Discipline Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Discipline Advice
4
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 7:58pm
Bobby is in this phase now that when I ask him to do stuff he tells me "NO!" or when I ask him to stop doing something he jsut ignores me(this is actaully nothing new).

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 8:27pm

Not to harsh, but I think you will need to use some sort of visual to help teach him the skill and make it really concrete what behavior you want to change.

SOunds like our rule for Mike "listen the first time". We have had the same 3 rules for Mike since he was 3. We are still working on them, lol. 1- Hands and feet to yourself, 2- Talk nicely, 3- Listen the first time.

I still need to be very concrete with Mike and to use visuals if at all possible. I definitely have to make sure I have his attention. If I have his attention and get him to repeat to me what I want him to do he is usually compliant.

At that age we had a token board with his rules on it depicted by line drawings (lucky girl, I have boardmaker program but you can draw pictures too).

Then below the 3 rules we had tokens. Each time a behavior occured we took a token away. then every few hours he had trade in for a preferred thing (then it was food items). If he had at least 1 token he could have the treat. We just started to decrease the number of tokens he had to start with. We started with alot so he was successful the first few times and by the end we were at 2 (since everyone is allowed 1 mistake once in a while).

Currently we are similar but without the tokens. Mike still has written rules but he knows them by heart as well. It has been 7 years, lol. I will give him one warning of the rule when I see him escalating or make a mistake. I make sure I have his attention and remind him that it is his choice "you can listen the first time or you will loose electronics". Typically he will follow through. If not he loses his electronics time.

I would for bobby make a written list of the rules. Use it in a pairing with a verbal. "Remember Bobby, listen the first time or you will lose a video" and then if he doesn't listen put the video in a basket out of reach. He will likely test it for a while.

It will be harder to have him earn back for listening. He may get into a problem with that like we did with Mike. He started to not care about losing electronics because he could earn it back. He started to think it was ok to mis behave because he could do a chore and earn it back. So we nixed that. His reinforcer program is completely separate. If he loses electronics it is for a certain time period and then he gets it back as long as he hasn't lost it again for a longer time period.

HTH

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 10:25pm
Tina,
I agree with Renee about using visuals because Jake just dosen't get it otherwise. He is usually compliant for a kid of his age but Ella, well that's another story! I just started using timeout with her today because she is really getting hard to manage and she's not even 2 yet!Oh, the joys of parenting!
Teresa
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 11:08pm

my post got eaten by the monster!!


anyways, I was going to say.....I don't think it's too harsh, and I might just steal that idea too!

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Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 1:26pm

It sounds like a good plan to me. We used to do somethign similar with Peter when he was naughty. Timeouts didn't work on him, so we would put his Pooh bear (security toy -he was very attached) into a timeout on top of the TV cabinet, where he could see it but not reach it. That got his attention a lot faster.

I highly recommend the book "1, 2, 3, Magic" for addressing discipline. I still use a modified version of this approach, and it works very well for us. My kids will argue with me about almost anything, but if I say "five" in *that* voice, they usually fall straight into line.

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com