Fourth of July??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Fourth of July??
7
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 9:44am
Well, another holiday is here. What do you all have planned? Anyone traveling for the holiday??

We are. We are supposed to go to Texas for the holiday weekend. Months and months ago we had gotten together with my dad's girlfriend and bought Dixie Chicks tickets, so we have a concert to go to on Sunday night. First concert my husband and i will have ever gone to together. Usually one of us takes a friend while the other stays home with the kiddo. Pretty sad, uh?? lol He went to Crosby Stills and Nash by himself, and i went to James Taylor by myself. Would have been better if we could go together. But trusting someone with Catie is just sooo hard.

We plan on flying out on thursday night, friday i think we will have with the inlaws, saturday with my mom, and then sunday with my dad and monday flying back.

Any ideas on how to keep a child trasitioning well?? At my moms things will be pretty low key. Just some swimming and a cook out. A few of my moms friends will be there.

But i have always had a rough time at the inlaws. They have a ton of kids, and a ton of adults. And so far Catie is the youngest, but like 6 years. She is going to want to follow the big kids around, and they havent really ever been around her much. (i dont really get along with my in laws, and i dont trust Catie with them alone. So Catie usually sees them in small groups and doses). With Catie being so easy to get away, and run out in streets, and so forth, how can i keep my sanity and keep her focused?? They usually set up the food and barbque and stuff in the drive way, so my MILs back yard isnt fenced off. So i am constantly chasing Catie around. (this is also most of the family who thinks i am just anal and nothing is wrong with Catie. My MIL finally heard about the pool incident, so maybe they will all back off).


Any ideas any one?

helen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 8:54pm
Radar collar? Just kidding. I really don't have a lot of advice for this one. I usually shadow my son when I am unsure of how he is going to behave. As for situations that are difficult for him, like large crowds, we just don't stay that long. Why torture him like that? Could you just show up to eat and be friendly and then leave or retreat to another part of the house? Go in and watch a show or something when it gets tough? Or go read a book quietly somewhere? I don't make my son stay too long in situations where his anxiety runs high. We have incentives to help him tolerate difficult situations but he will only take so much.

If none of those are possible, could you supervise a few games among the kids? Get them doing a few things and you stick around to referee? That way it won't look like your ignoring the family and you'll get to have some control of what is going on.

Well, I have no idea if I've helped any. I think these situations are particularly difficult when you have family who either doesn't understand your child or refuses to even try. Well, good luck with it all and hope it turns out better than expected.

bless

bugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 06-29-2003 - 10:41am
Thanks for the suggestions. I figured i would stop and buy her some bubbles on the way over there. She LOVES bubbles. So hopefully i can get one of the other kids to blow them with her. Up until this holiday, we have always avoided the big family get togethers at the inlaws. We arrive late when the other siblings are going home, or we arrive early and leave when the crowds get big. I have tried to explain to my MIL for 2 years now that Catie just does better in smaller settings. But Catie has melt downs, she doesnt listen, and i end up in a back bedroom with her screaming and i am miserable, etc. And all that does is make the WHOLE family think she is a brat, and we dont have control over her. Over the last year, my MIL has finally started to understand that she is just behind in so many things, and because she cant talk, she has melt downs, and the more laid back the setting it, the better.

But this year, i dont think we are going to be able to avoid it. Since we have moved out of state, we are limited on when we can see people. And since we will only be in town for three days, it is easier to just hit everyone at once, than to go from house to house. Catie wouldnt deal with that any better than a large crowd.

I know my husband isnt looking forward to going at all. So we probably wont be staying long. There is a sister he doesnt get along with right now, and some ultimatums have been given, and she hasnt lived up to them. So, i know he isnt looking forward to seeing her. She is going to want to act like nothing is wrong, and he is going to be forced to chew her out in front of everyone. So, neither of us REALLY want to go... lol. So maybe we wont be there long enough for Catie to get restless....

Thanks for the suggestions.

