Hard, low place
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| Tue, 10-23-2007 - 10:55am |
Some of you may know (and I'm not afraid to admit it) I am dx with a mood disorder . Some pdocs say depression, others cyclothymia, (mild bp). I tend to cycle rapidly with mini cycles within, if that makes sense. I crashed last night big time. Liam had a horriic day at school, arrived home in a foul foul mood, threw a mini table and chairs etc etc. He eventually calmed down, but I fell apart pretty rapidly. I got the kids fed, jammied and bedded, and then I proceded to rock in the corner of the kitchen floor for ages. Dh was working late and had a swim practice. I ended up calling my counsellor (still hasn't called back) and before I knew it I was talking to an emotional distress hotline. I pulled myself back from that dark dark place. Dh got home to me rocking in the corner and I told him everything.
This morning I could barely drag myself out of bed, I literally felt like I was being held down on the mattress, like I was sedated, although I wasn't. I finally got the energy to get kids ready for school, and after I ate something I felt better, but I'm scared I am going down again. I know some of you know that place I speak of. I am waiting for my counsellor to call back. I think I need a new med, lexapro ain't doing a whole lot right now.I don't mean to dump on you, I just need this outlet right now; noone around me gets it; oh they act like they do, but unless you are here in this hole, no one gets it, kwim?
Dee
Edited 10/23/2007 10:58 am ET by roanmom

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((((DEE)))) I know that hugs don't do a whole lot when you're in that awful place but it's all I can give right now (and prayers). I pray that it makes a turn upward soon. Hopefully a new med will help turn it around!
{{{Dee My Dear}}} I know that awful place and my gosh yes I would switch meds if they arn't working.
Dearest Dee-
I know all too well that deep, dark place you're in and have to tell you how proud I am of you for getting help.
Hugs Dee, I am so sorry you had to get down that low.
I wish i knew how to help you feel better. Hopefully your Doctor can help. Don;t forget you have had so much going on in your world to boot plus you are still very much Post partum so please check for this too. Just remember you are a valubale part of this team with the knowledge you have and the love you share. We can b e there for you 2 when you need it.
Rina
Well, I can't turn me back for five minutes and you go and
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Thanks all,
I am getting through the day, although I am biting the boys heads off every time they utter a syllable, poor things. Doesn't help that I have a monster of a head cold either. I have an appt to see my counsellor on Thursday and will get a recommendation for a pdoc. Up to now I've been using the family doc, but I know now I need something more. For those of you who emailed and called, thank you so much; but I just need to crawl into bed tonight and try to get a decent night's sleep. Dh is going to take Roan into the spare roo so I can do this. Hopefully I will be in better shape tomorrow to email/call you.
Thanks gals,
Dee
Hi Dee,
and we all love ye and just want to be able to help. Reaching out is the very very best thing you can do. These dark dark places really suck, and noone understands what our world is like, well, but us. And we DO so understand where you are at, more so than most.
And we are always ready to hear from you and anyone else who is feeling so low and blue, in such a rock hard place. When we give and give and there is so little getting back, not NONE of course, as noone can discount the love we receive from our children and even our difficult spouses, but many days it just isn't anywhere near enough to fill the depletion, the exhaustion, the toll this all takes on us.
(((((((HUGS)))))).
Quick story to see if I can get a smile:
Malcolm asks me what the "f" word means, he and pals have been discussing which swear words are the worst ones. I ask him if he remembers about the act of sex, which we have discussed and read about. In a shocked voice, he asks if that is bad? I say, No, it's not bad, it's a beautiful thing, but the "f" word itself is only used in an insulting way, if someone is using it, they are swearing. Did he understand this?
Well, kinda, he says, OK. I thought the word meant ... (wait for it) ... Bad Traffic.
true story.
love ya,
Sara
ROFLMAO @ Malcolm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took me a second, but I got it LOL
Dee,
Your more than entitled to fall apart once in a while. Constantly fighting depression is exhausting and I should know!!! Didn't your family just go back home recently? As much as mine drive me batty I always get really low after they leave. It's hard being here sometimes without family to support ya or just to help out with the kids. Keep the chin up. Your a fighter and you'll fight your way out of this one too!
Teresa
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