Forever Lying

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Forever Lying
9
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 10:31am

I thought Aspies were supposed to always tell the truth, even to a fault. Not mine. He's always lying to get out of things, even simple things like teeth brushing. And when he's done something wrong, oh boy! He'll lie about it, insist he's telling the truth, and accuse us of never trusting him! Of course we don't trust him.

Anyone BTDT? Any advise?

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: huhnpm
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 12:52pm

Dear Melissa,

As our kids develope, they are like any kids... Althogh Aspies who lie are pretty bad at it at first, and many never stop being bad at it. My son (age 10) is now improving in his ability to lie, but for the most part he doesn't need to lie much. He did when he was younger and under much stress, and yes, he would then hold to his lie -- or I'd say it was sometimes better to say that the lie wasn't EXACTLY a lie, but his brain's interpretation of the situation, which is sometimes different than what I was/am asking! My son's spirit is actually very honest, but he will try to get out of trouble, out of anxiety with a quick diversion.

We have found that it is best not to confront directly with anger or outrage, but calmly and rationally (ie, book "The Explosive Child") to acknowledge his point of view, present our opposing point of view in a completely non-emotional way and enter into discussions of solutions -- this approach has lessened the "lies" and allowed for communication that leads to solutions, clarifying rules and behavior expectations, etc.

By approaching ds as if he IS trustworthy, but that all sides need to work together to a solution, we are now on a much calmer and productive landscape.

yours,

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: huhnpm
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 1:25pm

My son fits the "honesty" thing, but it doesn't mean he won't lie to get out of an uncomfortable situation when he's pinned to the wall.

Avatar for littleroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: huhnpm
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 7:46pm

delete




Edited 2/19/2008 12:08 pm ET by littleroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: huhnpm
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 11:43pm

I am glad to see this, as Chloe seems to ALWAYS be lying.

- Christina mom to-

Chloe (10)    Aiden(8)   

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: huhnpm
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 12:59am

Christina,


Last year I realized something was wrong as his 5th grade teacher also pulled him outside and questioned him about homework.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: huhnpm
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 1:00am
Why was part of my post blue???? LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: huhnpm
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 6:14pm

Josh tries to lie to. He will try to hide things on us. He will erase things in his agenda book to get out of homework that he doesn't want to do. It would be hysterical at how badly of a job he does to cover up cetain things.


I know Josh is a literal kid. The agenda book only has spots to write the core subjects in so why think about Health and Music homework. But the Heatlh teacher will or mail home a note when Josh misses assignements. But Most of Josh's teachers will now post the homework and what to study plus when Tests are popping up on the web. And so Josh know we will check everyweek or day if he has homework etc. I also told DH that i am not going to fight all of the homework. The core subjects yes. But Health And Music not so much. Gym Hell if the kid does not want to be completely prepared for Gym and not change his clothes for home I am not going to push it. I didn't like changing my clothes with other people around I am sure for a puny 7th grader not even close to puperty and has a foot with an obvious defect It is evemn harder.Plus gym is at the end of the day


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
In reply to: huhnpm
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 12:43pm

When my son was younger he could lie for anything, not even a white lie to cover a surprise party.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
In reply to: huhnpm
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:02pm
Nick will fib as well except he isnt very good at it either. We have told him that we dont fib in our house as we can always tell when he is fibbing and we will call him on it but in a very gentle way as he can get very confrontational way. We have explained that he can tell us anything and we will never get mad and we hold true to that. If he had a bad day at school and gets his name on the board, which was a big thing for him, we dont get mad, he has already been punished by losing his priveledges for it. If he colors on the walls, I dont get upset, he has to help me clean it up. If he does something really rotten and tries to hide it and wont tell me, I will find it and then take away one of his priveledges. If he chooses not to tell me, I will take away computer for a day. If he continues to not tell me, I add time to it. He hates to lose computer/tv time. I know one day he will figure out how to lie better, but hopefully I will be one step ahead of him still!

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Christine, Supermom to Nick, My Superkid, 5, Asperger's/ADHD, Loves all things Monster Trucks

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Christine