disorganization

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
disorganization
9
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 5:05pm

Hello .. I havent posted in a while .. things have been going aliright .. Skye so it seems is doing ok so far in kindergarden .. her teacher says shes being social and is keeping up .. shes in a class tho of peers who have similar issues , has a hard time stayin on task and has to be reminded often but better then we anticipated..

Noelsiggy-1.jpg picture by nymetsfanatic031

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 8:27pm

Thank you for your reply .. i

Noelsiggy-1.jpg picture by nymetsfanatic031

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 11-03-2010 - 11:13am

I do hear you. If you've read any of my posts you'll know this is a major issue for me with my 12 year old. And your frustration leaps off the page.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think that you are your biggest problem here, not Skye. She actually can't help that this is a problem for her. You getting cross about it is going to maker very anxious and make it more, not less, likely that she is going to lose stuff. It's a real tough one for you, I can tell, but I think the first thing you are going to have to do about this is let it GO. Take a deep breath and try to learn, yourself, how not to get stressed about this. Do some cognitive behaviour training on yourself to get your own stress and anxiety under control before you start work on Skye. Because anything you do with her you will have to do very patiently, very slowly, very systematically, and probably over and over and over again until it sticks. and you can't do that til you are hitting the roof every time she loses something.

Believe me, I am saying this from experience!

then I think you need to really simplify stuff for Skye. Pare everything back to the bare minimum. Attach mittens to string, get rid of the had and wear a hood attached to a coat, don't have any changes of clothing or books or items that are not necessary. Talk to her teacher - if she needs her reading book on a Monday, then she only needs it on a Monday, make sure it is stored safely away somewhere the rest of the time. Give her the minimum of pencils etc in a case. Reduce clutter and distractions. Have a clear place for everything, with pictures if possible (eg a picture of her coat by a hook, a picture of her shoes by the shoe rack, a picture of her hat by the hat box etc) . Teach her to 'match' the items with the pictures, and to get into the habit of putting the same things in the same place each time. My DS now has an incredibly large complicated folder system inside his book bag, which means he has to ccarry everything with him, but it's the only way he stands a chance of keeping stuff organised. Have visual timetables and prompts for as much as possible. Reward her in small ways for keeping her stuff tidy and organised. Break things down into small, managmeable tasks (tidy your room is impossible, pick up all the clothes from the floor is manageable). Keep going over the same stuff over and over again til it sticks. Remain very very clam whilst you this, even though it will drive you nuts!

It does get better, but you need to be very patient and calm whilst you teach this, and at the moment you aren't being. So you really need to get that sorted out first.

Kirsty, mum to Euan (12, Aspergers Syndrome) Rohan (7, NT) and Maeve (4, NT)

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"


Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2001
Wed, 11-03-2010 - 11:50pm

My daughter is the same way. I honestly can't say I have any great solution but I work with her A LOT on organization at home, hoping that the skill will carry over. Every day when she comes home I make her put her stuff away where it belongs. Because I am there, I can slowly guide her towards doing this. Lunch in the dishtray next to the sink, homework in the homework drawer, sweater in her sweater drawer or in hamper and backpack in the closet. She has to really think and stay focused and complete this project. I also have her make her own lunch at night, (with my very involved supervision) which involves executive functioning and keeping track of a lot of things. She also packs her own backpack in the morning and sorts her homework. I feel like these skills have had some carryover, although it's still kind of disaster at school. Luckily I pick her up most days so I can help her get her stuff organized at school before we leave. I'm just hopeful these skills will soon stick and I'm not doing this all for naught. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 5:41am

Agree with the same simple things, over and over, and the reason I am chiming back in is because I am just sitting down with an extremely well-earned coffee having very very patiently not actually killed my son whilst I repeated the basic steps involved in making himself a sandwich for his school snack. He is PERFECTLY capable of making himself the snack. He can remember that he needs the snack. He can get up from the table and go to the fridge. He can remember all the constituent parts of the snack. He can assemble them on the chopping board. He can get the butter knife and sandwich bags out. He can turn two slices of bread into a ham sandwich, chop it in half, put it inside the bag (ooops, we nearly got into a four stage activity there....). He can put the sandwich inside the right part of his school bag. He can put the ham, butter, and bread (oooh, again, nearly a four stage activity, have to be careful!) back in the fridge. He can put the knife in the dishwasher. He can take the chopping board to the sink.

But he cannot *join up these activities* into one coherent activity called 'get your school snack ready' unless I talk him through each stage, and keep him focussed on each stage, and stop him wondering off in between various stages to flit/fight with his brother/play with the dog. OR, he can do all this stages, very precisely, and beautifully, but he absolutely cannot cope if someone (eg his brother) asks him a question during a tricky part, or if the butter doesn't make it to the very edge of the bread...

I give you this rather boring insight into 'ten minutes in our house' because this is probably the level of explanation and simplicity your daughter needs. Each thing you are asking her to do is actually a series of very complicated interelated small things, and at each stage she can get distracted, confused, forget which parts she's done or which parts are important.

But also I'm chiming in again to offer a bit of hope. Because Euan is 12, and does need to be talked through making himself a snack. But we have also 'talked through' making various things and he can now, completely unaided, make a three course dinner for six people from scratch. He can walk home from school or scouts by himself. He can do his own laundry and take his siblings trick-or-treating. All things you would NEVER imagine an autistic boy being able to achieve, but that are the result of very very patient training from us and a lot of hard work from him.

But I do really need that coffee now! And so will you :-)

Kirsty

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"


Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 8:31am

Thank you for the link on the Tangle.. !! good idea I will have to

Noelsiggy-1.jpg picture by nymetsfanatic031

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 8:36am
Thanks to all of you ! I have alot of work to do i can see that!!! She does like being independent , something we thought from her first dx that would never happen ! but she is doing things ppl said she might not espically at 5 .. she is just very forgetful and unfocused all the time .. its like she blinks and shes somewhere else .. fustrating for me im sure it is for her as well ........lots of great suggestions !! I am going to work on all of it !!! Im sure your going to be hearing from me again soon :)! thx !

Noelsiggy-1.jpg picture by nymetsfanatic031

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 11:38pm

Great suggestions from other Mom's.