HFA behavior vs. 5 yo behavior??
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HFA behavior vs. 5 yo behavior??
| Tue, 11-29-2005 - 9:00am |
I'm going through a real rough patch with DD (5 yo, HFA and ADD).
| Tue, 11-29-2005 - 9:00am |
I'm going through a real rough patch with DD (5 yo, HFA and ADD).
Sounds like autistic type behavior to me and we have dealt with that and still do though it gets better, we still go through phases. We do a couple things for this behavior.
First, find out what the actual root cause is because it may not be arguing just for the sake of arguing. If my kids are stressed over some other thing they will do this. Heck, Cait is doing it this morning! She had a spat with a girl at school yesterday and is stressed about going to school this morning. So now none of her clothes are right, nothing for breakfast is right, and she is arguing everything. I am here on the puter waiting her out. Which leads me to strategy #1.
1- waiting them out. Give them the direction and walk away. Staying and providing more verbal instruction just usually makes things worse. If I tell them what needs to be done and walk away making myself unavailable they often do what is needed or make the correct choice.
2 - "Forced" choices - this is good for oppositional behavior which is very related to the last one. Basically you provide choices but it is basically explaining the appropriate behavior vs. the consequence. But you make it there choice "You have a choice, you can either eat breakfast or not have breakfast and then you will be hungry. It is your choice" or "You can choose to pick up x or you will choose to go to time out", etc. again, walk away when you are done with the direction and don't get into any more arguing
3 - provide limited choices. Kids with ASD's can't handle too many choices often so in the case of what to wear or what to eat provide 2 or 3 choices and that is it. again walk away so for instance "you can choose cereal or toast for breakfast or you can choose not to eat but you will be hungry".
4- related to above, when providing choices if you can make the choices visual. I don't know if you daughter is reading yet, but we have a chalk board in the kitchen and I will write the choices there or on the board in thier room. If she is not reading pictures work or take out the actual items and show her the choices.
Hope that helps.
Renee
Thanks for the suggestions, Renee.
Jenny,
My ds is 6 1/2 and also HFA. We have alot of that behavior here too! I provide Nathan with choices too, sometimes he just gets so overwhelmed and frustrated. I've also learned to pick my battles with as well. It's just too hard to fight everything everyday! I started out letting him have his fixations, getting him calm and comfortable with a routine that worked for him. I would let him have certain things the way he wanted, like what cup he wanted, etc. Then I start teaching him, (one thing at a time) to be flexible in his ways. He doesn't have to have the same cup anymore, his favorite color is blue...but not everything has to be blue anymore. He varies his meals without much arguement too. He still has some routines and fixations that are the same, but I don't want to take everything away from him. These things provide him with comfort. I'm still teaching him flexibility, probably will for a long time, but it is a slow process.
Nathan also acts out if he's stressed, so sometimes when he throws a tantrum about something that isn't normal for him....I know that it's because of something else. Then I have to focus on calming him down. I usually compromise in these situations. He's still young, and trying to understand himself, so I don't try to push him too hard. I get better results when he's not stressed and upset.
Best of luck,
michelle
I have to agree with what everyone else had to say. Usually Jake is pretty good at co-operating but there are stages he goes through where he is exactly how you described your DD. I notice it more with him when he's stressed about something and it happens a lot when he is doing something new in his development. I also find giving choices helps and it seems to make him feel like he has some control over his life.
Teresa
Jenny,
Your description could have been my ds, (5.8).
Michelle,
You reminded me of another tip. PICK YOUR BATTLES!
If she asks for something and your first inclination is to say no, stop and think for a minute. Will "no" bring on a tantrum? Is that tantrum worth the "no".
You should read "the explosive child". It has some great tips. One of the best was to put everything into 3 baskets, A,B and C. A is the definites. Those are the safety items and those with which you are willing to endure a tantrum over. B - those are items which are important but not important enough for a tantrum. These are your teaching level things. Those which you try to work out through other strategies (he has loads of good ones I forgot to mention). Some are the providing choices and not arguing, but also helping them come up with the words or work out compromises. C- is the throw away basket. That is the automatic yes that just isn't worth any fight at all. At first "C" is your biggest basket with the most things in it and you just don't fight over.
The point is that eventually things get moved up in the baskets until you have more and more acceptable behavior. Geez. I think I need to reread that again.
Renee
Thanks so much everyone for your input!