force son to attend social skills class?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
force son to attend social skills class?
6
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 7:38pm

Son started new school this fall. overall I am pleased with school. No IEP or 504 but teacher wrote a note for me to take to drs., and she hit on every concern that I had about son and how she responds to his problems. She constantly "redirects"him, when he doesn't show his math work she takes him to her desk and he can explain the work to her, she gives him warnings on time/transitions, he is respectful to her (that's a huge relief to me after last year) and has some difficulty with peers. He was doing the wrong homework then he just stopped doing homework. We think we solved this problem - I will download the week's homework assignments for him. The problem seemed to be he was copying the assignments wrong.

Anyway the problem I have is with a social skills group that I requested son be involved with. They meet once a week during lunch to learn social skills.( A MAJOR problem for son). Son "forgot"to attend last week. Actually he told me then told his therapist that the kids are "retarded" and he won't go anymore. Therapist thinks it may be counterproductive to force son to attend. Son sits there silently. Therapist thinks son doesn't want to get labelled with the rest of the kids. I spoke to the dr. running the program he said son is quiet during session and most kids love this class.
Dr said making friends and learning social skills is difficult for son that's why son doesn't want to attend. He will have his assistant personally invite son and try to make the session fun. I know son needs this exposure,I looked very hard for a social skills class in this area and am pleased with everything else the school does so do I force son to attend social skills class? Class runs for about 2 months, then another bunch of kids are chosen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 8:53pm

This is a tough one. I guess I wouldn't force him. Nathan goes to a social skills class with 2 other boys. It's one day a week, and HE actually loves it! Nathan doesn't really understand the whole labeling thing yet, he's still oblivious to some things. Although, he doesn't like standing out from the rest of his class. If his classmates are doing something, he wants to do it too. Unless....its dirty....LOL Then he does not.

I tried getting him to take breaks last year in 1st grade...but he wouldn't do it.

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 12:50am

You know your son better than anyone, but I can tell you one thing....for my son, forcing just causes hard feelings.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 2:33pm
Hi! I am new here. I have a DS 13(almost 14)with AS. DS has exactly the same problem with his social skills classes. He has a couple of kids that are his age but he feels are 'retarded'. What I did was to have him and his therapist have a chat about his concerns and decide if he should curtail, stay the same or perhaps have one on one sessions. This way I involved him in the decision. I hate forcing him to do anything. They have worked well enough that DS now has a 'girlfriend', who eats lunch with him and comes over occasionally. So far so good!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 4:12pm

Do you feel like this doctor running the group is good at his job, knows what he is doing? I might ask the doctor to meet one-on-one with ds to see if there would be a way to address his concerns and move this group in a direction that might interest him. Sometimes just getting more input from a kid is enough to help them feel more like participating.

Are the children in the group particularly challenged socially or with language? We always need to look into the level of the kids involved with our ds' groups, as because of high sensory issues, we have always had to have ds in special ed private schools instead of inclusion or maintream ... and the last thing he needs is to be practising more socialization with children who are behind him in social interactions. Thankfully, the group we have him in now is a great match, the kids all like each other alot and ds is enjoying himself. I think if the kids really are very behind your ds, I might ask to see if he can stop now and start again with a new group.

I wonder what he means by "retards", because that can just mean he doesn't particularly like these kids as well.

I guess I don't have any good specific advice. I don't force son to do something he doesn't want to, but I have been known to coerce ... OK, BRIBE... Give him something he really wants in exchange for trying something out a little longer so we can see if he might not learn to like the activity. This has often worked in my favor.

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 4:54pm

Hi,
When I picked son up from school today he told me the kids in the group were yelling, grabbing food and making comments to kids passing by. The assistant in the group called this afternoon. (I'm impressed, the dr called yesterday and the assistant called today after group). She said some kids are lower on the social skills level. She asked when son was dx'd, asked what therapies he has and what did I think would help son? She acknowledged his intelligence and suggested he may be embarressed(sp?) by the other kids. She will speak to the dr about a "peer" (one child) for social skills lunch. She did pick son up 5 minutes early fo the meeting to ask him about how he felt about group. So it looks like things will work out.

Everyone thanks for your thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 8:56pm

Sounds like they are really on top of things at this school!

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