Ever had a day like this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Ever had a day like this?
11
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 10:17am

Today my DH tells me how down in the dumps he is.
Let's start off with how DS is PDD and not "normal", due to the fact of my friend's dd cam over Saturday and she is the same age as DS and she is a chatter box etc.
Then I realize how I hav NO friends to ever call to see just how I am. I am always everyones rock when they need me.
I feel so alone today. I want another baby and my DH is now thinking it's a BAD idea cause lighting may strike twice ya know.
I just feel like I have my back agains the wall and my family and DH family is non existant.
I am sorry to ramble I just feel so left alone and especially when your PDD child only talks at you not with you.
I feel gratified when he comes to me to ask for something. At least that's some communication.
I hate my life today. I never imagined this would be my life.
All I do, all i know is AUTISM!
I hate talking about therepy, school, IEP etc...................
Today I want a normal life. I want to work and have a life like my friends do.,
The have NO idea how good it is to "play" and "talk".

Ok, I need to get a grip.
Don't get me wrong I LOVE my DS. I hate his disorder. It's cruel on every angle.

I need to go now, he is almost out of school and I want to hit the gym to burn off my aggression.

Nora

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 11:45am

Hi Nora:

Hugs to you. I think most people here have days like this. I frequently do. I have friends, but they don't understand the stress/anxiety that come with autism. I wish I had a better answer, but I just plain don't.

I too have been feeling this way. I just blended families with my sons (7.5 y/o AS, 4 u/o just behaves like his brother tho he is NT (although I'm beginning to wonder!)), and my fiance and his NT daughter (6 y/o). I tried over and over to explain to him that life with an autistic child is just SO different. I think he figured we've spent time together (weekends, 5 day vacas, etc.), so he knew what he was getting himself in to... WRONG. He's great about it, but he is kinda disjointed from it, while he does help with my son, he isn't the one who does all the meds/appointments/school, etc. (although neither does his birth dad), and the decision making is up to me. So, it does feel really lonely, and like the world could cave in at any moment. I've been blue for days over recent events in my house with my son, including a new prescription and a doctor who thinks after 4 visits he knows all there is to know. PUH-lease!

Always willing to chat, if you need someone to just listen or bounce thoughts off of.

best wishes,

Nicole

PS - we were done after the first, knowing his problems. My second was unplanned, but had an unexpected upside, it forced my 1st born out of his habitual rituals and need for precise timing. That was a little bit of a rough transition initially, and while there might be other side effects from the loss of rigidity, it certainly helped me feel like life was at least a little more on my schedule than that of an almost 4 year old! Also, the second child forced me to stop with the autism insanity and research for a little while (you just can't do it all with a newborn!), and it helped me really take a break from the time and effort of reading/crying/stressing, and just forced me to take each day as it came and get through it, and then try again. I found that to be the biggest upside to the second child (in addition, of course, to the child himself! lol)... hugs~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 11:53am

Yup, sure have. And it finally got bad enough and frequent enough that I started seeing a therapist nearly a year ago. It was a god send. She highly recomended I start doing something for myself even parttime and that was another god send. First I started working a few hours a week when the kids are in school, and now I am going back to school.

Is it possible to take a couple classes or something for yourself? Do something where you use your mind for something other than worrying about your sons autism? Something for you?

And naturally we are here to listen too and understand. The days aren't all bad and we all love our kids but this life is not an easy one and we can get overwhelmed at times. You need support and to take care of you so you can do the things to take care of your family.

Good luck.

Renee

Photobucket
Avatar for betz67
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 4:21pm

((((HUGS))))

You have no idea how many times in the last 8 years I've felt like this. I know that this is difficult and at times you feel like the only one in the world w/ these kinds of thoughts, but all of us here have walked in those shoes! We do understand and you're not alone. Maybe reaching out to a support group, you could find one from your local Autism Society, would give you other moms to lean on that have been there or are going through the same things.

passing you some of the great dark chocolate covered dried cranberries I discovered at Target-- Yummy! and a glass of wine if it helps!

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 4:39pm

Nora,

I frequently feel that way. I have an extremely large family and yet I regularly feel very alone and isolated. I have lots of 'helpful and caring' neighbors, but none of them have a clue and they tend to find entertainment in the most brain-numbing places (like the bottom of a bottle of booze).

