Gender discrimination?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Gender discrimination?
6
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 9:27pm
I have been noticing recently that my 3yo DD -who is acting out more and more these days, seems to be indulged much more by the general public than DS was at the same age.

Now, maybe I am imagining it, but her little outbursts are met more with smiles and shaking heads, whereas with DS, we got frowns and dirty looks. I am trying to figure this out:

Could it be:

A) The cuteness factor: Both children are very beautiful, but DD is extremely cute -Shirley Temple curls (but hers are natural!) and freckles. DS, with his serious little face and big brown eyes, is not 'cute'.

B) The disability vs. social acceptability factor: Both have disablities, but DD is more socially connected and therefore more vocal in her outbursts; -More the prococious child, whereas DS used to lay on the floor or hide under something (sometimes a table somebody may be eating at. -I can understand dirty looks in that situation!)

C) Just plain gender differences - females are perceived as more unstable and therefore one should just expect outbursts and tantrums from them.

Anyway, this has been niggling at me for weeks, so I wanted to see if any of you guys had experienced similar differences in acceptance levels with your children, or had any thought on the subject.

Thanks

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 2:22am

I think it's probably a mix between the cute factor and outright gender discrimination.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 11:53am

What kind of outbursts? I know I have typically gotten different reactions from the childrens outbursts because of their nature.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 1:23pm
Renee,

Backchatting mostly and some tantrums of the hysterical sobbing variety. The backtalk can be quite funny to an outsider, I guess. She has a bad case of the "I dont mont"s (i.e. want) and the "I do it MYSELF!"s combined with hands on hips and turned down mouth.

The hysterical sobbing is usually environmental. she just can't tolerate certain inputs and will melt down on the spot (often if a different song comes throught the PA in a store). I understand it's a sensory thing, but outsiders seem to think I'm abusing her!

I see your point though. and I was kind of leaning there myself, Soem methods of having an episode are definitely more socially acceptable than others!

That stinks.

Glad to hear your FIL is doing better, BTW. Hope MIL can hold it together,

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for suitemadameblue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 1:27pm
This is a toughie! lol

Tristan is my ASD child, the older of my two(7yo), and the boy. His fits and tantrums are normally met with the looks and responses from people like "Oh, he's all boy, isn't he?!" and stuff like that.

But the attitude I get from people when Hollyann (almost-6yo, NT) goes into a fit or tantrum is that of "look at the spoiled little brat" moreso than anything else.

I see both of their tantrums as outrageously annoying most of the time! lol But it just blows my mind how often people just seem to "ignore" or pass-off Tristan's outbursts - when he looks like he is around 10yo and is standing there screaming and crying and stomping his feet - yet when Hollyann is simply crying and pouting (and in my mind, being 5!!) I get all sorts of dirty looks.

Guess you could say it's all backwards for us! ;)


~Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 11:40pm
hmmm. I wonder if it's a geographic thing then? We are East Coast.

It doesn't matter in the end what the cause is. I just know that it irks me dreadfully that for whatever reason, my son appears less 'accepted' than my daughter.

I know I shouldn't care what other people think, and I don't really -it's the *prejudgement* that bothers me -if you KWIM.

OK. I'm done venting.

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for suitemadameblue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 9:56am
Pre-judgement......annoys me to no end, too.

Don't know about the location thing, tho....we're East Coast as well! lol

The thing that bothers me the most, tho, is that people get so fed up with kids - any kids - getting upset and venting. Ummmm, they're KIDS, they haven't yet learned that "coping" thing, yet! ugh!!

~Carrie