Helping him work Indepedently

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Helping him work Indepedently
2
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 5:14pm

I just noticed today that at times Sam (6 dx AS) hates doing things himself. I'm not sure if it's a transition thing or a fear of failure or imperfection or what.

He brushes his teeth, but he wants us to watch. I've placed a picture of him brushing his teeth above the sink as a visual cue to remind him where to stand, but that isn't really helping him much. We have to make him sit on the toilet nightly (he holds his BMs) and he wants us to wait with him to count to 30.

Today he wanted to play UNO and we agreed and told him to go get it out of his room and he just about had a meltdown over it. "why do I have to do everything myself?!?!" He definately struggles with independent tasks at school and any time he has to do something himself (trips to the bathroom at school are fraught with distraction and precosious behavior.) If we set a timer at home he's usually pretty good about getting himself dressed or picking up his toys. But sometimes he still can't get these done independently.

I'm not looking for perfection, just curious if this is an AS thing or just his personality. This morning was a leisurely one; no getting ready for school or rushing around. He put up no fuss when dressing himself or brushing his teeth; the request to get the UNO seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back though and so early in the day. I fear that it's more part of why he's struggling with school work than the distraction or sensory stuff. Plus he has a hard time with reading any how; it's a bad combo. I'd like to encourage independence without him feeling overwhelmed but the line seems to change daily. I generally follow his cues as to how much he can handle.

Does this sound familiar?

Chrystee

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Registered: 02-24-2004
Sun, 11-06-2005 - 6:45pm

Chrystee,

My son is 6 1/2 and HFA. He has this type of behavior too. Some days go smoother, and other days not so much. It does depends on how his day went, and how stressed he is too. Some days he just wakes up this way!!! The more stressed, the more things tend bother him. This is when he gets very particular about things, wanting everything to stay the same and be the same way, etc. It's very comforting for him to have things "just so".

Nathan knows how to do things on his own, but there are days when he asks me to stay, or to help. Followed by lots of whining too!! Nathan usually does ok if I just tell him that he can do and then I walk away. But then there are those DAYS, where this does not work!! I think you know what I mean!! LOL I try not to do too much for him, if I know he's capable. I talk him thru it, and will even help a little. But Nathan gets drawn into new "routines"....so I have to be careful, or else he'll expect help all the time! I also use this time to practice his speech, by asking him why he wants me to stay, why he needs my help, etc. This way we get to practice his conversation skills, and his what and why questions.

But anyway, I know exactly how you feel. It can be real draining at times.

michelle

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Registered: 06-09-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:17pm

When I read these posts.. I thought.. this sounds exactly like Ryan(6 AS) LOL! With him, it's day by day. Some days he is very independent and actually tells me to back off (not in those words) and let him do things for himself. Other days he's really needy. I haven't really been able to figure out the pattern, or the trigger or something. DH thinks it has to do with being tired, hungry, etc.. and that may be part of it. It's hard because he's an only child, and I can't always tell what I should expect him to be able to do on his own..what is appropriate for someone his age, and what is not.

Getting ready in the morning for school and getting to the bus stop is a perfect example.. some days it goes smoothly.. other times it's a real struggle. Ryan will complain is back pack too heavy, or his coat is too bulky and he can't open the car door, he wants me to hold the umbrella for him, stuff like that. This will all happen in front of our entire neighborhood, about 6 kids plus parents. I know they think I should force him to do it all by himself.. they don't realize that sometimes that is not the best option.

I can definitely share your frustration..

Kate