Helen

Avatar for maresgood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-29-2003 - 8:06pm
Hi, wish I was going to see the Dixie Chicks with you, can I come? We too are going to see the in-laws in Bakersfield Ca. where it will be 100deg. or so. We stay @ a hotel thank goodness because my FIL cannot tolerate having the grandkids around(there are only 3 granddaughters). I think my FIL has AS but has never been diagnosed. He is a bit odd in his behavior & has social difficulties also. We keep the kids @ the pool @ the hotel & just go to see my inlaws when we eat. We aren't there for long stretches. When my girls were younger, I would take them to the park where they could run around because all they did @ my inlaws was watch TV or run around their yard which also wasn't fenced off.They never had kid's toys or anything for them to play with. I would bring books & toys from home. They have a pool & I constantly had to watch them because it was an old pool which was 10 ft. deep & not very clean. I try to only get together with them 1 or 2 X a yr. My inlaws have a very dysfuntional marriage & they just celebrated their 50th anniv. We are all supposed to have a dinner @ a nice restaraunt. I can hardly wait! My SIL will be there too. All she & her dad do is argue so this should be fun! We should have a discussion just on the inlaws... Have a good 4th everyone-MaryAnn
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 06-29-2003 - 9:52pm
MaryAnn,

LOL, Yeah, i think my inlaws are quite dysfunctional. I think my husband is adopted. He has 4 sisters, 3 of them half, and i like one and she is only 14 so she hasnt had time to offend me yet. I get along with another, but she has a tendency to complain about us never calling or writing, but yet my emails are always unanswered. Another sister in law i have never spoken to. I think i have seen her twice in our 5 year marriage. And then there is the one that if i met in a dark alley....

My mother in law is quite the red neck... With all do respect for red necks. But she chain smokes, has a nasty cough, and has missing teeth. Her home is clean, but she doesnt hestitate to smoke around the grandchildren or us, even after we have requested her not to. Plus there was the time when i was pregnant, she BRAGGED about spanking another grandchild with a shoe! And then offered to babysit my baby whenever we needed a sitter! LOL, um, can we say HUGE anxiety attack on the way home. In the car, i had my head as far down in between my knees as my pregnant belly would allow me.

So we have limited our visits to "have tos" and out side activities. Plus, she is a bit pushy, ignorant, and bossy. And last but not least, her only son can just do NO wrong. He is perfect in every way. So, i go in knowing i am the outcast. Being the only daughter in law, and competing with FIVE other women, is very stressful. There are just too many hens in the hen house. So, less of them is more for me! lol

But, i will suck it up and deal with it. My MIL had NO clue about all the things i went through with Caitlin. 14 weeks of bedrest, and she never once offered to come over and make us dinner, sit with me so Mark could sleep, even do HIS laundry because he was working 60 hours a week. She never once offered to take me to the doctor so he wouldnt have to take off work. I was in labor with Catie, and it was preterm, and his mom wanted him to leave me and run a 2 hour errand for her. LOL, well, we are still married so needless to say he told his mom no.

Looking back, he now sees how manipulative his mother can be, and that when you have this many women in the family, and no dad in the picture, and he is the only brother, they can get a bit possessive.

All i know is i love my brother enough to leave him and his wife ALONE! If he wants to call, he will call! LOL, and my brothers wife loves me for it.

And as far as the chicks, i will try to take my moms digital camera with me. I hope to get some good shots, she has a zoom. So, i will let you know if they come out very good and i will post them on my site for you to see. I LOVE the chicks, and now Catie has REALLY started singing their songs too. And she dances to them in the living room. My husband (who is a james taylor and elton john fan) just shakes his head and keeps walking. Poor guy.

Helen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 9:51am
Well, good luck and I hope it goes better than expected.

Remember, breathe in, breathe out (works for me)

bless

bugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 10:19am
The fourth. It's always been insane in my family -- mom's birthday, my sister's birthday, and very often my insane brother shows up, takes offense at nothing, and disappears in the middle of the night... fortunately (or not!?) we're going to the in-laws... I can cope with them in small doses, and DH's sister and daughter are coming, which will be fun for all the kids. My frustration: sil's husband, the pill, is coming too-- and I need to keep my bloody mouth shut!

Interestingly, I'm pretty sure mil is aspergers -- has terrible trouble (tho undiscussed) with emotions, and is either in "everything's JUST FINE" mode or shriek mode. Shriek, of course, works incredibly badly with my PDD son, who runs away with his hands over his ears yelling "I'm gonna throw Grandma in the POND!"

Still, it IS the eastern shore of MD, which is lovely, and the house is air conditioned... so I think I'll suck it up and read a book while DH manages (at least for a FEW minutes a day!! LOL).

Avatar for maresgood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 11:51pm
Helen, I had a good laugh with the MIL description! I can't believe that she never helped you out when you were on bedrest pregnant. What a nice lady! Please run an errand for me??? I'm sure that I would have had a few choice words for her. I get along with my MIL but she is a martyr & has put up with my tyrant of a FIL for 50 yrs. He was mean & abusive to his family. I have had run ins with him needless to say. I think your inlaws take the trophy this time though! Thanks for thinking of me & taking pictures @ the concert. Have fun! MaryAnn