Embarrassed

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Embarrassed
3
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 11:14am
Hi everyone,

I just need to vent a little bit. My 4 yr old is diagnosed with a sensory integration problem and we are waiting for a diagnosis of Asperger's. Anyway, this week I was meeting with my mom group and there was 3or 4 new moms I was looking forward to meeting. (I had only talked to them in our chatroom.) None of these moms has special needs kids. It was a 40 minute drive to get there and as soon as I pulled up he started screaming, "I'm not going in there, I'm not going in there!!" He cannot handle new situations and people but he will usually just stay near me and be very quiet. But not this day!!! I took him out of the car thinking I could calm him down. WRONG!!! He ran away from me and I had to catch him. So the one who was having the get2gether was very nice and brought some toys out and tried to coax him in the house. Didn't work. She was very very nice about it. Everyone was actually, but I was still embarassed because they were asking me,"Why won't he come in, and why is he doing this, and is he always like that. So I tried to explain to them that we think he has Asperger's and it's hard for him to be comfortable in new situations. No one knew what Asperger's is and trying to explain to them. They really didn't get it. I think they just thought he was a spoiled brat. So needless to say I had to leave. I find it so embarrassing when he does things like that. I know he can't help it and I didn't get upset with him. But it was so dissapointing. I cried on the way home. I couldn't help it.:( I wish they would give me a definate diagnosis so that I know for sure what I'm dealing with. I'm tired of waiting. We're in the process but it is slow going. (Wait list for a phcyciatrist is at least six months. arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!) Anyway, just needed to get that out of my system!! I feel much better now! Thanks for listening!:-)

Susan

There are 4 things you cannot recover.
1. The Stone.......after the throw.
2. The Word........after it's said.
3. The Occasion......after it's loss.
4. The Time.........after it's gone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: joeysmom3
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 5:00pm
Susan,

I know exactly how you feel. What you described is my life. It is hard meeting new moms. Well, need to go crying in the background. Wanted to let you know your not alone.

bless

bugs

Avatar for suitemadameblue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: joeysmom3
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 11:37am
(((((Susan)))))

I think it's safe to say that we have all "been-there-done-that" before, and most likely still have our moments!! Yes, it can be embarrassing and frustrating to go thru something like that -- I remember the first time I went to a MOPS meeting. Pretty much the exact same thing happened with Tristan not wanting to be there. The screaming, kicking, yelling, etc....and all while I was holding my then-9month old! Thankfully, someone came out and offered to handle Hollyann so that I could work with Tristan, and we all got things under control. Still, it felt like, to me, that they were all scrutinizing me during the entire meeting, and I also cried the whole way home. (back then, Tristan was only around 2yo, and such a dx was nowhere in our minds, so I was severely confused as to why he acted like that!)

One thing I can suggest is to talk to the other moms, whether in the chatroom or at another meeting, and explain things to them. Make up your own little "presentation" with simple, basic, to-the-point explanations of what's going on with your son (go ahead and explain the Asperger's...even if that particular dx doesn't come for some reason, you will still have enlightened others about it). Maybe even toss out some ways that they can help you if they witness him acting this way. And don't worry about being "clinical" when dealing with what helps - YOU know what works and what doesn't, and that's all that really matters. You never know.....there may end up being people within the group who DO know about special needs kids - relatives, friends, maybe they work with them, etc. I know that I was totally amazed at the amount of people around me that, while they personally don't have a special needs child of their own, have dealt with such children in one way or another, and they had some immensely valuable information and perspectives to share.

Lastly, vent. Vent, vent, vent!! LOL One thing I have come to realize, at least with Tristan, is that even tho I feel confused and frustrated and embarrassed, it doesn't even hold a candle to what is going on in the mind of him. So, be sure to get it out for your own sake by venting, and that will continue to keep your mind clear(ish!) to better handle other situations and occurences with your son.

I hope you try and go back to another group meeting. They sound like a great bunch of ladies!!

~Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: joeysmom3
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 8:40am
Thank you for making me feel better. That's what I love about this site!! You can come here and know your not alone. Thanks again :)


Susan

There are 4 things you cannot recover.
1. The Stone.......after the throw.
2. The Word........after it's said.
3. The Occasion......after it's loss.
4. The Time.........after it's gone.