Discovery (not for kiddies)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Discovery (not for kiddies)
10
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 11:26am

Okay, if this is innapropriate, someone is welcome to delete it. I'll try to explain things "innocently" though.

Does anyone else have an ASD child who has "discovered" themselves? I know it's natural and even NT kids do this as kids, but my 7 1/2 yo has really discovered that it feels good. I've told him he can only do it when alone, but since he shares a room, well... he ends up doing it in front of his 11yo brother! ACK!

Now, the 11yo doesn't understand what he's doing, though I'm sure in a few years he definitely will. I've thought about giving him a 'safe place' to do this so as to give him privacy. I really didn't think I'd have to deal with this so young though! I'm not ready lol.

No, he's never had any abuse, been exposed to XXX stuff or the like. I don't think he's even walked in on hubby and myself (locked door is wonderful lol).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 12:46pm

I understand what you are saying. And no it doesn't offend me. I have an 11 yr old who has discovered my back massager lol. Luckily he has his own room and he knows to shut his door. So at night if I here that massager going I knock first. (I will never use that thing again btw lol).

Anyway, it must be hard when both boys share a room. What about telling him, only when he's alone, like taking a shower or a bath? That could give him the privacy he needs.

Hope I helped some....

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 12:51pm

Peter's hands were constantly down his pants even before he had pants.(i.e. when he was still in diapers).


We have had to have talks about appropriate vs inappropriate

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 1:42pm

PHEW!! I'm not alone!!

Lainie, yup, mine discovered the massager too and yup, I now have hubby rub my shoulders now.

"while we don't actively encourage this activity, we have kind of accepted that he is a boy, and as he cannot be physically separated from that particular plaything"

Paula - that had me laughing!!!

I guess we're lucky that he does go into his room to do this on his own, I just have to teach him about closing the door or another location.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 2:14pm

lol
You know my 11 yr old is good about this now, but my 7 yr old..... man its gonna take awhile.

His favorite thing to do is strip and strum his "area" like he's strumming a guitar lololol.

Man.... Boys and their toys..... I never went thru this with my dd. Heavy Sigh....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 4:43pm

Hey, guys, this is fairly normal stuff. Except of course if they really do this in front of people in the outside world, etc. In their own room seems like a perfectly OK place, the sharing a room makes it more difficult.

My ds has his own room and is restricted to this activity in bath or in own room when alone. I actually think bath and after lights out (before falling asleep) are only times he really indulges.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 5:47pm

I have lots of NT nephews and I nannied for two NT boys for a long time and let me say that in my opinion this is an activity that lots of boys discover. And it doesn't always take til they are older. LOL.

My DS is almost 5 and he has the hands in the pants thing too. Our rule is that doing "that" is an upstairs thing (which means bathroom or his bedroom). He is welcome to go upstairs if he feels a need. But if he is downstairs (and that includes outside or anywhere out in public) then it is hands out. Sometimes I'll remind him and he'll say "but Mom, I just had an itch". Funny stuff. We encourage (require) alot of handwashing here too.

This was pretty much my sister's rule with her boys and the rule when I was a nanny too.

I guess I sort of figure that it belongs to him so he can touch it if he wants, its my job to give him some parameters so that others aren't offended.

Heather

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 6:28pm

I do what heather does. It is totally a natural thing. I even asked my kids therapist about it because David (7) started awfully young with this stuff. Mike only more recently.

It also amazes me how many folks here have 11 and 7 yo boys who share rooms. (We do too!)

The way we handle the room thing is pretty simple. If they go in and close the door then they want to be alone and the other roomie has to respect that. Whether they want to be alone because they are mad and need a break or they want to be alone to play with thier favorite "toy" it is the same. that is done privately in their room.

My girls who share a room (this is not an issue for them) but they still have times when they want thier privacy like when changing. Same rule.

It took A LONG time to teach this rule to Dave but he started this stuff at 2 and no he wasn't abused or watched XXX movies. Dave is a sensory seeker in a huge way for everything. For him it was a sensory thing and he discovered it felt good. Boy that was interesting.

Renee

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Registered: 02-20-2001
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 8:17pm
We had major problems with Bobby doing this when he was 4.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 9:10pm

I am totally LOL'ing reading this - and feeling so thankful for the topic.


I remember the first time I walked in on my son doing more than just 'touching' - he was 4 and lying naked on the playroom floor - he smiled and said "hi mom".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 10:51am

I guess for me it depends on how much we're talking about. I have no problem with exploration and that kind of thing but believe masturbation to be inappropriate, both for religious and psychological reasons (addicting and creating further problems which I've read/heard from various studies/doctors).

I don't stop my kids from exploration or constant re-adjustment, but we do discuss appropriate time/place, and I also explain hygiene. The kids have to wash their hands (or use hand sanitizer) when they're through, so they don't run around spreading germs through the house or on me. It's actually my NT ds (SID issues when younger) than my AS ds who's the regular "toucher," cus AS ds seems to be under-sensitive in that region.