defining terms

I don't think that is defiant either, though I would say difficult. I don't think he is being difficult on purpose, but it is a difficult situation to get through. I consider it defiant when they will NOT do what you have requested. You stated that your ds will go upstairs with you and take a time out. Though I believe with my kiddo's that being defiant is sometimes out of their control as well. ie, they are so into what they are doing they cannot yet transition to a new thing or they are so upset they can't do it yet. DH calls it sticky thinking. For instance, in the situation you discribed, I can honestly see Mike kicking, screaming and fighting about not going with me to take a time out. He would also argue imensly during the timeout insistent that he was not wrong. Although when he is done he is also very sorry.

Renee

LOL, oh yeah, Jade deffinately has problems with other people touching her stuff. She learned to write her name for the sole perpose of labling everything that belonged to her. She screams and does her mojo (severe hand-flapping) when people touch her things. But like you I don't call it defient, I know this is part of her disorder for her. It's only difficult because she sets off a chain-reaction in the other kids. I've gotten so used to having to 'talk her down' that it seems natural now.

There are other areas with her that can be considered 'difficult'. She is constantly interupting or speaking to adults in inappropriet ways. But again, this is due to her AS and we have gotten used to gently correcting her when she is out of line. She is actually pretty good about her manners most of the time.

Ayla is pretty much the same, minus the possesiveness over her belongings. She IS possesive, but she calmly, if not sternly, tells people when they have crossed the line with her. Where she seems the most difficult is in how she speaks to others. She is completely oblivious to how other people feel and how she sounds to them. To make matters worse, she doesn't see what the big deal is about 'courtious manners'. She understands certain courtasies, like telling someone when she is leaving the house even after we were made aware that she would be leaving at a certain time. But she doesn't understand why people get insulted when she points out the obvious, like the time she asked one of our neighbors if she could get a refund on the infuffiant dye job she had just had done. To Ayla it was a logical question. The color of Betty's hair really WAS attrocious, and Ayla didn't think that she should have to pay for it since it obviously (to her) wasn't done write. LOL, this is what I live with. Ayla is constantly correcting people when she believes they are wrong, and thanks to her massive stores of arkaine knowledge this is pretty much all the time.

Candes