Doesn't believe diagnosis

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Doesn't believe diagnosis
4
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 2:38pm
DS is almost 14, with AS, really just diagnosed over the last 12 months. We had one doctor, in front of him, say that he did NOT have AS, but was 'socially immature', that was when he was 12. After that he absolutely REFUSED to accept the diagnosis. He has gotten worse and will not allow us to discuss his therapy or anything in front of anyone and the word ASPERGERS is forbidden. Does anyone else have a child that rejects his diagnosis?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 6:23pm

My kids know & understand (to some degree) that they have AS. 12yo dd was upset a year ago when we first approached her with the info about AS, especially since we know a severely autistic child, and dd didn't want to be thought of like this other child. Since then she's come to accept the diagnosis and sometimes is even a bit relieved to know why she's different, but she still doesn't want to talk about it in front of others since it makes her stand out as "different." Would reading some books about AS kids (written from the AS point of view) help your ds recognize his behaviors and become more accepting of his diagnosis? I'm sure there are many more books out there, but some we've read and like are:

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time
The Case of the Prank That Really Stank (a Wright and Wong mystery book)
The Blue Bottle Mystery
Of Mice and Aliens (sequel to Blue Bottle Mystery)

The Curious Incident book really gives you a LOT of insight into the thought process of a person with AS. It's geared toward an older child/adult reader. The Blue Bottle Mystery is geared to an older elementary school child, but I liked the opening of the story which really illustrated the literal thinking and lack of awareness of social norms for an AS child. I'm sure others could recommend other books (or do a "google" search for more book ideas.

I think one thing that's helped my kids accept their diagnosis is that we've been able to focus on their positives instead of just negatives (they are very smart academically, which offsets their poor athletic abilities, for instance). If you can help your ds highlight his strengths, perhaps that would help him better accept his diagnosis.

Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 6:50pm

Well, I think part of the problem was age of diagnosis. My kids don't deny it because it always has been for them. It wasn't like suddenly someone told them they were someone completely different.

I know when my kids were little and diagnosed, I knew something was up and different about them but when the label of ASD came it was like they were a different person. Now they were a person with ASD, not just a kid who was quirky. I think for a person with ASD who is older when diagnosed it is likely very much like that.

Then add in the AS way of thinking and make the person a teen, and well yes, I expect what you are going through is very normal. I would take yourself to a counselor who specializes in ASD's and have them teach you how to work with and parent your son. Particularly things like "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" would be good.

You can help him make changes to himself through your behaviors and interactions even if he doesn't believe his diagnosis. Hopefully someday you can get to a place where he accepts himself as is for who he is.

Know this, older kids, teens and adults with AS really have a hard time seeing themselves in a situation. As such everything is someone elses fault because they don't see how thier actions affect others (that darn old theory of mind). That is probably in large part why he doesn't accept that he is AS particularly if he thinks of it as purely a negative thing.

Probably not much help but thought I would try.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 1:39pm

I definitely see that the age at his diagnosis definitely affects him. He just feel she is just quirky. I will grab some of those books and get him to read them with me.

Thanks for your helps!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 9:22pm

Well, my son was mad when I tried to explain how he was "different", saying "I'm not different!!!!!!"

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