Kirsty, I'm sure I'd be mortified to see a video of myself "dealing" with David when he was little. Thank goodness no such video exists.
I remember one day when he was about 4.5, and a whole bunch of neighbors were out front on the grassy common area. David was doing his usual hyper-manic-nutty stuff, and I tried to get him to stop bugging people and go inside. He wouldn't obey me, and I was so eager not to look like a mother who lets her kids walk all over her, that I tried to chase him so I could physically lead him into the house. I slipped on a muddy spot of grass and fell with a skidding splat. I would die if there were a tape of that, or any of the zillions of similar situations.
I have a book ("The Explosive Child", I think) that talks a study in which people observed mothers with their hyper ADHD children. When the kids were put on medication to control their hyperactivity, and the people observed them again, they thought it was the mother who had been medicated. In other words, the mothers themselves had been so stressed out by their kid's hyperactivity, that they appeared to be the ones who needed help.
I've had this done *to* me, both conciously and inadvertently. Inadvertently, prior to diagnosis, we got several video sequences of me dealing with Euan's tantrums and aggression towards his brother, which we showed to a psych. It helped her with the diagnosis, but it was mortifyingly horrible. As I watched it I could see what a truly terrible mother I was. And as I learned more about ASD and what Euan was struggling with, I watch 'that woman' dealing with a truly awful situation in a way that didn't help him, at all, and I die several deaths each time I see it. I hope it's been deleted somewhere. I hate it. I learned a lot from it, but I would never ever want anyone to feel like that about themselves in order to learn. So I'd be a bit cautious.
On the other hand, I've had it done through training situations and what was most useful was not being shown what you were doing wrong, but someone modelling how you could do it better. So I might instead want to video your DD when she is doing *well* rather than when she is flipping out, and show her what that looks like.
"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"
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I think this is a case where you have to go with your guy. Each kid is different. For some kids if done the right way I think it would work well, for others it would back fire.
I considered it once with Mike but as soon as he saw the camera he really started to freak out so I put it away. I was considering the same thing but his reaction to the camera helped me see he was not the kind of kid who could handle that or learn from it. It would just freak him out. Other kids, like Cait for instance, I think it could be beneficial as long as it was presented in a respectful manner as a learning tool.
Only you know your daughter well enough to know if this might be a good thing or not. I guess I would play it by ear.
When David was about 4 or 5, and we didn't yet know about AS, I videoed a tantrum. Well, it wasn't exactly a tantrum. It was one of his out-of-control, throwing handfuls of food and laughing maniacally moments. That was before we knew about AS, mood disorders, or any of that.
Once he got the diagnosis, and we began to understand that he wasn't doing it on purpose, I realized that showing him video tapes wasn't going to be helpful. The video camera was one of those old ones with the tape, and it went into storage before anyone saw it. Someday when we're all dead and gone, someone is going to find that tape and watch it, which is something I regret. If I find it, it's going in the trash.
I suppose if you are absolutely sure that your dd is able to control this, and if you are only going to show it to her (not show it at family gatherings or, heaven forbid, post it on the internet) then it *might* be helpful. I'm sure that if I had shown our tape to David, it would have only done harm. In fact, if I had any idea where it was, I'd throw it out now.