Haircut time
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| Wed, 03-08-2006 - 8:22pm |
I took David (8, AS) to get his semi-annual haircut, and something happened that made me think, "What a great thing to write about on the message board! They'll relate to this."
I could tell we might have some problems, because David was acting a bit stressed, and I even told him we could put it off if he wasn't feeling up to it, but he said he'd be fine. Okay. So, we went into the place, and there were no customers, so the lady got started right away. She said something to him that he couldn't understand, because her English wasn't all that great. I should have remembered from last time, and gave him a heads up. So, she kept talking to him, and he started getting his annoyed look. And then, she began talking to the other hair dresser in Tagalog. The two of them were talking and laughing, while she cut David's hair. I watched in the mirror as David's facial expression went from annoyed to REALLY P.O.ed. Finally, he shouted, "WHAT'S SO FUNNY!?" The lady apologized to him, and said she wasn't talking about him. I think he didn't realize that she was talking to someone else, because last time we were there, he complained that he couldn't understand what she was saying to him (she was talking to her co-worker in Tagalog then, too.) BTW, I don't want to sound like I think she was doing anything wrong, because I don't. David just had trouble understanding what was going on and what was expected of him, I think.
Anyway, he got through it. A few years ago he ended up with a mullet, because we had to leave half way into a haircut.
Evelyn

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I can relate to the dreaded haircut. I have always done my sons hair myself because I was afraid of how he would act. When he was younger, I used to cut his hair while he was asleep. That was the only way to do it because otherwise, it was extremely stressful. I never even knew about aspergers then--just thought he was "high needs." Now he's five and I still cut it but he does do a lot better than he used to. Still not great but not as bad as it used to be. In fact, he's due for a haircut now.
Yes, I can relate!
Shelly
I have always cut the kids hair because I know they would never let anyone else do it.Everytime I cut it I say it will be the last time I do it but I just can't see me taking them to a hairstylist anytime soon.
Teresa
I wanted to add that one time my son tried to kick the hairdresser that I took him to for one of the few haircuts he's had that I've taken him to someone.
Shelly
Ian, 8, loves to get his hair cut. He loves the attention, the pretty girl cutting his hair and he practically preens in the mirror. Duncan, on the other hand, just hates it. I have to have their haircuts done at the same time so Duncan can watch his brother model the appropriate behavior. If I try to take him alone, forget it! It's an absolute nightmare!
Actually, I would also be annoyed if I were getting my hair cut or nails done and the person doing my service was speaking to a coworker in a foreign language. It's a service industry (I also work in a service industry, so I'm not being elitist), emphasis on service! How can she do a proper haircut if she's having social hour??? Oh, well, that's just my opinion.
Kelly
Lets just say that I am glad the style for boys hair is long again, lol. And the more out of shape and bad looking the better. We are VERY in style here!
I always cut Mikes hair because there weren't other options. For me he would wake if I did it sleeping. Up to about 3.5 haircuts basically were me holding on to him with my legs, consoling him while going at him quickly with clippers and giving him a buzz cut. Then it was DH holding him, both consoling and the buzz. Finally at 3 he let me cut some with lots of intervention. If we let him chew on frozen twizzlers the whole time we could get a couple minutes. I would give him one of those mushroom things so I only had to cut the bottom alternating with the quick buzz cut when out of control.
When he was about 5 we tried to take him to a hairdresser again. 3 days in a row. Finally on the 3rd day he made it into the building, then promptly laid on the floor and proceeded to have a fit. She offered him a balloon but he wouldn't go. We left and then he had a tantrum about not getting a balloon. So I kept being the one to cut his hair complete with lots of preparation and twizzlers.
At nearly 9 he FINALLY went with his dad to a hairdresser and did well after watching his brother go. It became a dad and son thing which lasted about 3 trips to the shop. Then something happened there about 6 months ago which also coincided with Harry Potter became the obsession of choice. He hasn't let me or a hair dresser near him since. I did once and it was a disaster. So what I have is a bad combination between the beetles and Harry Potter living in my house.
Renee
Oh, gosh! Isn't it incredible how the simplist things (haircut, bathing, dressing...) become so complicated. And haircuts can be especially difficult because salons change staff, or close, and then when they come back things aren't the way they were last time.
A few years ago I took Ian to get his haircut and the hairdresser we usually had went on to another salon. We got this other woman who did not like kids at all. I knew Ian would do okay because he loves to get his haircut. I told her she would not have any trouble with him because he really enjoys the salon. She spent the entire 20 minutes being rough with him and trying to prove how awful all kids are at the salon. He didn't have any problem at all and it PO'd her. I didn't tip her, and Ian got two treats for being so good. We never went back to that salon again, but we sure missed it. The lady we used to go to was wonderful, gave him the best haircuts, and we would also go to the donut shop next door before the haircut. He just loved it. Now it's all different -- it isn't even owned by the same chain. When we drive by there, sometimes he says, "I really miss Sally and going to Mr. D's. Can we go have a donut there sometime even if I don't get my haircut?"
Kelly
Malcolm has ringlets, beautiful curls all over his head. I have always cut it, cheaper and very hard to mess his hair up 'cuz it curls right up no matter what. I mostly just cut out the little snarls, rattails, etc. and he has an adorable short curly cup which is his signature. He does NOT want another style haircut, or dreadlocks like his dad or even curls on top and the sides buzzed like one of his buddies has. He identifies himself with the short mop of curls...
BUT man oh man did I have the obvious experience of any haircut trouble being sensory related and therefore about levels of anxiety. We've ALWAYS done haircuts the same way, no problem, the only thing that changed here was Malcolm's state of anxiety...
From ages 3 - 5 Malcolm had LOTS of hours of OT per week, extra through therapeutic preschool plus outside we paid for. His body blossomed, his anxiety seriously decreased and bathing, shampooing and haircuts --- a total nightmare starting at about 2 and a half --- slowly became tolerable, then easy. Ages 5 - 7 he had less hours of OT per week, but tons of other activities such as swimming lessons, Tae Kwondo, bike riding, etc. Bathing, washing and haircuts still OK.
Then last summer we tried NT summer day camp. He made it 5 and a half weeks, anxiety mounting but tolerable and really enjoying camp and some more independence. Last week of camp, head counselor out sick 4 days, kids started bullying him, best friend turned on him, my child went ballistic, totally fell apart, had to pull him from camp, tried to distract him with pleasure trips, etc.
Malcolm was so freaked out and miserable, everything went to hell in a handbasket. And overnight haircuts and shampoos turned into screaming matches. Almost a month we COULDN'T do it AT ALL... I lost it, too, because it had been SO LONG since he screamed and ran and tantrumed, it felt like such lost ground. I plummeted into deep depression.
Took about 2 months, back to familiar ASD school, lots of playdates with his friends, lots of cuddling and reassuring, Malcolm came back to fine with haircuts and everything else. So WHEW! it wasn't really a regression, but that sure told me how bad things can be if we aren't really careful with his understanding what is going on around him and keeping his challenges within his reach with very gradual increases so his anxiety remains under control. That is, if possible.
Sara
ilovemalcolm