We have our first team meeting tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure inviting the private school teacher and head of the school without notifying you is a violation of some sort.
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An IEP meeting is like a negotiation, IME. I always ask for more than I need, knowing that I will probably be negotiated down. SO I may ask for speech 3x a week, knowing that he only really needs it 2x a
My best advice is to be very direct in your language. Use phrases like "she NEEDS" rather than "she would benefit from", because they will shoot the latter down with "any child woudl benefit from that" and you will be left tongue-tied.