Curious .... clothing issues, etc.
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| Fri, 07-07-2006 - 4:30pm |
OK - for several months when my ds was three, he refused to wear anything but a particular pair of pajamas. So I got 6 or 7 sets of the ones he liked.
At some point, he finally decided it was OK to wear clothes and his favorite thing was shirts with blue stripes and blue pants. They didn't have to be identical - phew! - and he actually chose several of the shirts himself. The pants I made at home so I could make them the way he wanted them. He finally got to feeling OK about wearing sweat pants from the store.
Finally the beginning of this winter, he was amenable to wearing all kinds of different shirts. For several months, he had fun picking out what he was going to wear each day and putting the clothing into day-of-the-week cubbies. Sometimes I had trouble getting him to pick something out and to get dressed, but at least he liked his clothes and I was tickled that he didn't look the same each day.
So, we are in summer and his Dad got him some shorts he really has liked. Because it seems to help if we've got more than one of something he likes to wear, I went and got a few more pairs of that type of shorts. I noticed that the store had shirts that could be paired with the shorts - but it is so late in the season, there was only one shirt in the right size. I picked it up - what the heck - it was only $3.
So this morning when my ds was picking out his clothes, we ended up having a huge tantrum/meltdown. The problem was that now the other shorts 'needed' the shirt that matched to them! Arggghhh! Is this type of thing typical? Just when you think you've got it figured out, something happens and your kid reacts violently and you feel like you are back at square one. It took about 45 minutes to get him settled down and be willing to accept the choices he had available to him.
When I tried to talk about it at work, people said that I just needed to tell him to get dressed or take him to daycare with no clothes on. Can you imagine doing that? Has anyone tried that? I did once and it was horrible! I explained what would happen if I had tried to force him into the van with no clothes on. They seemed to think that if I got my ex to help out more, somehow that'd help - that we just needed to be consistent and that, of course, my son knew what he was doing, that his behavior was thought out and deliberate. Perhaps that is possible???? He is only 6, so I cannot imagine that he is truly being deliberate about this.
I guess I am surprised that it seems like sometimes, I'll find something that works with my ds - like the clothing cubbies - and then after a few months, he loses interest or becomes obsessed about some other aspect of whatever it is. Does that happen to any of you out there???
I feel rather at the end of my rope today and so frustrated. Sometimes I'm just so surprised what will set off my ds. Sometimes all it takes is for me to say anything at all when he doesn't want his thoughts interrupted!
Edited 7/7/2006 4:34 pm ET by abbynwb

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I haven't read any of the other posts (short on time right now) so I'll just keep this to my own expiriences.
Yes, I've had those exact problems with my DDs, especially my now 11yo. She refused to wear shoes at all until she was almost 4 and then she was very picky about them. I ended up finding only one pair of shoes that she would wear, so I not only bought several but invested over $150 on buying 2 sets in each size in the exact color she wanted (they were $6/pr). I had a few people tell me how incredibly odd that was, and even a few who thought I was completely loony. But they didn't have to live with her and they didn't see what her reaction was to other shoes. One lady was particularly nasty about it and made the mystake of telling one of my best friends that she was planning on calling CPS on me (I gues weirdness is a crime now, lol). So, my friend called me immediately and I brought the boxes of the old shoes, most that had never been worn, that my DD wouldn't wear, down to where this woman was and gave it to her. "I thought about returning the majority of these," I told her, "but I'm sure you can find some worthy charity to donate them too instead." It was over 400 pairs of little girl shoes (my entire family was helping me look for a pair DD would wear). We never heard another peep out of the woman.
DD 11 still has her clothing issues, but it's okay. She's worked on broadening her options and we've sttled into having patience. Our biggest problem with her right now is getting her to give up a particular skirt/tank top outfit she's taken to long enough for someone to wash it. She sews like a whip-dandy so I'm trying to convince her to use that outfit as a template to make more. The outfit it's self was a gift from a friend and the friend can't remember for the life of her what store it came from. And there's a reason my mom and I went overboard making sure DD could sew so well! LOL. She doesn't like the majority of things that can be found in stores, but she's got ideas of her own, so we taught her to make them. That has helped tremendously!
