Extremely Interesting Article
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Extremely Interesting Article
| Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:52pm |
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=458563&in_page_id=1879
I have a hard time imagining how any of us "spectrum moms" could exist as Alphas- but if any of them exist on this board, please understand, my intention is not to offend.
I think this article may have actually given me a sense of superiority for a change! It's nice to let go of that inferiority complex, even if just for a little while. :-)
Amy


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I don't have the personality to be an Alpha mom, much less the time or the inclination. LOL!
My only issue with that article is that it says that alpha moms are highly-educated, which to me implies that beta moms are not. Personally, I think that it is partly my own education which has taught me to be more laid back with my kids. Just my opinion.
Thanks for sharing. It is nice to feel superior once in a while.
Heather
I agree Heather, I felt like they were saying that alpha moms are the highest educated moms and that beta moms are not. In fact I think beta moms are more likely to continue their education (tho not necessarily in the formal sense) throughout their lives, and encouraging their children to learn for a lifetime as well.
Thanks for the article Amy, they described our house to a T, from the blocks and train tracks in the living room to the craft projects on the kitchen table and the playdoh & crayons stashed throughout the house.
Oh, and I think the fact that I really don't care what my kids grades are as long as they pass and are learning the material drives teachers esp at the middle and highschool levels batty. I sometimes wish my kids made the honor roll, but I don't want them to be like I was, a perfectionist who didn't really learn the material just got good grades to impress my parents and other people (and ended up w/ anorexia and depression).
Betsy
No offense to anyone, but what a bunch of pooo....
I hate articles like that. And those studies that say that putting kids in daycare is bad and the difference between a metro-sexual and...blah, blah, blah! It's a bunch of poo and a waste of time as far as I'm concerned. I don't feel it's necessary to pigeon-hole everyone with a label. I'm sure there are parents like Alpha moms out there. But to make up some phony backlash and use the word "war"....geeze, let's all just get over ourselves, please. There doesn't have to be a working mom vs stay at home mom thing. To each his own.
Shouldn't we all be trying to be more organized while still allowing time to play and just hang out? Don't we want a balance between the "alpha" and "beta" mom? Putting a label on parenting styles and saying one is better than the other is a slippery slope. I don't want my kids thinking I'm perfect or that I think I'm better than anyone else. This article is still perpetrating the same elitist mentality that gets people micro-managkng their kids' lives. If "beta" parenting is better, are people going to start bragging about how long their son's hair is and how many cheerios they found under the sofa cushions yesterday?!?! I refuse to buy into it at all........
OK, off soap box.....I think I'll go burn my bra....;)
LOL
Chrystee
No offense taken, Chrystee...but I think you may be taking the article too seriously. Remember, it's coming from a European news source, and was written very tongue-in-cheek. (Not something that American writers are as adept at.) But honestly, I think it's a bit like the Homer Simpson "It's funny 'cuz it's true!" line.
I am surrounded by Alpha moms. Some of my closest friends are Alphas...and let me tell you, I get sick and flippin' tired of people looking down their nose at me because I haven't put our kids into any activities. As if signing Claire up for soccer is going to "cure" her autism!?!? I have to disagree with your statement that the backlash is phoney. I think it's very real and I experience it almost daily.
Before autism, I would've considered myself to be an Alpha mom, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I wanted it all, and truly believed I could have it all. But now my priorities are different. I'm not saying that either lifestyle is better- I'm just saying that it would be really tough to be an Alpha mom and a Spectrum mom.
Amy
Dear all,
That was interesting, and I love a tongue-in-cheek tone. But I have a bra to burn for this article, too. The article did not make fun of the assumption that the full responsibility for the outcome of the the child-rearing falls on Mum. I don't need that kind of pressure. It takes a village...
-Sidney
Actually I think the article is a bit presumptive and condescending. The writer is assuming the so called 'alpha moms' don't love and care or nurture their children etc...merely because they are professionals, and as all of us understand, what someone sees from the outside often has no real bearing on what is going on inside the home. If one of our kids is simply over-stimulated, the fact that it may appear to others that we have obnoxious, ill-mannered kids who we don't discipline doesn't become the truth. As a working mom, you may absolutely see me tapping something into my Palm while waiting to pull up so I can walk DD up to her teacher, or taking my son to an activity, or that we have learning toys as well as play-doh but that certainly doesn't mean I or my kids are automatons. In fact, the fact that I CAN tap something into my Palm allows me to be the one taking my child to school, talking to her teachers, discussing her issues and prgress and provide for my family. I think there are likely very few people who are as extreme as the writer portrays and its a bit self delusional to create an unrealistic alternative just to make oneself feel better. We all make choices and decisions, some of us has greater obstacles to take into consideration when making those choices, but hopefully we make the right decisions based upon our own and our family needs, not based upon the perception of someone on the outside. Articles like this do very little to move thinigs forward down the path towards empathy for the choices of those unlike ourselves.
jmho
Wow, I never saw this article as an attack on professional moms vs. stay-at-home moms. Quite the opposite, actually. I don't think that being an Alpha requires somebody to work outside of the home. Shoot, I have family members who are stay-at-home Alphas. And I certainly didn't take it to mean that professionals don't love and nuture their children the way stay-at-home mom's do. Obviously the author of the story is a professional writer, so perhaps that's why I didn't read the article the way others did???
