eye contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
eye contact
7
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 11:57am
How do I go about improving eye contact in ds? He is 27 months old. He has a language delay. I usually will not give in to his request until he looks in my eyes. Or I remind him that he has to call my name and look at me. I need more help. I actually think he has better eye contact with other people than with me!lol!
He is in early intervention and I am trying to find his a speech path.
Thanks
Sonya
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
In reply to: saggzz
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 9:25pm

Hi Sonya! I don't know if any of my ideas will help. But I have a couple of things that have worked for me with Lily. When Lily was in ECI, I guess around 2.5 yrs old or so, I would tell her to "Look at my eyes, Lily", instead of just calling her name or asking her to look at me. Oddly enough, since she doesn't like eye contact, this tactic worked for a while. It doesn't really work now that she's older, but it did at the time. The only reason that I can think of that it worked is because it was a very specific request. She didn't care if I said her name, but if I gave her the "job" of looking at my eyes, she would at least respond to me. Recently, we took Lily to a psychologist that came highly recommended from teachers and parents at our elementary school. He observed and played with her for about 3.5 hours. He noticed that the further away from her that he was, the better her eye contact. So, I tried it at home. I stood further away from her and she actually looked at me for longer! I couldn't believe that in 4 yrs I never noticed that myself! Anyway, those are just a couple of ideas. I know how frustrating it can be to not be able to get or maintain eye contact with our children. Sometimes I feel like there is a canyon between Lily and I, and then on other days, the distance seems much smaller. I don't know if that even makes sense. I'm sure that there are some others on the board who will have great advice for you.

Amy~mom to Natalie (10 yrs.) and Lily (4 yrs)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: saggzz
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 10:26pm

Actually, I don't force eye contact. I think it is overrated.

It is actually very difficult for my kids to maintain eye-contact often to the point of extreme discomfort. In fact, if my dd is stressed or excited she does what dh and I affectionately term "talk to the ear".

For my kids with autism, they cannot concentrate on the conversation and make eye-contact at the same time. It is one of those differences that I don't see as important to "normalize".

What I think is important is teaching them to have joint-attention, conversational/communication skills, adaptive behavior skills, independent living skills, etc.

Renee

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: saggzz
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 9:05am

I agree with Renee on this one. I don't force eye contact with either of my spectrum kiddos. (Or my undiagnosed Aspie DH, for that matter.) It didn't take long for me to realize that they had an even harder time staying on topic when they were forced to try to look at me during a conversation. It's just not one of the battles I've chosen to fight.

Having said that, I should also that when I do get eye contact, I make sure and praise them for it.

Amy

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
In reply to: saggzz
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 10:37am

I seem to be in-between.


I don't force eye-contact, but I do remind them to give it; or at least to look in the direction of the person to whom they are speaking: I do this with a casual hand-gesture (no words):

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
In reply to: saggzz
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 3:36pm

I don't really give eye-contact much thought, really.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: saggzz
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 3:46pm

I also agree on the eye contact thing. I know in the past, before realizing their was a potential idea of AS I would force it, because I wanted his/his bro's full attention when I had to explain why they had to stop the behavior they were doing, and what consequences would happen if they continued. The response I would get if I waited long enough (which I would) is a very very wide eyed look, kinda like staring right thru me. At first I thought it was just them being bratty, but now I understand. It was the only way they COULD do it.

Now its okay if I don't get eye contact, as long as they hear me and understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: saggzz
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 3:48pm
Good idea Paula! I think I might try that.