Had it out with the teacher finally

Avatar for toryanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Had it out with the teacher finally
3
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:00pm

Well Victor's teacher and I had it out yesterday finally. Victor came home upset Friday because the teacher had kept his ruler when he wouldn't do an assignment she had asked him to do. Well, of course for something like this, the ruler needed to be out of sight so that he could concentrate and I supported the teacher on this. I told Victor that if he had done the assignment when she asked him to then he wouldn't have gotten his ruler taken away, and wouldn't have had to stay in for lunch detention ( recess time) to get it done. However, he also told me that he received a week's worth of detention for saying "Sometimes I try on my mom's bras." I felt that while this was an inappropriate comment and did deserve some detention time, a week was harsh but I didn't get her side of the story. Since the school has told me that I meddle in my son's life too much and I need to butt out, I sent him to the guidance couselor to talk it out. I figured that if I need someone to mediate for me with the teacher than he does as well. Turns out that he had talked all day long with several warnings and had been told several days before that he would get a week's detention if he did it the next time there was a sub. This I can accept and make him do the detention even tho he should have gotten more warnings on it, but we all make mistakes. Well, I had to go to the classroom and talk to Victor to make certain he didn't stay for his after school club yesterday because I was taking his sister to the dentist and I didn't know if I'd be done in time to get him. The teacher cornered me and said "I HAVE to talk to you." She then proceeded to tell me how he made up an excuse by telling her "Please don't ask me any questions today, I didn't sleep well because Bryanna (his sister) cried half the night." Well, that's not an excuse. None of us slept well because Bryanna has a permenant tooth coming in and there isn't any room in her mouth for it. Bless her heart, the dentist had to give us numbing solution just so she could eat. Anyway, Victor told me that a while ago, she grabbed his arms and forced him to sway to the music when he didn't want to. I found that completely unacceptable. If she'd given him a zero for not doing the assignment, I could understand it and we could talk about it but to force him to do it just makes him embarrassed and resentful toward her. Well, she took 3 days to call me back after Victor informed me of this situation and by that time I was furious. I informed her that if she EVER puts hands on him again that I would not only file a complaint with the school, but I would file a complaint with the police. We've discussed his disease at length and while she hasn't out and out said it, she's come across like she doesn't think there is anything wrong with him and that he's just lazy and I told her as much yesterday. What I got to this was "Well, everything I do makes him embarrassed. Anytime he doesn't want to do anything it embarrasses him." I seriously doubt this and I'm all for tough love so if he's not working in a mainstream class, then by all means grade the assignment accordingly. Yes, he gets upset over low grades, but he does the work next time it's assigned also. This is what we KNOW works for him. I flat out told her that she's made it impossible for me to approach her by calling me a liar, by treating Victor as if there is nothing wrong with him, and worrying more about how to keep herself out of trouble than how to help Victor. When we left, she actually asked me what she could do to earn back my trust and I told her that I didn't know, we'd have to take it one day at a time. I hope that this will work finally but I'm not holding my breath and I hope that Victor passes his GT testing and can get out of this school.

Alexis

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:13pm

Every parent is so different. I would be outraged if my son had been disciplined for saying, "Sometimes I try on my mom's bras." To me, that's just one of those bizarre statements that my son might make.

I'm actually impressed that your son asked his teacher to please not ask him questions and provided a reason. My DS has a very difficult time with questions and small talk. If he would ask people to not talk to him when he's not up for it, I would be delighted. Instead, he growls or shakes a fist at people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:22pm

I hope your talk with her helped. Does Victor have an IEP? It sounds like they aren't handling him well at all. Good luck to him with the GT testing.

Samantha

Samantha
Avatar for toryanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:13pm

Victor does have an IEP. It requires that she allow him more time to do assignments, give him access to the computer for writing assignments, and frequent reminders of the rules and consequences that will happen if he does not follow the rules. I hope that with this final out, which I had planned to have Wednesday during parent teacher conferences, but had it on Monday, that she has learned that I will support her decisions that are in the best interest of my child, however I will fight to get him the support he needs if she cannot.

Alexis