The thing that saved my sanity (and Renee will say this is debatable... my sanity that is) is that about 5 years ago I started writing with the serious intent of getting published. It's helped tremendously. 1) It's very thereapudic, 2) It gives me someplace to 'retreat to' at the end of the day that has nothing to do with the world I live in, and 3) It forces me to occasionally get out into the world and talk to other adults about things that have absolutely nothing to do with ASDs. No better way to eject ASDs from the brain for a while then to open your mouth and ask a theoretical scientist about the plausable theories of Faster Than Light Travel.

Got any hobbies you'd like to persue? I also took up knitting again after 15 years just so I'd be forced to do something 'brainless' for a while each week. Ohhhhh but that helps! I've also recently made a point of doing things for myself that I've always put off doing because it made me feel guilty to 'waste time' on such things, like paint my nails every Sunday night.

Just know, you are not alone in feeling alone. And we're always here to chat should you need us.

~SG_1Niner

APOV on Autism

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 6:48pm
Well I try to paint my toes every Thrusday night if I have plans to go out over the weekend. I am walking with my DH at least 2x per week while DS is in school. I did hit the gym today.
I really don't have any family per say and my dad who's busy with his sick elderly sister (nevered married and no kids so go figure my dad is at her becon call) and he really doesn't get it.
I love this board so much cause even though you girls are all over the world I feel I can truly get it out there and know that someone understands ME.
God Bless all of you.
Avatar for maresgood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 2:37am
Hi, You didn't sat how old you ds is. I did read your profile & I am also from western Pa. My sister lives in Churchill & I went to nursing school on the North Side of Pittsburgh. GO STEELERS!! I enjoyed your list of positive autism traits also & read them to my Aspie dd who is 13 & still up @ 11PM. It does get easier as they get older. I was so depressed when my dd was first diagnosed. That was 4 yrs ago. Support groups helped me & her. I go for massage as much as I can & work out @ CURVES which helps me de-stress. I am also peri-menopausal which doesn't help LOL! I don't care where your child lies on the spectrum, it is a day to day struggle. AS AA says One day at a time. My NT dd 17 is never home, works & is out w/ friends all the time. My aspie dd drives me crazy but keeps me company, stays home most of the time, has conversations w/me mostly about crazy topics but we go hiking & shopping & to theater together & I treasure her for all that she is. Good luck to you, take care of yourself. I live in San Diego now but miss the "Burg" & go home every summer. Mary Ann
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 10:31am

We live in South Park PA!
My DS is 3 years old. He was dx'd with PDD April 2006. WE got early intervenion thru the alliance for infant and toddler. He also gets OT at Childrens Therpy Center in Washington PA (we are close to that). We are woking on another speech eval for next week too. He goes to The Early Learning Institute in Castle Shannon.
We got thru Westley Spectrum for our Wrap Around and he also attends Wonder Kids.
I work out at Curves too!
I actually work there. I work at the Bavarian Village one on Brownsville Rd.
I use to live in Beechview and was a member at the Curves on Banksville road and one day I asked for the job and I got it.

That's cool that you are my Pittsburgh friend and yes GO Steelers!!

Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 1:16pm
I feel the same way a lot. Within the past year, I gave up my friends who have NT children. I just don't have anything in common with them anymore. I'm considering finding a therapist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 4:17pm

You know, I was talking to my girlfriend with two children without autism, and she seems to have worse days than I do. I love to talk to her because she makes me feel like I have some things under control - and that I'm not alone in the world of mommyhood.

Unfortunately, she doesn't see the other side (therapy, school, IEP's, the constant worrying that my child will fit into some hole/group/team/something with people and not made fun of or left out) that I deal with every day. It also reminds me that it is all perspective, and I am allowed to hate life once in a while - as long as I remember how good I can have it, too.

The most important thing I've learned is that I should never feel like I am all alone - I will keep talking to people until I find someone I can "unite" with!!!

Keep talking to us!

Rachael

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2006
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 4:57pm

Today is a much better day. I have had my meltdown.
As for my friends not being there, my hubby and I realized that we need to make more friends with kids with dx.
There a few parents at ds school who want to do a play date sort of thing and I am gun ho over it.
I have lived 2 lives...............before dx and my current live after dx.
I have for all intent don't see my fomer buds unless it's a bday or some gathering.
I should see a therpist, but I have NO time for me let alone that too.
Thanks girls for being there.

Nora

Pages