Falling apart
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| Fri, 12-14-2007 - 6:03pm |
I honestly don't know what to do here. This year has been a nightmare for Haley... having to go to a different school this year to begin with. Then we ended up moving out of our house and into a new one on the military installation which involved another school change because the old one was just too far to go back and forth. That started off good but it is now unraveling. To top things off, a week after we moved in here, my husband got orders that he is being medically discharged from the military so that means yet ANOTHER move. At least this will be our last move but still... This is horrible on Haley.
Anyway, this is an email I got from her mainstream teacher...
Mrs. XXXXXX,We had a couple problems today that I need to discuss. First, she has been having issues on the bus. Nothing major, but mostly is not listening to the driver. She also told the bus driver she didn't have a mother. This was when the bus driver said she was going to talk to Haley's mother.
During writing, she started to cry. When I talked to her, she said that someone heard her say she was moving and they said, "Thank God!". She is starting a pattern to try to avoid writing.
I investigated what she had said today, and the cafeteria yesterday, and I believe the chances are pretty good that these things did not happen. I'm afraid she is making this up to garner sympathy, or deflect attention to not have to write.
I want to once again state that we feel she is a capable student. We are taking it easy right now to allow her to get comfortable. She is going to have to start working a little harder in the near future. We do have the NY State English test coming up next month. I want her to get a good grade on that test.
She has also stated that your family is moving in February. Is there any truth to this? We just need to know.Mr. XXXXXXX
I am at a complete loss as to what to do. Do I work with her the best I can? Do I insist she be exclusively in the special ed class? Do I yank her out and home school her til after our final move? I don't know...


Oh Jill,
I'm sorry. Poor Haley isn't getting any benefit of the doubt here, is she? I feel bad for both of you. I don't honestly know what I would do in your shoes. I would definitely meet ewith the teacher and try and hammer home the
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You know since your looking at another move, I wouldn't worry so much about her situation right now.
Thank you all so much. I have been stewing about this all night and this morning. I'm going to get with the teacher and hash this out. I was talking with my dad about this on the phone this morning and it just dawned on me... considering how much trouble Haley is having right now, she is not going to get anywhere between now and Feb. She isn't going to get anything out of schooling in that time because she's shutting down and refusing to do anything... at least most of the time. It can take a long time to break through that and get her on track. It isn't going to happen like this.
Every school so far has made the same mistakes with her. They know she's smart and always say she is a capable student. Yeah... she's capable. But if you can't break through the walls she puts up, that capability doesn't mean squat. They have to work WITH her instead of just expecting normal productivity from her.
Writing has always been a huge issue for her. Her mind just doesn't work that way. Writing a simple paragraph is too difficult because her mind can't focus on the details that are required. Right now they are doing poetry which is even harder for her to deal with. She can't do rhyming and things like that. Her mind just won't work that way.
The teacher says she's making up these things to get out of that or to garnish sympathy for her situation. maybe that's true, maybe not. All I know is I see a genuinely upset and frustrated child. If she is making it up, she has reasons for it. But what it all boils down to is that she is unable to cope with the changes. This school is much further advanced than her last one and because of that, she feels like she's just been thrown to the sharks. She doesn't have a chance to adjust.
Rocket, Haley is an aspie too. ;) She has the same problem... the teachers think she just isn't applying herself and just doesn't want to do the work. It isn't that she doesn't want to... she just can't. It is so frustrating trying to point that out to teachers too. :(
Anyways, thank you all so much for your input on this. I am going to see what I can do here and see if I can't get them to cut her some slack.
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Aspie)
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
I feel for your daughter! My son is adhd with anxiety (flirts with asperger's but not enough to diagnose) and he also has a very difficult time with writing assignments. I recently had more testing done - academic and IQ - and his written expression is in the 23% where everything else is above 90%. Have you had testing like this done? It finally gave proof that my son has documented issues here, and he isn't just pretending it's too hard. Just like Haley, my son is so capable that his 2nd grade teacher (new school - BAD fit of a teacher) was very hard on him regarding writing. I am working on getting an IEP or 504 plan to address this. Last year - before we had the testing - the principal suggested the teacher give my son a scaled down alternate assignment - for example - he can't seem to do open ending writing assignments - too hard to organize his thoughts. The teacher gave him an alternate of 5 questions on a topic with specific goals - three sentences each - it really helped him. It was the same topic, so he still had to work, but it was much easier for him.
You are right that the rest of this school experience is probably shot, but you don't want your daughter to get into a bad habit or avoiding all writing - do you think the current teacher could give her some accommodations to help her thru this?
Moving is so hard - I feel for you. I don't know if you have an IEP or 504 but if you do make sure the writing issues are addressed - to add to our issues, this writing pressure gave my son tremendous anxiety - and it sounds like your daughter has anxiety too - the holiday break can't come soon enough!
Thank you. That sounds great about the scaled down assignments. I will ask about that as well. She has the same kind of trouble organizing thoughts. She's fine if she has very clear and specific directions but if she has to write something on a random subject, forget it. Won't happen.
We do have an IEP but I don't think there is anything in it about writing. I will definitely see about having that added in.
I completely agree about not wanting her to get into a habit of avoiding things. Partly why I'm reluctant about home schooling temporarily. After we move, I'm going to have to go back to work full time so she would HAVE to go back to school. I'm afraid if I let her stay home right now, it will just be harder to get her back into the swing of things. So we will see what can be done.
Thanks again!
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Aspie)
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
I just wanted to add my hugs to what everyone else has said.
((((HUGS))))
Sounds just like all the stuff Weston's gone through this year. I had a very enlightening talk w/ the special ed coordinator from the elementary school he went to, basically, they didn't believe until he started having full meltdowns that he really was affected by his autism. They couldn't believe that what i said was really true. They now understand that pushing him to complete assignments tho he's capable intellectually is unproductive because often he isn't able to physically or emotionally handle the assignment. He also may not truly understand the assignment.
I have no advice, just lots of understanding.
Thank you both. You know, that has been our problem since 3rd grade. All the testing says that Haley is either average or above average academically so they always say that they know she can do the work... she just doesn't want to. I keep telling them that I know she is academically capable of doing it but psychologically, she isn't. They just don't seem to get that and for the life of me, I don't know why it is so difficult for them to see that. They see the avoidance, the crying, the tantrums... Clearly the NT kids don't do this so hello? She has an IEP for a reason. It isn't there just for show.
I get that they want her to reach her potential and everything but trying to force it out of her isn't going to make that happen. That doesn't work with any child. :(
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Aspie)
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp