Did I step over the line on this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Did I step over the line on this?
19
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 4:46pm

OK I belong to a few boards and the one board I am on is just a general kinda thing. Well I saw this post from a mom and I read it and gave my 2 cents. Well tell me if you can smell ASD or not...........BTW mom seem like she's in denial but you tell me...Thankx
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I was curious to know if anyone else has gone through severe behavioral problems with their toddler (my son is 2 1/2) and what advice any of you might have to cope. My son is so exhausting, I feel like I want to put him in day care just to get a break! he started to potty train and now he won't wear diapers at all even though he totally regressed and doesn't go on the potty. He poops and pees anywhere, all over the house. He doesn't play with his toys. Instead he does things that he knows gets him in trouble-for instance, he dumps houseplants, spits his juice all over himself, that sort of thing. He won't take naps and doesn't sleep well at night (he is always waking up and going downstairs to sleep on the couch in the middle of the night-he won't go to bed until after 9 pm and wakes up at 7 every morning so I have NO break from him, ever). He doesn't eat well. He never eats anything healthy that I give him and just wants pretzels and hersey's kisses (which i don't give him and then his behavior gets worse). I have heard other moms complain about picky eating, but when I say he eats nothing, I mean it. he won't touch hardly anything, even things he used to love. He does terrible things, like twice I found him with poop smeared around his mouth, he picks at his butt a lot, and even drank toilet water once before I could stop him. The tantrums never stop. All day long he is flipping out about something or other-usually that I won't give him treats or he is doing something that he shouldn't and I reprimand him. I take him to a daycare for an hour or two each morning while I work out but it doesn't help curb the nasty behavior. I don't know what to do. he doesn't respond to any discipline that I have tried. I am at my wit's end and I don't know if there is something wrong with him that he doesn't sleep or eat and acts up all the time? I know he is allergic to milk so we give him soy, but could this possibly have something to do with an allergy, an ailment? Or are some kids just this bad???? I mean, he is bad beyond bad. my friends actually comment about it and ask me how I can ever keep up and deal with it all the time-I have a young daughter too and she is nothing like this. I don't know if I can handle him on my own much longer. I hope that someone has some insight about him. He was also a really tough baby-cried all the time, grumpy, the works. So from birth he has been hard, hard, hard. Please help

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 4:57pm

OMG Nora,

That poor child. What was your response? Maybe she will be more understanding if she understands that he is special needs (which I would at least think he should be evaled for).

May be autism, maybe sensory and ADHD, (dave was ALOT like this only I understood why so I never said he was "bad beyond bad") At any rate I would likely just neutrally mention she may want to get him evaluated just to make sure there was nothing else going on.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 5:09pm

I definetly don't think you over-stepped the line. Whatever it may be, she needs help and I'm sure its not her parenting thats causing all of this. It really sounds like somethings going on.

I'm not so sure she may be in deniel, she just may not see these things as neurological you know? I know I had no clue with Chris at that age and it never even occured to me.

Poor guy, Poor mom!

Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 5:16pm

poor kid! poor mom! I agree you should suggest he be evaluated. I had lots and lots of issues like this w/ Weston (tho he was not bad, just hated change and threw temper tantrums to let me know what he thought! his only way of communication). I did know somewhat how to handle it, though I didn't know anything about him being on the spectrum. I also had lots of issues w/ Owen who I do not think is on the spectrum, but has sensory issues and a dose of ADHD.

I think it's time for some help and 'demystification'. A word I learned from Dr. Mel Levine (love his books).

I don't think telling a mom that her child should be evaluated when she's calling out for help is stepping over the line at all.

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 5:52pm

Ok here is a post I say to her in reply to her "issue"
Here is what I wrote to her:

(((Adria)))
I have an autistic 3 yr old and from what you have said in your post, I see A LOT of flags for Autism Spectrum Disorder.
What you need to do is address your pediatrican for a opinion (be warned, they aren't trained for it sometimes. Sad I know) and you live in PA so look into early intervention services.
They'll evaluate your child and recommend some type of therepy for him.

Relax it's play time to kids. My son has come a long way.

I worry about you saying he has regressed, and that's part of this. At this age it's VITAL to get an evaluation cause the sooner you get the child help, the more benefical it is for all of you.

I do it all, special preschool, therepy, play group. It's a new way to parent that's for sure.

