Feeling like a horrible mom today

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Registered: 07-20-2002
Feeling like a horrible mom today
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 3:21pm

I feel like such an idiot. The kids wanted to go downtown to see all the Olympic stuff going on. Knowing how little Matthew and Nicole like crowds, I warned them and they said they wanted to try. ,so my mom and dad came with us. Halfway there on the skytrain,( which is an experience in itself right now, let me tell you LOL), my sister called,and decided to head down to meet us. Matthew and Nicole did well with the crowds,and only had a few issues with some sudden noises(people were running cheering and yelling down teh street...the odd drum...stuff like that lol)...but really quite loving the whole thing. (and here is where I realize I left out that Hailey decided to stay behind and sleep over at a friends house LOL). We had enough time to buy a timmies,and we were heading to the nearest "house"...since my poor knee really can't do much at all! We hit a super super crowded spot...my mom took Nicole in front of her,and I had my sisters son J, and Matthew,and was keeping a clear spot around them so that they wouldn't get squooshed or panic. It was working well. And we thought we were making headway through the crowd.

Until the laser lights started. And the loudspeaker. And the giant flames.

And Nicole and Matthew LOST it! We were stuck in a tiny corner with a sea of people in front of us...no way to get them away from the show,and they are both just hysterical. Thank GOODNESS an amazing lady came up and started talking to Matthew. I was just starting to explain that he was ASD and that was why he was losing it...I got out "he's a...."..and she just smiled and said "I know". She totally refocused him and my mom was able to take him around a corner where there was a bit more space. She turned and started calming Nicole down...at least enough where we could move her. I started to thank her, but she disappeared. I could have kissed her!

In the meantime, it turns out a male passerby saw what was going on,and informed a police officer around the corner....when I got Nicole around the corner to join my mom and Matthew, he had a corner with seats,and 3 police officers blocking off the corner so there was space for them. They were still fairly hysterical at this point, as the show was going on above us, so he found a small shelter and talked the vendors into letting the kids sit in there. By now poor J was crying too.....

Then the show ended,and Nicole started saying she had to go to the bathroom...NOW. And she does mean now! lol! An officer took her, I followed...he pushed his way through the crowds...ran her to a bathroom and we JUST made it. When we got there and I had a chance to turn around...there had been another couple officers behind me, to make sure we made it!

2 officers walked us to the skytrain station once the crowd dispersed. The one officer told the kids that he was in charge of all the other officers,and they should come visit sometime and he would give them a tour(he even gave Nicole an apparently hard to find pin of theirs...she is thrilled LOL)...they all went way above and beyond to help get us out of there...even passing us off to the skytrain police who made sure we could get one the next skytrain. SO completely impressed with how they insisted on helping us. And for the record, I saw other police officers going well out of their ways to help other people out consistently....they really went beyond their job descriptions to make it an enjoyable event for everyone there!

I feel horrible though :( I really thought they could handle it...and they WERE...until we stumbled on the light/fire show. *sigh* Lesson learned......

The crowd was amazing though...so neat to see so many people in one area,and ALL exceptionally nice and thoughtful, not one person failed to notice the kids and move out of the way,and tons went out of there way to say hi to them or high five them....it was so family friendly! We just stumbled on the wrong place at the wrong time!

I have to admit, I am kind of glad we didn't get any further...my poor knee is SO done...and we didn't get far at all!

I hate feeling like I traumatized them.

Kelly, single mom to

N, 11 years old, Bipolar, adhd, anxiety disorder, sensory regulatory disorder,Non verbal learning disorder, developmental coordination disorder, complex partial epilepsy,verbal working memory impairment.

H, 9 yrs, Very active, jumpy little person. And very typical too LOL!

M, 7 yrs, Anxiety disorder, PDD NOS.

Kelly, single mom to

N, 11 years old, Bipolar, ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, Sensory Regulatory Disorder,Non Verbal Learning Diso

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 4:20pm

Hi Kelly,

I was reading your amazing story wondering how on earth you could possibly get "the horrible mom" title out of it and I still don't get it, hon. We are not bad mothers for letting our kids try new things and going outside their comfort zones. Will there be meltdowns and difficulties? Sure, that's the nature of the beast with ASD. But what an amazing adventure you all had. I am sorry it became so difficult, but you were all very brave and the kids got to experience something historic and wondrous. I still kinda wish I had taken DS to Obama's Inauguration, even though it was cold and super crowded and was going to be challenging to figure out all the details.

And how wonderful about all the help you received. It warms the heart to know there are so many helpful people in the world!

Feel better. You are a great mom and your kids are lucky to have you.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 6:15pm

Don't be so hard on yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 10:27pm

Not a terrible mom at all.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
Sun, 02-21-2010 - 7:52pm

After reading this, I think you are an

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 4:41am

I think you did really well. And I don't think you are a horrible mom at all. I went to a really inspiring talk by a woman with ASD who said that it was really important that she had experienced lots of difficult things, including stressful and disappointing things: she said they might have been very hard for those caring for her, but if she hadn't, she would never have learned the skills to cope with stress and disappointment (or even how to cope with joy and excitement which for many ASD kids is just as difficult to cope with!). So I think you are right to expose them to things outside their comfort zone, even if they might meltdown.

Hats off to your local police: that does counterbalance some of the hundred of stories I have of public meltdowns where we just got a load of grief!

Kirsty, mum to Euan (11, Aspergers) Rohan (7, NT) and Maeve (4, NT)

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"

Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/


Avatar for sselwa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 8:13am

Kelly please don't beat yourself up.

Susan, mom to Sam 11 and Connor 9
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 4:00pm


You are a wonderful mom!!!