Forever Lying
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Forever Lying
| Sat, 11-17-2007 - 10:31am |
I thought Aspies were supposed to always tell the truth, even to a fault. Not mine. He's always lying to get out of things, even simple things like teeth brushing. And when he's done something wrong, oh boy! He'll lie about it, insist he's telling the truth, and accuse us of never trusting him! Of course we don't trust him.
Anyone BTDT? Any advise?
Melissa

Dear Melissa,
As our kids develope, they are like any kids... Althogh Aspies who lie are pretty bad at it at first, and many never stop being bad at it. My son (age 10) is now improving in his ability to lie, but for the most part he doesn't need to lie much. He did when he was younger and under much stress, and yes, he would then hold to his lie -- or I'd say it was sometimes better to say that the lie wasn't EXACTLY a lie, but his brain's interpretation of the situation, which is sometimes different than what I was/am asking! My son's spirit is actually very honest, but he will try to get out of trouble, out of anxiety with a quick diversion.
We have found that it is best not to confront directly with anger or outrage, but calmly and rationally (ie, book "The Explosive Child") to acknowledge his point of view, present our opposing point of view in a completely non-emotional way and enter into discussions of solutions -- this approach has lessened the "lies" and allowed for communication that leads to solutions, clarifying rules and behavior expectations, etc.
By approaching ds as if he IS trustworthy, but that all sides need to work together to a solution, we are now on a much calmer and productive landscape.
yours,
Sara
My son fits the "honesty" thing, but it doesn't mean he won't lie to get out of an uncomfortable situation when he's pinned to the wall.
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Edited 2/19/2008 12:08 pm ET by littleroses
I am glad to see this, as Chloe seems to ALWAYS be lying.
- Christina mom to-
Chloe (10) Aiden(8)
Christina,
Last year I realized something was wrong as his 5th grade teacher also pulled him outside and questioned him about homework.
Josh tries to lie to. He will try to hide things on us. He will erase things in his agenda book to get out of homework that he doesn't want to do. It would be hysterical at how badly of a job he does to cover up cetain things.
I know Josh is a literal kid. The agenda book only has spots to write the core subjects in so why think about Health and Music homework. But the Heatlh teacher will or mail home a note when Josh misses assignements. But Most of Josh's teachers will now post the homework and what to study plus when Tests are popping up on the web. And so Josh know we will check everyweek or day if he has homework etc. I also told DH that i am not going to fight all of the homework. The core subjects yes. But Health And Music not so much. Gym Hell if the kid does not want to be completely prepared for Gym and not change his clothes for home I am not going to push it. I didn't like changing my clothes with other people around I am sure for a puny 7th grader not even close to puperty and has a foot with an obvious defect It is evemn harder.Plus gym is at the end of the day
When my son was younger he could lie for anything, not even a white lie to cover a surprise party.
Christine, Supermom to Nick, My Superkid, 5, Asperger's/ADHD, Loves all things Monster Trucks
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Christine