Family....what is wrong with them????

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Registered: 02-24-2004
Family....what is wrong with them????
6
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 8:00pm

Ok, my BIL just called. He wanted to know if he could come by and pick the boys up to take them to his daughter's basketball game. HUH??????? First of all, Ty is home with a cold today....so it was easy to say no. But COME ON!!!!! Like I would let them take Nathan without me!!!!! There is no way I would torture my son.

They know nothing about autism. What if Nathan had a meltdown? What if he just starting crying? What if he wanted to leave? What would they do? Would they even KNOW what to do?????

I just don't understand. They know he's autistic. They pretty much only see the boys on holidays or special occasions. Just because they don't "see" everything ......DOES NOT MEAN EVERYTHING IS FINE AND THAT I'M CRAZY!!! Now I know that my INLAWS are completely and totally unaware of our life.

I called dh at work...he was busy. But he did say that his family does not understand, so at least dh is aware of this. When I told him what his brother said, dh says, "well, Ty is sick, and Nathan can't handle the noise, he won't want to go!!" I said, "I KNOW!!!" What is wrong with your family???

This just really irks me. They have called before...trying to get me to bring the boys to the basketball games. But the games are always at dinnertime....and sometimes during the middle of the week. UH.....the boys have school, homework, bath, bedtime....A SCHEDULED ROUTINE....HELLO????

Sorry.....I don't know why this is upsetting me. I guess this is why these people never talk to me about Nathan when I see them. They probably think dh and I are crazy, and that Nathan is not autistic.

michelle

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 8:18pm

LOL! I had to laugh at your title! It pretty much says it all.

But, hey, at least you've got family who make offers to do things they thing the kids might like...even if they are a bit misguided. My mom lives two miles a way, and has never offered to do anything at all with the boys. No coming over to bake cookies, no trips to parks. My dad lives about twenty miles away, and ditto with him. My sister, who lives at the Northern tip of CA (we're in SF Bay Area) has only seen David once, and Nathan NEVER...nor has she expressed any interest. If any of them ever did suddenly offer to do something with the boys (like babysit them so that DH and I could have our annual date), it's really too late, since they haven't built up enough rapport.

If it didn't mean torturing Nathan, I'd say you should let them take him just so they could *see*. But that wouldn't be fair on him.

Families! Humpfh! Whaaaat are they good for? Absolutely nothing! (Oh, wait, that's not how that song goes.)

Evelyn

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 8:19pm

You can pick your friends - you can pick your nose - you can even pick your friend's nose - but you can't pick your family. I wish I could at times too!

((HUGS)),
Christie

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 8:53pm

Now if Nathan where to have fun and wasn't one who tended to wander off or it was something where you feel he would be safe I would send him if just for the big I TOLD YOU SO later.

Often I have had family who think they want to help out. Or friends who think I am nuts and they can handle it. With Mike I know they will call me pretty darn quick but I don't let it be out at social gatherings. But an invite over to a house, oh yeah just for FUN!

But I agree, I wouldn't send him to a basketball game if in anyway he is going to be upset by it or if he was in any danger. But if he would enjoy it and be safe then I would let him go.

I don't let Mike go to those things out with others because they don't understand the level of supervision that he requires. Other than behavior outbursts, Mike can tend to get lost easily as well as not notice what is going on around him including cars. Take the broken thumb for instance.

Well family is fun aren't they

Renee

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Registered: 02-24-2004
Fri, 02-17-2006 - 9:08pm

Evelyn, dh's family only offers like once every 2yrs!!! They really don't have a great relationship...if any with the boys. That's another reason it bugs me. My MIL never does anything with the boys. The get hugs/kisses when they see her....THAT'S IT. She doesn't talk or interact with them really. They live an hour away, and come here to go shopping (our city is bigger, more stores)....but RARELY if ever stop by while in town.

Christie, that is TOO FUNNY....never heard that one before!LOL

Renee, I don't think I would worry about danger with Nathan...he doesn't really wander. But he has a real, and I mean REAL hard time understanding dh's family. They talk fast, ask tons of questions, etc. No matter how many times you tell them. Nathan will start stimming, spacing off...and they STILL don't get it!! They just continue asking their questions!!! Nathan is also bad at watching for cars, or anything for that matter. He's always running into things. Things that are NOT moving too!! Even though he's 7, he's not really. And they just don't get that you have to watch him. He doesn't talk alot, won't tell them if he needs to use the restroom...if he's thirsty or hungry. He does still look to me when we're out. Especially when other people are talking to him. He gets confused easily....especially if it's somewhere loud!

michelle

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Registered: 06-09-2005
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 10:50am

Yeah, we have similar struggles with family. My sisters are pretty good with Ryan, because they've listened to what I tell them, and read the info, books or websites I give them. I think at some level they really don't believe that he is an Aspie, but at least they follow my instructions, and I can trust him with them. They are over protective mothers to their own kids anyway, so that works for me, lol!

Dh's family is another story. They all get this glazed look in their eyes when we try and describe Asperger's or autism spectrum or anything to them. They just don't get it. I don't think I would really trust Ryan with them , because like some of the others, he isn't good at looking out for cars, stuff like that. And my one BIL and his wife aren't very good at watching their own kids, they wouldn't be good with Ryan. They're lucky they have pretty independent kids.

Here's my biggest gripe with dh's family. Ryan hates kisses. Not sure how this started or what but it has been this way for a while. Not even from dh and I. He likes hugs, high fives, hand shakes, etc. We have taught him to say to family "I don't like kisses, but I really like hugs!", or "I love hugs, but no kisses, please". Someone from dh's family will still give him a big smooch, saying "but you'll like my kisses!", or "I'm going to steal a kiss!' ARGHHHHH! Possible meltdown, or at least a tear or two. C'mon, it's been 3 years already, if he asks you not to kiss him, just don't do it.

Sorry for the vent, I feel much better now. btw, Ryan's bday is the 19th, he'll be 7. We are having a family party, so I'm gearing up for the family assault.

Kate

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Registered: 02-24-2004
Sat, 02-18-2006 - 11:57am

Kate,

My family is pretty good about things too. It's just dh's family that I have problems with as well! I'm also teaching Nathan to speak up and "tell" the family (and other people) when he doesn't like something. People just don't seem to BELIEVE me when I tell them!! The hugs and kisses thing bothers Nathan too! Dh's family are REAL big on this!! Nathan tolerates it ok. He's pretty used to them, and hasn't said anything about it.....so far. But his autie traits have surfaced more this past year, so he may be saying something to them in the future! I don't like it when other people expect hugs and kisses from him though. I do hear the same comments that you wrote. For some reason people think that teasing and torture is FUN for children!!!!

Even when I was little...I hated people who wanted hugs and kisses. I didn't feel that I knew them well enough to do this. It makes you feel so awkward as a child. Why is it that when people become adults...they forget what it was like to be a kid????????

michelle