First time bad start to school year
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| Wed, 08-29-2007 - 10:11pm |
My kids have always been blessed to either have good teachers or else at least teachers who like them (9th school yr for 12yo AS dd, 7 school years for NT ds, 5th school year for 8yo AS ds -- that's a lot of years of teachers whom we got along with okay). As you know, my kids were redistricted, so we're at a new school. After meeting the teachers and touring the school last week, my kids were actually pretty excited about attending their new school and were begging me to drop the appeal to the redistricting. Honeymoon's over now.
On day 1, 8yo AS ds came home saying how in the 1st hour of the day, the teacher was already yelling at the class for being disrespectful, etc. He said she did quite a bit of yelling during the day. Day 2, she didn't yell as much. Day 3 (today), she yelled at ds to stop playing with his eraser (which he doesn't think he was doing, he says he'd been erasing a mistake).
My 8yo ds has almost NEVER been one to fidget. He is low energy and hard to get moving a lot of the time (my 10yo is a HUGE fidget-er, but 8yo ds, almost never). Teachers have ALWAYS liked him and provided us informal accommodations before our dx 'cus he is generally well-behaved in class (follows rules, doesn't get out of seat). I have NEVER received even one complaint about ds behavior at school. Ds has also never had a complaint about his teachers, even the yell-ers. At his last school, all the grade-level classes for each grade were in one open pod, with just cabinets dividing the classes (no walls between classrooms), so ds has had a lot of opportunity to hear various teachers in action. He has never been worried about a grumpy teacher before.
Last week at the meet-the-teacher night, his teacher did not yet have ds's 504. I called the school today to see whether the teacher had a copy of it and/or whether she was experienced in working with children like ds and explained my concerns. The guidance counselor talked to the teacher and called me back. The teacher did have a copy of the 504 but had not had a chance to read it except the dx. The teacher told the guidance counselor that ds was fidgeting, so she just calmly asked him to stop. The guidance counselor tried to explain to me how AS children sometime mis-interpret emotions, how ds is probably just nervous about starting school, etc. Argh! I'm SURE that's it. My AS child who hasn't mis-interpreted teachers' emotions before (at least not on a scale that mattered), who was super excited about school, is suddenly confused.
What *I* think is going on is the teacher got one whiff of the dx and has decided she needs to keep the screws turned on ds to make sure he doesn't act out.
I reiterated to the guidance counselor that ds was EXCITED about attending school before this, that he has NEVER been upset by a teacher who yelled before, and that he has NEVER had a teacher consider him a behavior problem before. AND, that I didn't think this teacher was very well equipped to deal with ds dx, especially since despite knowing that ds has AS, she chose to interact with him in a way that would make a normal person upset, let alone a special needs child. Even if ds WAS wiggling his eraser between his fingers, how does that necessitate being yelled at?! The guidance counselor tells me that this teacher is the one with the most experienced at the school in dealing with AS. Well ain't that just a kick in the pants?!
I've agreed to wait for a bit to see how the teacher and ds settle in together. I talked to ds and explained some possible scenarios how he might have mis-interpreted the teacher talking mean to him (maybe she was already frustrated with someone else, so her voice was a bit grumpy, etc), but I also told him to keep letting me know if she's yelling at other people or at him, so I have an idea of how the class is going, so I can tell the guidance counselor how things are going. I'm also setting up a meeting with the teacher. I'm soooo not looking forward to this year already!

All 3 of my children never handled well with a teacher that yelled. Period. It raises stress levels, gives negative feedback (even if your kid is the most laid back person in the class....).
Studies show that a child will not hear a person that yells. They will only hear the anger, not the words.
A good teacher is one that uses words and doesn't yell it out. Good parents too. I am not perfect... I do yell, but then try to realize it and say's sorry, I shouldn't of yelled and I'm stressed. I will try to do a better job next time.
But you have teachers that don't care about this thing about yelling. Their used to it KWIM?
Last year Chris begged me to change his class as his teacher yelled alot and said he was lazy and unmotivated...
I ignored it... dumb me. I thought if I got him a dx-s she would finally listen, but she never did.
I now have several dx-s with both my boys, and these teacher don't yell this year. They can control their class with the most (emotional) non violent ways.
Thank GOD as this will help them now.
But next yr might be a different story.
I rememeber once when my dd was in 7th grade she had a horrible history teacher. I wonder if she was bi-polar or something. She picked up a girls back pack and threw it at the wall because she was mad. She happened to throw my dd's friends backpack...
My dd said her Tommy Hill make up was in that back pack that she threw..... and it was ruined....
I said Marisa...If you had done that would I have expected you to replace the make-up? She said "YES". So then I explained that I expected her teacher to replace it..
So then I called the school, and then found out that the teacher was fired. I wanted her to replace the make-up, but I was only so glad to see her gone. She was a bad one.
Great teachers can encourage and make you child soar. The bad ones, well, lets just say they are bad.
Keep your eyes open and go with your gut. Thats the only thing that will tell you the truth.
Lainie
You're absolutely right! I decided to send a letter to ds teacher today before meeting with her. I'm hoping it makes her aware that we are concerned about her teaching "style" without putting her on the defensive. The hard part is keeping my emotions to myself, so I don't prejudice ds against his teacher until I know for sure how she's going to work out. I'd much rather he have an inexperienced teacher with great human relation skills than an "experienced" teacher with crappy human relation abilities.
Here's the letter I sent:
Dear Miss M,
After meeting you and seeing his new classroom at the meet-the-teacher night last week, my ds X was quite excited about starting school this year. X has always loved school, performed well academically, and been lauded by his teachers as a model student, which, as you probably know, is especially unusual for a child with special needs.
You will find that X enjoys routine and following rules. Although X has some motor skill difficulties and tends to be low energy, we have discovered that that works to his benefit in a school setting since it means he doesn’t generally get out of his seat or act out inappropriately during class.
I am sure the guidance counselor has let you know that I called her this afternoon wondering whether you’d received a copy of X’s 504 (you’d indicated at the meet-the-teacher night that you’d not yet received a copy of it) and to learn whether you were familiar with Asperger’s. Ms. A tells me that you are probably the teacher (fourth grade) with the most experience in teaching children with special needs such as Asperger’s Syndrome. She also tells me that you are allowing X extra processing time when speaking in class, which I appreciate.
For the first time in his schooling experience, X tells me he got in trouble in class today. He said it was for playing with his eraser. His perception is that he had just finished erasing a mistake on his classwork and didn’t think he was playing with the eraser. I talked to him about some possible scenarios for why his teacher might have perceived he was doing something else, or spoken in a tone he felt was harsh. He comprehends that there could have been a misunderstanding. My guess is that after a rough start to the first day of school (he said the class got in trouble within the first hour after some money for agendas was stolen and that you had to speak quite firmly to the class), and some subsequent classroom corrections where you spoke firmly to the children, that X was worried you thought he was misbehaving.
X is still eager to be in school, but because this is the first time he has ever expressed worry over his experiences with a teacher, I wanted to let you know of his perceptions of his classroom experience, so any misunderstandings could be addressed before his fourth grade year became any less than a positive one.
If you need to reach me, you can call me at xxxxx or e-mail me at xxxxxx.
I look forward to seeing you at Back to School Night next week!
Sincerely,
What an exceptionally well written letter! Bravo, mom! If his teacher does happen to go on the "defensive" it certainly won't be because you antagonized her. Which, in all honesty, is the hardest thing we ever have to do.
Of course, if she doesn't get her crap together soon, I'd antagonize the heck outta her! LOL
Amy