Anyhoo, just wanted to say, yes, I understand. And those people at work have no clue. Do what you think is right, even if goes 'against the norm'.
~SG_1Niner
You've gotten some great advice but I'll share the story of the day I took ds to daycare in his underwear.
This was pre-dx, when I had no idea why he was so particular about clothes, ect.
Thanks for the info. That is interesting what worked for you.
I've tried to force my kid into the van once - since he's six now, it was really hard and pretty horrible and it still took a long time for him to calm down once we got to daycare. Since I am currently trying to heal from a cracked rib (from coughing when I had bronchitis), I didn't want to even attempt it this time around.
I noticed you are a single mom, too. How do you manage all this on your own? I am so exhausted sometimes.
Actually, my boss is being fairly understanding at this point. We have a deal where I do my best to get to work between 9 and 10 a.m. Then I work six hours and I'm done. Works for now since I am only part-time. The other morning, by the time I got to work, it was 10:40 - but I explained what happened and she was OK with it. I hope that understanding continues....
I honestly don't know how I do it.....I know I can't do it without God, that's for sure.
And as for this episode, I'm not sure how I forced him into the car/seatbelt either.
it's good to know we're not the only ones dealing with a thumb sucking thing.
Mike can still do this about getting dressed in the AM. I have had to do this a few times as well. Fortunately Mike is not my first drop in the morning and he just had to stay in the car. Plus he has a long enough history with me to know that mom will follow through. It comes down to "Mike, I am leaving now and I am not leaving you home. You can choose to get dressed and come on your own or I will carry you and put you in the car". He always gets dressed and comes. I think once or twice I had to put him in the car in his jammies but like I said he wasn't getting out of the car so the jammies aren't a big deal at that point.
I could also threaten that I am leaving without him and that would work for him but it isn't nice and I wouldn't recomend it. Most kids would take you up on that, but Mike has severe separation anxiety. THough I have been known to say "I am leaving now and it is your choice whether you get in the car or not". He always gets in.
Renee
Dear Boardies,
I loved reading these posts. These are the kinds of problems that are routine for many of our kids, and the parents of other kids just don't get it.
I will offer one success story:
My son is nearly 5. He has the hardest time with everything in the morning. (The sun is too shiny, the tiles in the bathroom are too shiny, he is cold or hot or coughing with allergies, his brother is too noisy, the birds arn't tweeting with a nice voice, Mommy's coffee smells horrible, the scab on his knee is itchy, and hundreds more complaints.) Fabrics and tags that are fine when he is in a better mood are also unexceptable in the morning.
Therefore, he changes into the next day's underwear and shirt at night. In the morning, he needs only to add bottoms. It solves all of the temperature issues. (We used to have to sit on his shirt like hens on eggs to get it warm enough. A shirt right from the drawer was too cold; popping the shirt into the dryer made it too hot!) Since his underwear touches his skin, it is a bigger issue for him than the pants or shorts. It also allows him to pick what he wants (for example, at the moment he only likes clothes with flowers on them) while he is in a better mood in the evening. This better mood is very valuable. For example, he is able to tolerate when his favorite item is in the wash at night better than in the morning.
This "works" because we are lucky enough that he is and has been completely dry overnight since 3 1/2. But if he were not, the shirt would still help in my house.
This summer, he was much better about changing to short sleeve and pant leg lengths. But over the last two summers, we used to send him to daycare in long sleeves and pants, and packed him summer clothes for when he felt too hot and wanted to change. He usually asked to change before they went outside, and the teacher thought that he used it partly as an excuse to have a little alone time with an aide to help him transistion to go outside to play.
Yours,
Sidney
I have found the oddest things sometimes helped clothing issues.
For DD; brushing therapy helped with some clothing
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
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