Had a very hard time with my kids......
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| Tue, 08-14-2007 - 1:08am |
Just gotta vent here. BIG TIME. Very long....
Sat morning I loaded up the boys to take a trip to Hollister (2 1/2 hours away). I had the game boys loaded and Chris had his MP3 player loaded up thanks to Tony. Tony stayed home. We went because Chris and Kaleb are 1 yr apart (known each other since the age of 2 and 3) and Kaleb was having a party
The first 2 and a 1/4 min were WONDERFUL. Nic played with his GB and Chris just listened to his MP3 player. Okay the last 15 were bad, but you know I can handle that...
We went because we haven't seen them in awhile and Kaleb was having a summer party...
We get there, the kids change into swimming suits and swim but it's only 78 there and not hot like it is here. It's normally 100 plus during the summer and the water's naturally warm (at our house). Both boys bolted out and got dressed. No biggie. But they separated from the group. My boys like heat.
Anyway...
So alot of the boys ventured into the house to play Guitar Hero... Chris separated himself. He wouldn't engage, he wouldn't talk, he wouldn't join himself into the group (even though he has a guitar hero of his own). He sat in a corner in a room that had no one in there to just sit and listen to his music. I tried to encourage him to join in with the other kids but he just wouldn't. Nic seemed to do okay, but it was obvious that the sensory issue's bothered my kids.
Then the hip hop dancing started with the loud music and both my boys shied away from it.... Went into the other room. Other sensory issue's I think. The music was very loud.
Okay then the party started breaking up and my kids were fine with just Kaleb and his little sister and no loud music. They did great one on one with them.
Okay so Yesterday (still at my friends house) Nic (my youngest starts ticcing really bad... He has severe Tourettes... Swearing tic's and all) so I get nervous.
I get nervous because the hardest tics for me to deal with are the belching ones and the Swearing ones (not just swearing but yelling out body parts ect) and these are the things that make me get mixed up between "Is it a tic, or is my kid being bad and being 7?" But then I feel bad cuz he's not bad, he's a good kid, but in public I get anxious and I have a problem dealing.
My friends are wonderful tho and are totally fine (except her husband does the devil's advocate and started asking me about changing Chris's diet and I tried to explain "I just can't do it, cuz he would starve doing that"
Whew anyway, not over yet here.... long story short Chris perservered on going to a certain restaurant that he's used to going to everytime we go to this town. So we go, even though I know Nic is Ticcing and he will tic in more sensory area's like a restaurant with big crowd's and when he's more stressed or anxious. But I had to take Chris because he talked about it all weekend and obsessed over it (he obsesses over food) So we went thinking I could get Nic under control.
NO WAY IN HELL.
Anyway Chris was fine but Nic, did all of his tics. I can take tics like his fred fred burger in a marv albert kind of sound, his face stuff, most of his vocals, or his finger sucking.... his lip licking, but I have such a problem with the swearing tics, the drawing bad words or picture tics with crayons, his laughing and showing other kids his pictures and of course they would laugh... I was a nervous wreck. My friends who are adults didn't care, they love me and were very supportive of me because they understood, but I was still a nervous wreck. I felt bad, because I was getting mad at my son, but being on a Tourette's board the best thing is to ignore this. But how can you separate yourself from being a mother and ignoring this?
I think I need to work on this more, because at the same time I was mad at him, I felt bad at myself because I knew he really couldn't control himself. I kept on asking him if he could replace the tic by doing this, that or whatever with the tic. But he couldn't.
One nice thing is when he was doing the belching tic over and over again the man behind us smiled real big and laughed and said I'm about to ask him to do a contest lol. I went outside for a ciggy later and he was out there and he was really nice. Found out he was a drug and alcohol abuse counselor and was very accepting to things that are different. Really nice guy.
The people sitting behind use were cops and started laughing. I was so nervous I told them he had tourettes and just couldn't help himself and I have to ignore it, but my god it was so hard to do. They gave me a weird look but even though your a cop you might not understand Tourettes....
Okay so we finally finished eating late and drove home. We all went to bed.
The next day (this morning) we had to leave. All of a sudden chris freaked out and woulnd't move. Do you know how hard it is to move a 110 child to get in the car to leave when he won't do it? He is doing weird things with his eyes, crawling into the back into the car and claiming he isn't leaving to go home because he's not ready to say goodbye to his friend Kaleb.
THANK GOD my Friend Susan decided to keep Chris and bring him home later tonite. I just don't know what I would of done. He is on Risperadal, but he was getting stuck, and I knew there was nothing I could do at this point. I felt he was about to blow.
There both coming here tonite to spend a few more days with us.
You see I think I changed things on him. The whole summer I have had trouble sleeping so I can't fall asleep until about 2 or 3 and end up sleeping late. He knows that. SO I kept on saying "Chris I'm getting up early today to go home."
He kept on expecting me to get up later (like I usually do) and this morning I got up at 8.... Then he got upset because I got up earlier. If I had only got up between 10-12 he would be happy, knowing he could spend more time with his friend. Even thou I got up at 8 and didn't leave until 1 lol.... I changed the time on him. He has a thing about time. I should of known, but I didnt' get it. Heck he has a problem understand why the car clock says a different min on the house time, or the computer time.
He probably thinks he lost time, and I just didn't get it earlier.
Hard weekend, hard hard weekend....
I just had to release this...
Lainie

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wow! sounds like a rough weekend for you. I'm so glad your friends were very understanding but it's so hard in public places sometimes. I can't even imagine having to deal w/ the swearing stuff, I hate that, so it would be very difficult for me to deal with (God was so very good to give me a child that's quiet as a mouse!)
I'm glad you figured out why he got stuck, it's always a help to know why then you can prepare yourself for it at least.
(((HUGS))) there are many days I'm mad at me for being mad at my child for just needing so much guidance and reassurance when we're out in public-- I just want him to hold it together for me sometimes.
Betsy
Lainie,
OMG! I totally forgot to respond to your first post about all of your difficulties with dealing with the kids (((Lainie))). I feel for you with the party scene & the meltdown when you were leaving. I don't know how it feels to deal w/ the Tourette's, especially the verbal / swearing. I have had a couple of students w/ Tourette's but one only had tics w/ his neck & stuttering (he also had AS), the other had OCD & Tourette's, but you wouldn't know it. He kept in control at school & seemed like a "normal" kid, but let loose at home. His poor mom!
I know we have a tendency to want to explain their behavior & sometimes it may be necessary (ie. teachers or parents/kids in sporting classes that you will see again). Last year when Jeremiah was coming off the Zoloft that made him so aggressive we had a call from the director of sporting programs in the city because they had calls from other parents & coaches complaining about his behavior (I do understand why). But we really don't need to defend ourselves or our kids to the average Joe that we will never see again. Thanks for reminding us of that. I think you handled it all great & although you may not always feel strong inside you are a very strong woman.
Janet
Wow Lainie, you're such a strong mom to be able to deal with all that!
Mich
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