In reality, aren't the vast majority of us the "proper mix" between Alphas and Betas??? Isn't that what makes us all good moms???
Guess what I considered a bit of humor, was horribly offensive to some. My apologies. In the future I'll refrain from such postings.
Amy
I think it all boils down to being comfortable in your own shoes and at the end of the day being happy with who you are. There is always going to be the age-old debate between stay at home and working mom's. I am a full-time working mom, I juggle daycare and spending time with ds, laundry, doctors appointments, and trying to fit everything else in too, and it works for us! If I could stay home I would, but I would probably be bored once Nick started school! I consider myself both Alpha and Beta Mom. You will find a VSmile, LeapPad, a soon to be Leapster, flashcards, all kinds of educational toys in my house, I have a schedule of what needs to be cleaned on what day of the week (so we dont do it on the weekends), I plan my menu's (or we dont eat!), that is the only way my house runs smoothly! At the same time, Nick has a dedicated space in my huge garden to dig in the dirt, there is play-doh, bins of craft stuff, a zillion matchbox cars, monster trucks, we are barefoot as much as we can be, we chase down the ice cream truck, and dont sweat the small stuff.
I would burn my bra if I had the boobs I had when I was 17, but they dont sit where they used to!! :)~
Christine
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Christine
Amy, please don't refrain posting things like this. Some people may choose to be offended by it, but some of us aren't. And I say that even though I have a few quarrels with the article myself.
You were right that the author wasn't referring to the differences between SAHMs and WOHMs, she said so right at the beginning. She was referring to differences between hyper-organizing and non-organizing. For us Homeschooler it would be like the difference between using the Classical Method and Unschooling. When someone asks me which method I use I say "A little of each. I use what works for my kids." And the same is true of my overall parenting style. I am both Alfa and Beta. And then again, I'm neither.
In reference to social comparison the words 'alpha' and 'beta' do not mean 'first' and 'second'; they mean 'dominant' and 'submissive'.
As an individual I'm an Alfa. I draw hard lines and enforce them with vehemence. I'm immune to peer pressure. If I end up loosing all of my friends because I say no to something that they want me to do then I'm of the school of thought that they were never my friends in the first place.
As a wife I'm a Bata first, with a trace of the Alfa where it's needed. My husband says he tells people that I'm a closet redhead because I'm hard to anger, but once you do it's time to take cover and start praying. My husband is the head of our household. Yes I said it. And no, I'm not going to explain it because it's exactly what it sounds like: my husband is the boss inside these four walls. But, sometimes I need to be the Alfa and be the one to make decisions he either isn't present to make, doesn't have the information to make an educated decision on, or is just plain confused.
As a mother I'm evenly keeled. When it comes to the children I'm the boss, end of story. I don't let the educators, doctors, or therapists we hire push me around. I do the scheduling, and it's on my schedule or I find someone else. There are maybe 2 or 3 professionals in my children's lives that I will bend to work around their schedules for. I pick the schoolwork. The kids get to pick their own electives, etcetera, but I choose what academics they take and when. I've also been known to overrule an elective because I knew the kid requesting it wasn't ready for it yet. BUT, I'm a huge believer in letting a kid just be a kid. I believe in homemade cookies and spontaneous craft and science projects 'just because'. "Mom, what happens when you put a marshmallow in the microwave?" "Go do it and find out." We have a closet in our house that is designed to hold coats... it holds no less that 15 balls of different sizes and bouncability instead. The giant exercise ball shares space with the baby's armchair in our living room. My kids' favorite water pistol is the sprayer on the end on the hose. If my kids fail a subject they do it over. I tell them "Don't worry about it. It's more important for you to learn and understand than to get the good grade the first time around." I believe in wooden blocks and silly putty (even if my floors disagree). I believe in food fights and good old-fashioned tag. I believe in differentiating between play clothes and 'going to town clothes', because, lets face it, I also believe that a kid needs to eat a certain amount of dirt in order to be considered a kid. But I still don't want them going to Reading Club in stained, nasty t-shirts and holey jeans. I believe we have shampoo and soap for a reason... so my kids can go roll in the mud as much as they want and know that they won't have to go to bed all caked over and stiff. Running water... same reason.
All in all I don't see myself as either Alfa or Beta, and yet I'm both. As far as education? Not a factor. I have a PhD with two specialties, a master's degree, 2 bachelors, and more than 3 specialized associates. And I still don't feel like an 'expert' on anything except my own kids... and maybe Azdia.
Who do I identify with? When all is said and done I think I'm fundamentally a Beta Mom. And personally, I'm glad to see the reemergence of that type as being 'healthy'.
~Candes
Amy,
Please don't stop posting things like this, even if not everyone agrees. I think a bit of friendly debate is a good thing because it gets folks thinking and looking at themselves.
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
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