Do you relax at holiday gatherings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Do you relax at holiday gatherings?
16
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 10:09pm

We stayed home on Christmas Eve, but went to my BIL's house on Christmas Day. Dh's family was there, we had a nice dinner and also opened more presents. I find it hard to just relax. I'm always watching Nathan. He doesn't always look comfortable, although if you ask him....he says he's fine. The family is loud, not real loud....but loud for him. He just quietly goes to another room, or goes to the basement (or back upstairs, wherever he can be alone). MIL gave him a little toy that she had gotten out of a happy meal. A little Power Ranger that had a spring type tube attached to the figure. Nathan carried it around all day. (which I knew he would) He kept stretching the tube, pushing it back together...and back and forth, etc. So, at least he had the toy. It really seemed to help him. He wasn't interested in bringing any toys from home, so I was glad for the one toy.

I find myself checking up on him all day. We were there about 3 hours, and he was ready to come back home. He kept asking when everyone was going to eat pie. (His cue that everything was done, once dessert was eaten!! lol) I spent most of the day watching cartoons with him, cuddling, massaging, or softly tickling him on his arms and face (he loves this!) Even when we finally got home, he went straight upstairs to his room. Dh, Tyler, and myself were downstairs watching "Home Alone"....but he just wanted to be alone again. And the odd thing.....he was COMPLETELY FINE about it!!! We tried to have him come watch with us, but he wasn't interested. I know he likes quiet time by himself. But I can't help that I worry about him when he does this. It feels like he's shutting us out. Even though I know that's not the case. I know it's just the way he is.

He was so happy about Christmas this year. He told dh, "daddy, this was the best Christmas ever!" Isn't that sweet??? Sometimes I feel like I worry for nothing!! LOL

Michelle

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Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 11:54am

Michelle,

yes, it does bother me. It esp is hard because the other kids wonder why he doesn't want to be with us. He is always asking if we'll do a family game night or family movie night, then he'll be able to manage one game or about 15 min of a movie and then he can't handle being in the room anymore. It's hard too because Warren keeps talking through the whole movie and we'll have to remind him to be quiet every few min (I have no idea how he manages not to talk for a whole class period at school!), Weston doesn't like that many people in a room together. I have found that he's much more relaxed when he's not forced to join us for a whole movie though. I guess we take what we can get and we're so glad that he's able to sit in the same room w/ us now for 15 min (he didn't used to even make it through supper ever). I'm glad he seeks us out sometimes now-- he used to never seek out anyone and never let us touch him. I can see progress. I'm learning to be happy in who he is and the progress he's making.

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 12:06pm

Renee,

Nathan is like that too...if he's left alone doing something, as long as it's not too hard and doesn't break, he's quite content. At dh's family gatherings, my boys are the youngest. So that does help tremendously. Nathan gets extremely nervous around other kids, he tends to watch them, making sure they don't break anything or get into anything. He paces, and is just so anxious. He doesn't prefer alot of people around him either.

I have noticed that when he's sad, this is also when he goes off alone. Maybe that's why I worry about him when he's alone. I'm afraid he's upset, or sad, or that something is wrong.

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 11:43am

Good thread, I was wondering if I was the only one on "high alert" during holiday family gatherings!

My family is great. It took some work to educate my family, but now they finally "get" Ryan. My 2 sis's kids are really nice to him. He's the youngest and they all look out for him and don't care about his little quirks. I can relax and enjoy myself. Ryan is very comfortable with everyone, so he actually socializes and joins the party now.

Hate to rag on dh, but his family is tough to handle, for me and Ryan, lol!. We do have his family get togethers at our house, which helps. There are 16 people, not including us. They are just kind of loud, and his one brother let's his 4 kids pretty much do whatever they want, pick on Ryan, tease him, pick on the dog, jump on the furniture, whatever. What really bugs me is sometimes Ryan will go off to his room or somewhere by himself, because he needs a little down time, and dh's bros with insist he join some stupid group activity, like playing football outside, or a game or something. They just don't get it, no matter how much I try and tell them. DH doesn't get involved to tell them to back off, he leaves it to me which kinds of annoys me. So I am constantly checking on the situation with this group.

We are celebrating the holiday with dh's family on Saturday this year. Oh joy. The best part? 12 of the 16 have asked to stay overnight, since it's New year's Eve. Better stock up on wine!

Kate

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 11:56am

Good Luck - sounds like it is going to be an interesting night.

Christie

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Registered: 02-24-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:05pm

Kate,

I agree with Christie...might be an interesting LOUD night!! lol

My dh used to be that way with his family too. He would leave everything up to me, regarding the kids. Just this past year though, he has spoken up for Nathan, and that really helps. My dh is built like a football player, so when he speaks......people usually listen. So it is nice to have him saying things now to help Nathan out, especially since he's still working on his conversation skills.

michelle

Avatar for googolplex
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 10:34pm

Ah, this is where I'm kind of lucky...in a sense. My side of the family is made up of people who hate social gatherings (a lot of AS traits), so the closest we get to a gathering is a grandparent coming over and sitting on the couch for a couple of hours. And DH's family is on the other side of the planet.

I'm pretty relaxed when it's my own parents, because they are less judgemental. MIL, on the other hand, just wears me out. We make a lot of accommodations for both boys' needs, and it can look like we are letting them get away with a lot, when really we are just trying to maintain a sane environment. What I HATE, is when grown-up guests, like MIL, tell our kids what to do. Like, "only good boys who eat their vegetables get a slice of cake". Or, "My other set of grandsons wouldn't get away with that."

I'm glad your Nathan enjoyed Christmas.

Evelyn
mom of David 8, Nathan 4

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