DS on his way home - suspended til Thurs
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| Mon, 12-17-2007 - 2:13pm |
He started to expose himself again at lunch today - this is the fourth time. We are in the process of getting an FBA and Behavior Plan in place through an outside source, but it's not done yet. Things at home are getting worse too. He's been on Risperdal for three months now with absolutely NO changes, pos or neg. I can't wait to see what the team will say at the meeting on Thursday. How are we going to handle this? We just came off of an emergency meeting a few weeks ago where it was decided that we need an interim plan until the professionals get theirs in place. What happened to that, I wonder?
Worst thing is, DS will see this as a reward. He absolutely hates school and staying home for three days (even with lost privelages) is far better in his mind than having to go to school.
I think it's time to get him some outside counseling. I'm done waiting for the school to help him. His self-confidence is plummeting. A few times a week he talks about not wanting to exist anymore, running away, etc. We're always battling over minor issues. There's very little peace in this house. It's taking a toll on us all.
Thanks for listening.
Melissa

Melissa, my heart goes out to you. I have a 54-yo BIL who has been in and out of jail a number of times due to exposing himself. You must get counseling for your DS to stop this behavior. Otherwise, these people get labeled as sex offenders when they become an adult-aged offender, and get listed on the Megan's Law sites. Early intervention is key. Please do everything you can to nip it in the bud. {{{hugs}}}
-- Innie
{{{Melissa}}}
Just wanted to add my hugs for you.
Melissa,
I wanted to come back in and tell you I found this absolutely wonderful board with some professionals on Spec Ed and this came up on that board.
We just came off of an emergency meeting a few weeks ago where it was decided that we need an interim plan until the professionals get theirs in place. What happened to that, I wonder?
That's exactly the question I would be asking: School decided something needed to be done weeks ago and then they went ahead did exactly nothing, while you are spinning your wheels tryign to get all sorts of private stuff set up to make up for their deficiencies.
...and so now your child is being punished for their failure?
Excuse me while I ask a question:
W. T. F???
Do you have anything in writing from that meeting, because if so, I would escalate this up to district level
Sorry for the strong language, but I am seriously steamed by this.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Thanks for all of your responses. When I sat down and talked with DS, his version of the story was different. According to him, it was never his intent to expose himself. Rather, he was trying to get a reaction out of one of his classmates by doing things to "gross her out". This has been his M.O. lately to get attention, and school staff is aware of it. He said he put a pretzel in his belt and told the girl to look at it. The aide must have misinterpreted this as him pointing to his privates. She claimed he was starting to open his zipper. Now, I understand being hyper-sensitive since DS has threatened to expose himself three other times in the past few months, but I really don't think that was the case this time. When I told DS what they *thought* he was doing, he was genuinely surprised and said, "I wasn't doing THAT!" I believe him. I have since written a letter to the principal explaining all of this. I don't expect them to change the punishment, however, I want it on record that DS wasn't even aware of why he was suspended and that no one took the time to ask him what really happened.
Paula, I have my follow-up letter from that emergency meeting (Nov. 5) and the only thing that was stated was that if the behavior specialist was unable to complete her FBA and BIP in a timely manner, that the school counselor would develop an interim plan. No time frame was given (probably my fault for not pushing for one), but my impression was that she would begin immediately. I never heard anything after that point that suggested he had any kind of plan in place. I will be asking that question at the meeting on Thursday.
As for the Risperdal, the psychologist wanted to give it one more month. She said he might be a slow starter. There were one or two minor things that she interpreted as possible improvements, like being more aware of his peers and seeking their attention, albeit inappropriately. We're going back in January to reevaluate and possible try something else.
I love this board. You guys are my therapy.
Melissa
I just wanted to offer you some hugs and say that we are all here for you. I don't have any personal experience with "exposing" issues. I just know having a child with autism is difficult and its hard to find people who can relate.
Melissa,
I went through this a couple of years ago with DS.
Melissa,
I am curious if you have any update?
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Thanks for asking, Paula. I will be sending it in to school tomorrow. I wanted to sit on it for a day to make sure I said everything I wanted to say without sounding accusatory.
I am familiar with the "manifestation of disorder" thing, but I thought that only came into play after 10 suspensions. This will make three days total (once before for same issue). Since we already have the behavior specialist working on a BIP, hopefully this won't be an ongoing issue.
I will update after the meeting Thursday morning.
Melissa
Here is the letter if you're interested (any suggestions will be considered):
Dear Mr. Principal,
I would like to share with you the conversation I had with DS when he arrived home today after his suspension. When I asked him to relay the events that took place in the lunch room, he explained the following:
He kissed a cookie and gave it to the 3rd grade girl because he wanted to get a reaction from her. When asked what kind of reaction, he said, “Eew, yuck!” I told him what the report said (that he wanted to ‘scare’ her), and asked if he meant to frighten her, or if he could think of a better way to say that. He responded, “I meant to make her feel disgusted”. He wanted this reaction because it “makes him laugh”.
I then asked Ds what else happened. He told me he put a pretzel in his belt and told the girl to look at the pretzel (again, to get a reaction from her, as in ‘that’s a gross place to put a pretzel’). I asked if he touched his zipper at all and he said “no”. When I explained to him that the staff thought he was going to pull down his zipper and show the girl his private area, he immediately said that he was not going to do that. He was genuinely surprised to hear that that was the reason for his suspension. Perhaps it was not made clear to him or he did not clearly understand that during your discussion. The report said he “admitted what transpired in the lunch room”. What exactly was he admitting to? Judging by his reaction when I explained his offense, he was completely unaware.
I feel very strongly that DS is telling the truth in this matter. When he is feeling anxiety at school, especially when being confronted for misbehavior, it is not uncommon for DS to give answers he thinks we want to hear. Perhaps he didn’t explain the truth because he didn’t have the ability to communicate it *at that moment*, or perhaps the right questions were not asked. When he feels safe and when more time is taken to probe into a situation, he is able to talk more clearly about what happened and the reason for his behavior.
We were not present in the lunchroom, nor were we present in your office during the discussion with DS, therefore we cannot know exactly what happened today. We can only use the information we have from both you and DS and try to piece together the story as best we can. I don’t expect the consequences to be changed, however I would like to go on record as saying that I do not believe it was DS's intent to expose himself in the lunch room today. I believe his actions were misinterpreted and that DS was not able to effectively communicate this to all involved.
Sincerely,