Feeling resentful of my sister
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| Mon, 02-13-2006 - 11:51pm |
I posted this on the autism board but would love some more advice. This is really bothering me a lot, Thanks!
Hello, my son Jacob is 28 months old and was diagnosed with autsim 9/22/05...My sister has a 14 month old son who is perfectly normal and it seems that every single chance she gets, she's calling me and telling me EVERY new word he is saying...my son Jacob is nonverbal. I'm having such a hard time with her bragging and I feel she does it on purpose...I am a stay at home mom and she works 9 hours a day with her kids in daycare that long...my mom says she feels guilty that she's not home with them so she feels the need to talk about them all the time. I just can't believe she's never thought how I would feel listening to her brag about him. I'm very hurt about and am afraid that if I talk with her about it, she would be very offended and it would blow out of control...everytime she calls me it's always something about her kids! It's not all about the talking thing but it's what he eats at meals, how much he eats, how he acts, how much fun he is...I honestly don't care what he does everyday! I don't tell her about our daily lives. I know what a 14 month old does and what they say because I also have a 5 year old dd and Jacob has twins sister who does it all also....I'm sorry to vent but this is making me SO upset...I get this pit in my stomach like I just want to blow up at her and she just does not understand...she always says to me "why don't you talk with me about things"...well if I do, she just blows it off...Jacob is into this screaming very loudly thing when he gets in trouble or can't communicate if she hears it she just is like "oh!" that's loud....she's a very selfish person and always has been. Now the more I talk about her I'm getting more mad!!!
Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!!!
Keri

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I am curious. You said your sister was your best friend. I am guessing that if things were different it is likely that you would have these same conversatons going both ways.
I am not trying to be unkind. I have been in your shoes however, what I have noticed is that sometimes I am really extra sensitive to things since the dreaded diagnosis. Your sister has not had a child with special needs. To her your relationship is the same as it was and likely doesn't see it from your perspective. Plus it is really really hard to watch typical children develop when we are struggling to help ours develop.
I think in a kind way you need to express your feelings noting that alot of it comes from your perspective and the fact that you are going through a grieving process now. It may not be that she has neccessarily done any thing wrong. I doubt she has willfully done anything wrong though maybe thoughtless. I have known lots of people like that but it hurts even more when it seems so personal as how kids are doing.
Renee
Renee, I appreciate your comments. My sister and I have always been best friends but too much of a good thing happens a lot with us. We get sick of each other easily. Our kids are close to the same age so they play a lot together. She has always been the same way with everyone. It's always about her, her, and her kids. A lot of our relatives feel the same way. She will call someone and just tell all about her and never ask about them. She is very critical of people who do things differently than her and she speaks her opinion very openly...I on the other hand, hold my opinion in so I do not hurt anyone...
She just won't understnad because she doesn't live my life so I am choosing to keep my distance until I learn how to live with it.
Thanks,
Keri
KLeri,
(weighing in late as usual -the travails of a working Mom).
I think it's OK to take some distnce from your sister and to take care of you. She sounds like she can be a little draining, and that was probably OK Before Diagnosis (BD), and how your relationship was defined. But now; AD, you have moved to a diferent place, and she has not. Nor apparently has she noticed that you HAVE moved. She expects things to be the same, but none of us are fully the same AD.
It's like LR says. Nobody. No. Bod. y. can understand what you are going through unless they have walked in those shoes. They might sympathise, they might imagine, but they don't know and they don't understamd. If it helps you to surround yourself with people who *do* understand during this adjustment period, and distance yourself from the masses -just for awhile, then take that time to facilitate your healing, and when healed and adjusted: face the world.
my 2¢...
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
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