Have you told your child?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Have you told your child?
3
Sat, 08-04-2007 - 1:11pm
Hi,
My ds was dx with pdd nos last year.We haven't told him anything yet, he's not the kind of kid to ask a lot of questions.
He was dx with mild to borderline,so we don't have that many problems.
The main problem we have is school.He has changed schools this year to a much smaller one one so hopefully things will improve.
He has recently been saying things like i don't have many friends because i'm naughty all the time and i get angry.btw he's lots of friends.
trying to explain that he's not naughty to him is getting more difficult as he's getting older.he's just turned 9.
I was just wondering have you told your child?How did they take it?did they freak out or was it a relief?How did you tell them?Did it change anything?
I think the time has come to let him know he's not a naughty boy and there is a reason for his different behaviour.
The only thing i worry about is ds using his dx as an excuse for behaviour i know he can control.
Yvonne xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 1:04am

Well Sweety, I'm a huge believer in disclosure, but it also depends on the kid. Some kids can't handle it and wouldn't understand. But only the parents can make that decision.


Mine handled it just fine. Like Jade says "It's not like I didn't already know I was different somehow."


One thing to consider is that if you go ahead and tell him then it will be easier to help him with any problems he has. When he has a misunderstanding that you feel is due to his ASD then you can point it out and explain to him how the other party was seeing things and how he can better handle simular situations on the future. When my kids have social conflicts they very often like to know if the problem was do to normal peer related problems or ASD differences. Also, if you tell him and lay all the cards on the table first off then you might be able to help him avoid some problems altogether (my AS DH calls this 'Earthing 101 Lessons').


Eva says it helps her to understand what's going on when she knows that other people think in radically differnt ways than her. It helps her to understand situations better when going into them. It also allows me to work with her NT friends in helping them understand her better. I've had her friends come up and ask me about, or complain about some of her aspiness, and once I've explained that it's an aspie issue for her and how it effects her they usualy go "Oh. That makes sense." and then go back to playing with her instead of getting mad and refusing to play with her.


Another thing to think about is that he's eventually going to find out someday. At the very least when he grows up and gets his own doctor and that doctor gets a copy of his pediatric records. So, if you think Joe's ready for it now, then tell him now. Because another thing you don't want happening is having someone else telling him instead of you, like a teacher or neighbor (or some crazy lady in the States that he'll be visiting eventually, lol).


Anyway, that's my take. If you think he's ready for it go ahead and tell him.


~Candes

APOV on Autism

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 12:58pm

this morning has been a tough one. i mention this because son knows he has asd and bipolar. i explained to him that he sees thing differently than other people. it has been explained that the pathways in his brain don't always connect. meds and therapy help bridge those gaps. he picks up on autism and bp in the media. he told me he can't be bp because it requires 2 drs to give the dx and because children can't be dxed until 18 yrs old. he's smart and knows that he reacts to some stuff poorly. we use those reactions to try and improve his behavior the next time the situation happens.
as i mentioned it was a tough morning, son melted. he gathered himself and apologized. we talked about what was not appropiate. (hitting, swearing at me). he
son saves his behaviors for me. school has seen some of them but he controls at school and at his dads.

as far as using the dx as an excuse for bad behavior, i don't think so. children need to take responsibility for their actions. they also need support when they make bad choices. they need to know what options they have so thay can make good choices. sometimes they
are overwhelmed and cannot control their actions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 10:01am

My kids appreciated knowing why they were different, even tho' they're "mild" AS, there are enough differences in their behaviors to that of other children, that my kids were aware of the differences.

When I told my kids their dx, I explained that it's like any other health challenge someone might be born with, like being blind or deaf or having only one leg. Fortunately we know a blind older teen, and dd friend has deaf parents, so the kids have seen how having a disability doesn't allow them to excuse their behavior, it means they have to work extra hard to overcome the challenges. I also identified the positives (my AS kids are very smart) and pointed out that many engineers and computer people also have autism spectrum disorders.

My kids already more or less understood their dx, but they enjoyed reading books on the subject as well, esp the "All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome" book since it's so cute.