Denial or just being optimistic

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Denial or just being optimistic
7
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 6:32pm

My DD is almost 5 and pdd-nos, but doing extremely well at her preschool (it's the school district's early intervention program) and the teachers rave about her and I see her making so much progress that I start believing she is going to be fine and overcome this....and then I go to some b-day parties with NT kids her age and it's a reality check for me.


Sorry for the rambling...but I just want to know if I am in denial or if it's fair to believe that our kids may overcome this one day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 8:28pm

Hi,


The feelings you are going thru are sooooo normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 8:50pm

My youngest dd just turned five and has pdd-nos as well. You're not alone on this emotional roller coaster ride. There are days where I too think that my dd is doing great and then I see an NT 5 yr old and it hits me like a ton of bricks that she isn't quite typical. I agree with what Lainie said, it sounds like your dd is getting good services and even though she may not be "cured" of autism, she can learn to function well. I posted in the question section of this board a while back about whether I would ever stop analyzing everything my dd does. It sounds like you're kinda stuck in that place too where you just don't quite know what to think or feel. It's all very confusing, at least to me. I don't know if this helps you or not, but at least you know that you're not alone in feeling this way.

Amy~mom to Natalie & Lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 12-16-2007 - 10:43pm

My DS is 5 1/2 with a dx of PDD-NOS.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 8:04am

You know, we didn't get a dx til DS was 8, and until that point we had so many achievements and reality checks that I sometimes felt like it wasn't just a roller coaster, it was some kind of Roman bathing ritual (hot bath, steam bath, freezing cold shower, warm bath....etc) He'd finally figure out potty training two years after everyone else, and I'd heave a sigh of relief, then he'd start biting kids that didn't line up properly in the playground, and I'd despair. The dx was actually a relief, because it was an explanation, and it was also clear that he had made such brilliant progress in spite of his disability, and in spite of not having a dx and therefore no real help, that he would never be 'normal' (whatever the hell that means) but also that he would be *fine*. And he is, although he will always struggle with some things.


I'm going to give you two bits of advice which you can ignore!


Firstly, I am the busy working mother of a 9 year old with Asperger's and 2 NT children, 4 and 2. And let me tell you, don't *ever* look at the parents of NT children and feel envious, or compare. Parenting a NT is no less (or more) of a challenge than parenting an Aspie/PDD child. In some ways, it is harder, because you don't have the 'explanation' for some of the behaviour that is, frankly, challenging and bizarre at different stages and you only have yourself and your parenting to blame when it goes wrong.


Secondly, let go of the 'dream' that they will 'grow out' of this. They won't, and accepting that helps you go some way towards it not being such a shock (or, to use the Roman baths analogy, such a freezing cold shower) when the setbacks happen. Enjoy your kid for who they are. Relish the progress that they make, and see the challenges as just that: the challenges of parenthood, which are no more or less challenging than if he was NT, just different. Don't compare your kid to other kids, NT or on the spectrum. (Actually I think this holds for NT kids too: every kid is different, with different skills, strengths and weaknesses, and wishing it were otherwise is no less cruel than the parent who wishes they had an ice skating champion when they got a scientist).


I hope this helps. It's heartbreaking at times but the above two points have helped me get through it more than several times,


Kirsty, mum to Euan (9, Asperger's), Rohan (4, NT) and Maeve (2, NT)


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 9:09am

Lydia,


I tried to respond to this several times, but I am not sure what you are asking. Are you asking if her autism will be "cured" a la Jenny McCarthy's claims?


In my opinion: no. A kid will Autism will become an adult with Autism. However, I don't believe that this is a bad thing. In my industry (computers) I have come across many people who I think are on the Spectrum (or pretty darn near it)

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2007
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 1:00pm

I loved all your advices as I sometimes feel that I am kind of "stuck" also thinking that may be my DS would grow out of this or was misdiagnosed. Slowly, I am accepting the diagnosis and doing the best I can to support him. I am also looking for positive role models for my son, reading and soaking up all stories of people with AS/PDD-NOS who are leading successful lives. They give me a lot of hope.

-- Innie

Lilypie 6th to 18th Ticker Lilypie 3rd Birthday Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 6:00pm

Thanks for all your input!