Does the pity annoy you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Does the pity annoy you?
11
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 9:04am

I'm trying to get my head around why this annoyed me so much....


Was just talking to one of my students about the problems of juggling work and family (ie she's late on one of her deadlines...:-) and I mentioned in passing that I wrote my PhD on maternity leave because my baby was so 'good' (and, as it turns out, that should have been a 'red flag' for autism) that I had plenty of time on my hands...anyway, as soon as she heard the word 'autism' she went into full-on pity mode. 'Oh I'm so sorry'....etc And really narked me (it always does....). I get this a lot, particularly from the 'caring' professions (some of my students are social workers and nurses) and I suppose I should be grateful that they care, but I don't really feel grateful, I don't really want their pity!


Does anyone else feel this way? I guess it makes me feel defensive of DS1. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for us, or him, because I think he's pretty fantastic the way he is, Asperger's and all, and pity implies that this is some kind of tragedy. I can't ever think of my son as a tragedy. He's tough to parent, at times, because I still struggle to 'get' his universe, and he'll struggle at times because the world isn't quite organised according to his needs, but I still don't think that makes us deserving of pity.


How do you guys feel when you encounter people's pity?


Kirsty, mum to Euan (9, Asperger's) Rohan (5, NT) and Maeve (2, NT)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 12:50pm
bumping this up for Tab

-Paula


visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

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