Had words with MIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Had words with MIL
11
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 1:24pm

My MIL had offered to keep all three of my children last Friday night. Naturally I was like yeah, sure that would be great. She is a very regimented person, wakes at 6am to bed by 8:30pm. When it comes to Chase's AS she is very rigid(ironic) in her approach to how to treat him. She told me that he needs to go to church more so he can learn how to behave in church. We disagree completely on how to handle the whole thing.

Anyways, my kids stay up late during summer...I don't work outside the home so schedules are not a big deal during the summer. Well she calls me at 1am to come get my 3yo because he missed me. I'm thinking, can't ya just rock him or be a little creative, you're his gma for pete's sake. But I go and pick him up and they all three want to come home so I happily say okay and will get their things in the morning. We get to the car and have forgotten all of their "blankies" so back to the house I go and while I'm retrieving the blankets she tells me I need to get them on a schedule and that I'm being selfish. I kept my calm and told her they're schedule was fine and would stay that way and she said she wouldn't keep them then to which I responded "fine." There goes that one night a year of babysitting services, THANKS!

Just needed to vent. I know everyone has these types of difficulties. I'm just praying that I don't become spiteful(I have that tendency). My husband was very supportive of me and said that if she pushes this thing he will have to tell her flat out how he feels and where she ranks in regards to me on being a mom. Thanks for listening I am going to go take some deep breaths now. Vicky

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 1:34pm
I can relate.

Pat

Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. --

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2004
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 2:18pm

Hugs to you Vicky. I have different kinds of probs w/ my MIL, but it's still a pain. I wouldn't let her babysit for Cassian ever, and DH agrees 100%. She "lost" him once when he was about 2.5 yrs old, and left her to watch him in her living room while we visited neighbors next door! I often wonder how DH survived. I think he was a ferril child. LOL!

Suzi

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 4:21pm
Wow. I can so understand. My mother doesn't believe Megan is possibly autistic. To her it's all my fault because I don't keep them on a rigid schedule and because they aren't in school. There's no talking to her about it, so we talk about the weather. It's about the only thing we can agree on...and only barely because if I say I'm hot she'll say she's cold!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 4:49pm

My mother doesn't believe Megan is possibly autistic.


Been there, done that.


My Mom used to say things like:


"He doesn't talk because you don't talk to him.

Pat

Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. --

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 6:11pm

First I have to respond Pat. Sheltered Workshop!!!!! Oh dear lord are we still living in the 60's or 70's? Well, now that is a fun one. That is one of those things to which I wouldn't even know how to respond. I'd probably just stare dumbfounded. Have her watch "I am Sam". One of my favorite stories ever of inclusion and life in the disability community. Those friends of Sam's I just love. ANd I love how they all pulled together to help raise the little girl. I think of this one because those are typically the type of folks people think of sheltered workshop for. Only now they are included in society as they should be holding down jobs, having friends, going out to dinner, etc.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 6:15pm

OK, I gotta ask because I am curious on this.

Did your 3yo wake up at 1am or is this a normal time for them to stay up on a regular basis?

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 6:44pm

Renee,

They usually go to bed at 11pm during the summer. My kids don't do sleepovers well and get frighetened when they are away from home so they don't fall asleep as readily. She knew that going in. I know it's unorthadox for kids to stay up late but I was raised the same way. The thing that bothered me most was the selfish comment. When it comes to my kids I am selfless almost to a fault. I don't let my kids walk all over me however and they rarely talk back or argue with me. Most people that meet them comment on how well behaved they are. We haven't spoken since it happened so can't way to see how this unfolds.
Thanks for listening guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 1:43am

Ok, that makes more sense. I can't talk. My kids went to bed at 10 tonight. We have been letting them stay up later for summer until 9:30 or so too.

I can understand them having a hard time sleeping on a sleep over. Some kids do and she knew that. now I understand better. Just needed to be clear because the way i read it the first time it sounded like 1am was a regular bedtime for a 3yo. It makes more sense now.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 10:24pm

(((Vicky)))

~ Chelsea
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 7:51am

(hugs) Vicky some people just refuse to get it and some are just so stuck in their own world that they'll never even try.

My MIL is like this too. Luckily we've never lived closer than an hour away (and now we're 14hrs). When we went to visit on our vacation she kept saying "oh, there is nothing wrong w/ him, he'll outgrown it, ..." but then she'd turn around and make fun of Weston for various stimming or tell him to be a big boy and stop fussing or make fun of him for needing his special teddy bear or whatever.... I'm glad we only have to go there once a year and next year it will not be for 6 days of my vacation!

Betsy

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