Feeling hopeless and overwhelmed...
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 03-30-2006 - 4:18pm |
I'm mostly a lurker here but I just need to vent a little.
DS will be 10 next month. Got dx two years ago: Aspergers/PDD-NOS. Now I'm realizing he has a serious mood disorder as well. His therapist says he acts like a very depressed person.
Lately he is so volatile. He has no tolerance for even the smallest inconvenience. I am so battle worn. His attitude is negative about everything and he thinks he should get his way ALL the time. I'm wondering how one human being can be so selfish. It's not fair to his brother or any of the family for us to be walking on eggshells all the time.
My question is how do you not take all these verbal assaults personally? I know his anger is his defense mechanism to his anxiety, and that irritability is a symptom of depression but I just feel like I am walking around with a target on the back of my head or something. He cooperates less when he's with me to the point that I feel I am a prisoner in my own home. The tantrums and complaining are just not worth the hassle. Last week when I took him to the gym he wouldn't stay in the childcare. "It smells bad... I'm tired and there's no place to lie down..." and on and on. I know sensory dysfuntion is part of this disorder but at what point do you limit your daily functions to cater to him?
We are experimenting with new meds AGAIN. It just seems that meds work for a few months at a time and then this irritability returns.
I know a lot of the problem is that he is off track, been out of school since March 3 so we are suffering from too much togetherness. School starts up again Monday but that is a whole other set of anxieties. The last two weeks it was difficult to get him there, he was crying and getting so worked up he puked. Obviously he has big problems but I don't know what to do.
He has an IEP. He gets resource center time for math 3 days a week and social skills weekly. This recent behavior tells me he needs a 1:1 aide. I'd like to know what others think.
I'm going on and on, sorry but like I said I just need to get some of it off my chest. I woke up crying and now I'm at it again.
Can anyone give any advice?
Thanks,
Christine

Just sending along some sympathy to you. BTDT.
It has been a long slow process but we seem to be making some headway. My Mike can be alot like that. Just overwhelmed with life. Cait can too if in the wrong situation. They are starting to get back on the right track or I am starting to figure them out, lol.
You are right about the off tract thing. Change is EVIL I tell you pure EVIL!
We have found some things that help. First diet and health changes. I really am coming to believe that what goes into our kids bodies and how it is processed makes a huge difference on how they feel, process and function. Personally, we have hugely cut sugar and chemicals of all sorts and gone organic for the most part. I am in the process of changing over all our cleaning products and self care products as well. Just don't need the chemicals affecting thier neurology. They have enough neurologic strikes as it is.
I couldn't keep up the diet totally so I have found digestive enzymes have helped alot for that. I am really digging those.
And DEFINITELY sensory diet/issues. If Mike is overstimulated I must help him regulate his sensory system before I can expect him to be able to comply at all. When he is unregulated you cannot even communicate with him.
Next, some behavioral strategies. I think largely it was really tuning into the kids. Figuring out what set them off and how to make changes toward that. Trying to plan and prepare in advance for tough situations.
Also, a no tolerance on certain behaviors. Even if Mike has a harder time controlling himself and understanding than most kids, some things are still unacceptable and the only way he will understand is with no tolerance for the behavior.
This was coupled with cognitive strategies. One thing that has really helped is giving him the power to realize the choice is his or what I have heard of as "forced choices". In other words clearly explaining that you have the choice to do x or y will happen if you don't. If you do x then z will happen. So you need to clean your room. If you don't then you will not be able to watch TV. It is your choice, if you want to watch TV you must first clean your room.
I have been recomending "The Explosive Child" alot lately but I really feel like he has good strategies in there. Also for any meltdown's or rages "Asperger Syndrome and difficult moments" is awesome.
There are many other little things I use daily, but really for some reason none of them seemed to take effect until I addressed the nutrition and sensory needs. Then he was more able to respond to those other approaches.
Renee
Thanks for your insights Renee. I was wondering if you could tell me more about regulating the sensory system. I imagine it works differently for each kid but how do you go about figuring out what works?
Thanks,
Christine
Have you looked into Sensory Integration Disorder or an OT assessment? He may need one. Understanding his sensory system has alot to do with regulation. Mike has a significant sensory integration disorder so for him learning to regulate is a huge piece of the puzzle.
"Asperger Syndrome and Sensory Issues" would be a great book to read and start with.
Also, the "Alert Program" would be great. I keep wanting to get my sons school to do it with him. I am going to ask again. I want to do it too but for success for him it is going to have to be a combined effort. I really think it is time to teach him self regulation and this program may be a big part.
Until now regulation has really been overseen alot by me. I know it is time for him to learn how to self regulate. Dave needs to too so maybe they can do it together.
Renee
Hi Christine,
I have a 15 y/o with Bi-Polar disorder, Tourette's Syndrome, Conduct Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and an undefined psychotic disorder. I also have a 10y/o with Autism, microcephaly, ODD and epilepsy. I know all about volatile. The best advice I have is get in to see an OT and get some kind of a sensory diet going. Alot of problems can be avoided if you keep their stimulus at a managable level. Some kids require extra stimulation at some times and less at others and it really helps to have an OT put together a plan for you. The book "The Explosive Child" is also a great resource.
I agree with Renee, there are some beahviors that you just work around and cope with and there are others that you just don't tolerate - period. Everyone has their own comfort level around what they are willing to deal with, but over the years ours has boiled down to, no swearing, no physical violence, no property destruction and nothing illegal.
Behavioral therapy is great for these kids. They need to learn how to manage their reactions to their emotions and nothing works for this except lots and lots of practice. My older son has been in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy since he was 6 and it has really made a difference in his life - he is still in CBT and probably will be for quite a few years more.
If you can find anything that he responds to positively use it for all it's worth. I'm a real big fan of bribery - of course the therapists call it "positive reinforcement" but it just looks like bribery to me. I reward all the good stuff around here. If you are spending so much time being positve and praising them for the good stuff they have less time to be doing the bad stuff. If my son said he didn't want to go into the childcare center because it smelled bad I would have praised him for recognizing that he couldn't handle the situation and tried to talk him into finding a solution to the bad smell problem. Probably not what any parenting book would recommend but it is what works for us. If my son feels validated he tends to stop pushing and try and help us work through it.
Of course there are always going to be those days when it seems like nothing is working and all you can do about them is just get through them.
Take some time to take care of yourself
Beverly