Ask you doctor for help. Then ask for the numbeer to the early intervention services in your area.

I wish you luck. If you need anything, let me know. I've been there, still doing it kinda of mom.

Nora
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Her Reply:

Thank you for your input Nora. I went to the site and checked everything out. As far as I can tell he does not have Austism (however I have to keep a close eye on it since some symptoms aren't recognizeable until 3-the tantrums certainly seem similar) . I actually thought it might be Asperger's at one point and checked it out but it doesn't seem to me to be it. He is very social, talkative, and intelligent in a broad sense-he likes to build blocks and draw and sing-he knows his ABC's and numbers, etc. he doesn't have any speech or learning delays either. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't have some form of it so I will leave it to the doc from this point forward. I am not 100% ruling it out but I really think, after researching this online with your help and the help of others who wrote me, that he has allergies, sleep problems (those two things may be related) and perhaps SID. Without your help and everyone else's help in this mom's group, I wouldn't have known what to look for. I can't thank you enough for caring to write and help me out! I wish you the best with your son. It is really hard to deal with these problems, I know. it helps to know other moms that go through the same or similar problems and share stories with them. If it does turn out that I am wrong and Dylan has Autism in some form, I will certainly check out the support group online that you sent me. your info has been invaluable and I can't thank you enough

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I sent her to a local webiste for PA and sent her to Autism Speaks (don't throw stones yet) but it has the facts.
That's when she wrote me the above post. I also inforced my child's DX is PDD and I say autism cause you ALL know you get that stupid look when you say PDD and people look at you like you have 3 heads or something.
Sigh, I hope she doesn't fail this child

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 5:58pm

I think it's hard to hear that your child has special needs...especially from someone who isn't family. I know I had a woman tell me that my son was autistic and I thought she was crazy!!! It made me never want to see her again. She had an autistic son and I felt like she was just trying to dx my ds as such, so she would feel better about her situation. I know that's NOT what she was trying to do now, but I'm just saying that (at the time) I wasn't ready to hear it...especially not from her.

Anyway, I do think it's wise to suggest an evaluation or at least a visit to the Pediatrician, rather than to tell someone that their child is autistic, since that's just may be too much for her to handle. That way, it's more of a process and whenever there's a process, it gives someone more time to think about various possiblities...and to one day, accept the situation. Sounds like you did the right thing.
Irene :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 6:22pm

You know Irene I was the same way. I actually have a real friend who's 2 1/2 yr still isn't talking (HELLO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>FLAGS) and I have carefully mentioned getting and eval and she did. She was told he was autistic like---WTF is that?, but she's still not getting a comprehensive speech eval EVEN after the doc recommended it.
I have backed off, I gave the phone# where we go, but I am done now.

I am just waiting for her to have it "dropped" on her by a doctor.
I can see it.
I don't wish it on anyone, but if I wasn't such a stubbon ASS when I was in denial of my ds, perhaps he would be A LOT further.

I guess I am on a cruscade on this.

Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 6:35pm
Hey Nora,
You did the right thing and for that, I applaud your efforts. It's often the messanger that gets blamed for the message, and this is not a message most people are ready to accept right away. Good for you, though. I think I will call that lady once my son is officialy dx and I will apologize to her, because she was trying to do me a favor. Thanks.
Irene
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 6:41pm

Well the age old saying is "shoot the messenger"

I want to apologize to my old ped doc......I thought they were crazy

Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 7:20pm

((((Nora)))),


Hey, you saw some red flags and you voiced your concerns.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 7:31pm

MOOOOO-----I love you Paula LOL

I know, she had mentioned SID etc..............

I guess I was such an A$$ about Adam and his issues before the dx.......
Shoot the messenger.

She at first said the "A" word, NOT ME believe it or not. Since she mentioned "A" I was apt to throw my hat into the ring.
I kinda hate that board because SO many moms post "issues" that have flags ALL over them and other moms post the "it's okay if they are late kinda posts". It irritates me and I mostly keep quiet cause I don't want to PREACH autism 24/7. YA KNOW>>>>>>>>>>

So I read her post and IT DAMN NEAR JUMPED IN MY FACE. I wouldn't have felt comfortable if I didn't take it there. Yes I should work my technique but I am an blunt Irish girl. We tell it like it is........genetic flaw if you will...

Well let's see if she follows up and I'll let ya'll know what had happened to her.

Nora

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