Girls with Asperger's

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Girls with Asperger's
7
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 10:00pm
Hi,

I am very new to this so please bear with me. I have a 5.5 yr old dd with AS and would like to talk to other parents of girls with AS. I always see lots of posts about ds but not dd. Anyone out there I can share experiences with?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Thu, 07-31-2003 - 4:38pm
Hi and welcome to the board! :)

I have 6 girls, 3 are on the Spectrum, Ayla 12(PDD-NOS), Jade 8(AS), and Eva 3(ASD-PFS). We have a few ASD girls here on the board. Some are on vaccation right now with summer break and all, but they'll be back soon.

What is your dd like? What traits dose she have? What are her interests? Ayla has a few obsessions but her heaviest traits are being withdrawn, zero conversational skills, has routines that drive people nuts, she fidgets with her hands (not a handflapping per say, she taps the heal of her hand on her forehead a lot), and she has a realy hard time understanding where other people are coming from or other peoples point of view(though she thinks she's empathic, lol). She only recently started to think that other people might be worth associating with. She normally hides in a secluded place with a book or her drawing pad. She's kinda aloof and and has no problems telling an adult how to be an adult. She's Mr Spock incarnate, everything must come down to logic. Well, at least it was that way until she started puberty, now she ralizes that boys exist and all logic has ben abandoned. (help)

Jade is my lowest functioning Aspie. She's kinda in between AS and HFA (long story). She is obsessesed with science, line art drawing, has okay conversational skills (after 3 years of intensive intervention) but I don't think she'll ever be a diplomat. She has zero Theory of Mind. We have to constantly remind her that other people do have their own thoughts and feelings and she is always surprised when they turn out not to be exactly the same as hers. She has sensory issues coming out the wazoo. She touches EVERYTHING around her so we have to keep an eye on her when she's watching Dh do something like work on his motorcycle or trim trees. No sharp objects for that one. LOL She does like people but she can't for the life of her figure out how to actually maintain a friendship. When she was 5 she would walk straight up to a strange kid and say "Do you want to be my friend?" the kid would either says yes or no and that was fine. But she still does that, and at almost 9yo it's not so cute anymore. Now the other kids just give her wary looks and slink away as fast as they can. She will be starting a social skills group in September at the local counciling center where my grandma vollunteers. In the mean time her Social Partner, Shortman, has stepped up their excercizes in communicating with new people.

Eva is obsessd with scedules and other peoples routines. She's the most organized 3yo I've ever seen. Not to say that she's a perfectionist, she will leave leave a mess of toys when we let her, and she loves mud. But she is the one that is constantly reminding everyone else of what they should be doing, when they should do it, and how it should be done. She's our Little Grandma b/c she constantly has an opinion on everything. She's withdrawn to a clinical degree but not as much as Ayla. Eva preffers the company of her Poe Doll over that of other children most of the time. She'll fuss about wanting to go to the park to play with other kids then when she gets there she gets mad right away b/c the other kids don't want to play her games and she refuses to play theirs, but the anger passes as quickly as it came. So she finds a corner with Poe and plays with it alone. She really doesn't care if the other kids come over later or not, she's content to just play alone. At home she always finds a place to play without her sisters, even when they are doing her favorite activities, like making a cake or playing dress-up. Eva thinks she's 3 going on 50 and that we should treat her with all the same respect and reverence her 51yo Nana gets........right. In other words, we should sit and listen when she's talking, never interupt(no matter what), and always do axactly as she says. She's not trying to be controlling, she just thinks she knows everything and assumes we know nothing. In her mind she has to take care of us or we'll kill ourselves. She gets that from her dad, who is also AS.

So, what is your dd like? I didn't really get into much with describing my girls (that would take forever) so there is a lot more to them. I'd love to hear if your dd has any similarities. Plus, it's really frustraiting being the mom of an Aspie sometimes. Feel free to vent here, share the joys that 'normal' people just don't get, or ask questions.

