Hold back one year

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Hold back one year
5
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 10:11am

My DS's preschool suggested that we might want to keep him behind because of his emotional (he cries a lot when he is upset), social (he has difficulty reading cues from other kids) and language (he speak very slowly) problems. However, my DS is very bright ; hehas been reading since he was 3 years old, he has been writing essays and has advanced math and reasoning skills.

Has anyone kept their child back one year because of their emotional or social problems. Do you think it helped.

I worry that if we keep DS back, he will loose all sef confidence.

Thanks. Ivona

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 7:04pm

This is just MY opinjion, so please don't take this as gospel, but I wouldn't do this. Your DS's social and emotional problems are down to his ASD and he is not going to 'grow out' of them. In fact, in my experience, they'll get WORSE, not better, if he is spending a lot of time with children younger than him. He would probably benefit more from being around OLDER children, and modelling on their better skills. If you hold him back I would say he might end up behaving worse and becoming frustrated.

He needs support and accommodations around his social and emotional skills, because he is not going to grow out of these problems. Sure, some things get easier with age, but I think unless you teach ASD kids social skills in a very structured and supportive way, their interactions with their peers get worse and worse. And in our experience, trying to get Euan to behave appropriately around younger children has always been a complete nightmare. Put him in a room of sensible teenagers or adults and he can hold his own and you wouldn't even know he had an ASD unless you knew to look for the signs. Put him in a room full of younger children and he'll regress and you may well end up having to break up a fight as some poor 5 year old breaks the 'rules'. Your DS is not socially immature, he is *disabled*. He has a real, enduring disability that he isn't going to grow out of. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but the sooner the preschool recognise that, the easier it will be for your DS.

Kirsty, mum to Euan (12, Asperger's Syndrome) Rohan (7, NT) and Maeve (5, NT)

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"


Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Mon, 11-29-2010 - 7:13pm

My personal opinion, based on my experience with my own son (who was an early reader but very immature), is that he'll be fine if you hold him back a year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 11:52am

Our son was in 3rd grade last year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2008
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 3:03pm

Thank you so much for all of your thoughtful suggestions. DS has an assessment next week which includes group play.

I am hoping that the assessment will give us some answers.

Thanks again. Ivona