from losing it in most situations.
The little kids have dentist appointments on Thursday. A new dentist that I went to and took the older 2 to on Monday. I've already tried to warn them about him. But I'm sure they won't get it. I have to remind them right before we go in that he needs EXTRA explaination about everything they'll do to him. I've been very impressed at how well they dealt w/ me and w/ DS#1 and all his sensitivities, so this will be the test.
I hope you're able to get through to everyone!
Betsy
I agree Betsy. In fact, DH said yesterday, just give them a couple days to show thier true colors at camp.
I have a funny (ok maybe not so funny) story on this one from Monday.
Mike is in Karate. I have explained to the sensei in the past about his diagnosis but for the last couple months Mike really has gotten the hang of the routine and works really hard so he is blending pretty well. I am proud of him. But the sensei forgot about his differences it seems (teaches for 3 cities park and rec programs etc). He also doesn't really understand all of what it means. Monday after a full day of camp and taking a makeup and regular karate class he couldn't hold it together anymore. He was stimming, off task, not hearing etc. Once Mike starts stimming again and the sensei says sarcastically "Can't you stop moving". Then because Mike couldn't focus and do moves he is usually good at the sensei singled him out to do them over and over. Mike made it through without a meltdown and only a couple growls. I was proud of him but it was frustrating as all get out. I would explain again to the sensei but why bother if he will forget again.
Cait was in the white belt class. I haven't bothered explaining her dx because it is likely the teacher wouldn't believe it, wouldn't realize when it is her disability that is affecting her, or would forget. Well he was making them do a move on Monday that between her dyspraxia and her aspergers she just could NOT get. He kept singling her out to do it over and over because she looks at least 5 years older than the rest of the kids in that white belt class.
She wanted to quit half way through the class but I told her she was ok and she did make it through. I am proud of her because she quits tough things easily. Then this week I will teach it to her at home in a way she understands.
And I can't sleep because I am worried about the kids going to knott's soak city today with camp. I am just afraid that they are going to assume they are more able than they are and not keep a good enough eye on them or make some bad decisions.
Renee