Looking forward to getting to know you better,

Peace,

Candes





iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 12:02pm
Hi..My DD is your DD age, actually she will be 6 on Monday, Aug 4th. We have been working with a loved Psych for about a month now. The initial diagnosis is Selective Mutism but also, the mention of AS has come up. My DD will be in 1st Grade this Fall and thou excited for her, I am a bit reluctant of the help out there for her needs. She doesn't talk and communication will be a #1 Concern next year because of the Reading and necessity with assessing that. I am a bit against labels in general. Thou Helpful for identity purposes for myself, I don't ever ever want to use it as a cruch around something. How does Special Ed handle these cases? So far, I am not too impressed. I think with Maturity, my child will learn to deal better with this behavior and that is about the only thing that separates her diagnosis from AS, I think...

A bit perplexed about this whole Avenue, but wanting to learn more!

Jeanne

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 9:42pm
Hi,

Thanks so much for responding, sounds like you really have your hands full!

We didn't get a AS dx on dd until she was 4. She is very high functioning which at times is very confusing to DH and I because we always have to sit back and say is this "normal" for her age or AS? From day 1 things didn't seem quite right with dd, she never slept unless she was physically on me until she was 6 mos. old and then I had to curl my body around hers. We could never take her anywhere, she screamed in the car, the store and heaven forbid we tried to put her in a stroller. I got more than my fair share of dirty looks in grocery stores before I gave up and left her home with DH. She didn't sit up until 9 mos. walked at 1 year and never crawled. We finally got a dx of hypotonia and started PT.

As she got older we noticed more, like she spoke in complete sentences at 1 year, every toy she owned had to be catagorized and in a line and look out if you dared to move anything! Nothing could touch her hands or mouth, we battled with seams on socks, tags in shirts and uncomfortable clothes, or course then we got dx of SI. When she was 2 we moved from Seattle,Wa to NY to be closer to my parents, I needed a babysitter and a break. I never dared to leave her with anyone other than DH because I figured if I was ready to pull my hair out a sitter wouldn't be safe to leave with her.

In NY we got dx of AS. She has never wanted to be with other kids, preferring adult conversation. Transitions have always been hard and temper tantrums many. I tried to organize a play group when she was 4 and I thought the first time went well until the kids left our house and she started kicking and screaming at me. After calming her down enough to get to the bottom of things I discovered that with all the careful preperations I had done with her I had made a fatal error, I referred to it as a play day and when they left she was furious because the day was not over yet! That was the first time I realized how literal she took things!

Kindergarten was a trip, her handwriting is slow due to low tone in her hands. We are hoping 1st grade goes smoothly. We have discovered she is a wiz on the computer. She loves music and is taking ballet and piano lessons right now. Ballet is really hard for her but she has a wonderful teacher who understands and that makes it much better. We don't ever want to discourage her from doing something she wants to do.

Thanks for listening and telling me about your family.

Cathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 9:53pm
Hi,

My DD will turn 6 in Sept. She will be in first grade also. I am still in the learning stages with the education system. We live in a small town so it is helpful that I know a lot of the staff at the school. When DD entered kindergarten I took tons of photocopies of information on Aspergers and gave it to anyone that would take it! I was able to establish a good repoire with her teacher, I took her to school and picked her up each day and would check in to see how things were going. I couldn't send her on the bus, that many kids and that much noise would have sent her over the edge before she ever got to school!

We had a small problem with reading, the teacher said she was very good when she worked one on one with her but when it came time for testing she didn't seem to reach the same level. This came as no surprise to me, I think we will be fighting this battle for all her school years.

I would like to hear more about your DD's interests.

