Exposing himself and decline in behavior

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Exposing himself and decline in behavior
1
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 12:51pm

We just came from a meeting at school regarding DS's decline in behaviors over the last few weeks. He exposed himself three times in the lunchroom. He has also been licking the floors and doing other unhealthy things. His reason was "because I want the kids to think I'm gross". I see this as a blatant effort to gain attention and "make friends", of course in an inappropriate way. The school personnel spent a good 40 minutes rambling off all of the inappropriate and negative behaviors (rudeness, disrespect of authority, defiance, etc.), none of which is "new" per se, other than the part about exposing himself. These were things we had been aware of and supposedly working on through his behavior plan last year. Things are getting worse after much progress last year.

So, they look at us (DH and I) and say, "Is there something going on at home that might have caused this decline in behavior?" Of course it's our fault.

Then they go on to say, "So, do you have any suggestions?" HUH? Isn't that your job? Or perhaps the job of the behavior consultant you hired to do an FBA and make a bahavior plan for him? You know, the one who came once two months ago and hasn't been back since? Why don't you give HER a call? Morons. Sorry, that just slipped out.

I think part of the problem is that DS (9) is starting to realize that he doesn't have any friends and is doing anything he can to get attention and get the kids to laugh at him. He has been in social skills classes and KNOWS the right things to do (can recite the correct answers when asked), but isn't able to use that knowledge when presented with a real social situation. Is that an executive function issue?

All I know is they'd better start getting their act together as far as an appropriate behavior plan and supports, or this is only going to get worse.

Thanks for listening.
Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 3:04pm

It sounds like the school needs to step up their efforts. I'm less well-versed in how to make that occur since I'm still struggling to get my ds school to cooperate.

I did have another thought, though. My ds doesn't really have any "friends" at school, tho' he at least gets along well enough that he can find a kid or two to semi-regularly hang out with at recess. All of his real friends come from other settings, like from church or cub scouts. Those settings tend to have fewer kids per group and to focus more on treating people respectfully while learning new skills that make the boys feel more confident. Is your ds able to participate in something like cub scouts or karate or something where he might be able to make friends in another setting? Although my ds would like to have more friends at school, he's able to deal with it since he has friends in other settings.

Another thought I had was could your ds do something that would gain him attention in a positive way? Last year for whatever strange reason, my NT ds made himself a paper clip necklace. He wore it to school one day, and all the kids thought it was so cool (I guess it looks like a tough guy chain necklace). He ended up making necklaces/bracelets for a lot of kids in his class. Could your ds do something like that with either making jewelry for kids, or passing out pipe cleaners to play with, or doing magic tricks for them, or something that would get him the positive attention from peers that he's seeking?

One final thought: One year my AS ds had to take a gallon ziploc bag full of stuff he could play with in class during the winter when they had indoor recess. One day ds was lamenting that everyone else always wanted to play with his stuff, but no one ever played with HIM. I asked him to describe how the encounters occurred. Apparently the kids weren't necessarily trying to avoid playing with ds, but ds didn't realize he needed to be part of the process in getting the kids to play with him. I had to explain to him that when other children asked for some of ds stuff, he could use that moment to ask the kid whether they wanted to play with ds stuff WITH ds at his desk. It generated nominal success, but ds felt better knowing that sometimes kids would play with him. He just didn't know he needed to offer an invitation until I explained it and how to do so.

I hope someone else can better guide you, esp with the school stuff.