Cathy

Avatar for maresgood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 11:38pm
Hi, my 10 yr. old dd has AS & ADD. She had trouble since pre school but wasn't diagnosed till 4th. gr. I am an R.N. & was unfamiliar with AS since I haven't worked Peds.for many yrs. Her problems are social primarily. She has 1 or 2 friends but will never call or invite them over. She likes to be alone most of the time. She also has sensory problems & fine motor problems but this has improved over the yrs. She still can't dance or run well. She has her obsessions which change from time to time. We are starting a social group with a psychol. in the Fall. I hope this will help her. She is a strong reader & speller. She has an excellent memory. She doesn't have the meltdowns as bad as when she was younger either. I am so glad we now know what is going on with her. She is in Special Ed @ school but it took us 2 yrs. to get her in! Good Luck with your dd. Keep on posting~ MaryAnn
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 5:03pm
Yup, your DD sounds like she's an Aspie, LOL, :), which around here is a good thing. I saw so much of my girls in your discription of her. Jade is very litteral about things like 'play day' vs 'play time'. If we are going to be going someplace and she askes how much longer it will before we leave we need to give an accurate timeframe. Saying "in a few minutes" if it will be closer to half and hour only causes problems. She'll wait for MAYBE 5 minutes (if we're lucky) then start getting into the car. And DH, who is also an Aspie, usually says something like "Mom did it again didn't she? Do you think we need to buy Mom a watch and teach her to tell time?" LOL.

Eva was talking in simple, yet complete sentances at 13 mo. It was realy weird. It would shock the heck out of people when 'the baby' suddenly said something like "Eva's turn?" or "Eva no like it" She never used first person pronouns until she was 2.5. Now she sounds like Hans Asperger's exapmle of the boy with colorfully descriptive language. Now people are suprised when the preschooler says "A chocolate cake is sweet, like life, but a white cake is dry, like death. Death for my tongue, for it will never work again." LOL, she actually said that when we were at my mom's ranch preparing for her wedding last weekend. I was in charge of making the wedding cake and Eva decided to add her two cents. The photographer was in taking pictures of us work and after hearin that she decided she should video tape it instead of taking still pictures. LOL Given that there were several adult Aspies on the kitchen crew she turned out to get lots of funny footage.

Jade and Ayla still have terrible penmenship, but oddly enough they are great artists. Jade can copy any drawing she sees down to exact detail and Ayla can put the picture she sees in her mind on paper without frustration. I get totally jealous over that. My mom is a master fine artist and I always wanted to be just like her, but I can't draw a good picture to save my life. Eva, on the other hand, so far is more lie me. She can write the rntire alphabet at 3 and it looks relatively good, but drawing, coloring, painting, etc is way beyond her. her dr remarks that its atrange that she can write the word 'Delphi' in the Delphi script but her basic happy face looks like a rock with a bullet hole in it.

I know exactly what you mean about wondering if behaviors are normal or AS related. And to make things more confusing DH and I disagree all the time. To him the AS stuff IS normal and to me the non-AS stuff is. So we go round-nround about it. Eventually we let her dev ped decide though, lol.

Peace,

Candes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 8:04pm
hello,

I have a 9 y.o. dd with AS/PDD and a 7 y.o. ds with AS. My dd was different than yours, but their are similarities too. I like my dh's quote "If you have seen one child with autism, you've seen one child with autism'. He actally got that from someone else. but I don't remember who.

Any way, my dd also was dx'ed with hypotonia at a young age. She sat up on time, but didn't roll over until 7 months or walk until 16 months. She was also language delayed. Only had 1 or 2 words at 18 months, but knew most colors and letters. She used a really funny language up until almost kindergarten and had a hard time understanding. She was diagnosed pdd-nos at age 4.

She is doing well now. She is not the most coordinated kiddo, but is within normal limits on motor skills. Best thing we did for that was tae kwon do and theraputic horsebackriding. She will talk your ear off about her areas of interest. We are now working on making sure she looks at you. She is still on an IEP, but is in a regular class mainstreamed with pullouts for social skills and language. Over all she is doing quite well.

Computer skills are great. Teach her to start typing now and as she gets older most of her work can be done on the computer and help those darn writing skills. There are some great programs out there to help kids with needs get work done on the computer. We have been using a couple for the last half of this past year.

Welcome to our board.

Renee

Photobucket