Holiday Survival tips thread

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Registered: 06-25-2003
Holiday Survival tips thread
6
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 6:00pm

It's that time of the year again, and although there is alot of joy and fun associated with the holidays, there is also a lot

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
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Registered: 10-03-2004
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 6:37pm

Hi Pau;s.

Malcolm (age 10, full re-eval in about a month) loves the Holidays. We have traditions around everything, getting the tree, playing Xmas music, stockings, cookies for Santa (wink wink), etc. Now that he doesn't have the schools parties, etc., our celebrations mean even more to him. In fact, it's time to get that tree!

We do a party at our place Xmas Eve with all his favorite people including a few of his close friends, and then Xmas Day we travel to MN where all my large family is, "Land of Many Cousins" and the real fun begins. Lots of swimming parties every day and electronics wars and activities with his cousins, whom he loves as siblings and he misses them the rest of the year when he doesn't get to see them. By the end of the week or more that we always spend in MN, he does get overwhelmed if there are simply too many large family gatherings, but he is always allowed a dark bedroom with nintendo ds or outside playtime and he manages.

In that way, everything we do to deal with the Holidays is the same as any other time of the year. He does go to big gatherings here from time to time and he has learned how to pace and take care of himself. Often, his dad joins him during party "retreats", 2 peas in a pod!!!

Sara

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 1:55am

Well we usually do a one day trip to my husband's sisters and

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 8:39am

Mostly Tom participates in all the activities we do.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 8:58am

I think *I* am the one that needs survival tips rather than for my Aspie :-)


I am not sure how he is going to be this year as it is the first Christmas in our new home, in a new country, and we are having a lot of guests stay which will mean he will need to share his bedroom with his baby sister, plus the PC will be packed away. So our usual survival strategies of allowing him to escape into his room or to the PC when it all gets a bit much are not going to be there....(I may need to find a way to set up an emergency PC in our bedroom or something!). The other thing that is difficult this year is this is first year he has finally been truly 'in' on the Santa deal (last year he was still wavering....) which means a lot of tense explanations on our part as to why he can't 'blow' it for his brother and sister. Several ways I have found of coping:


A) allowing him to write a letter to Santa (with help!) and limiting his gifts to exactly what is on his list (and getting relatives in on this as well). That way there are no unexpected surprises and he can be really, honestly grateful for what he gets and thank his relatives graciously. Otherwise we are in danger of tears, tantrums, and 'but I don't *want* this' which doesn't go down well with uninformed grandparents!!


B) writing down a timetable for the 'big day' (actually, this was originally to help *me* ensure that we all got fed at some point!) and allowing him to help me stick to it - so he reminds me when we need to put the goose in the oven, turn the potatoes over, set the table, put the pudding on to steam. Not only does this play to his strengths, but it helps me stay calm and in control, and it makes him feel like he is really helping.


C) giving him set tasks to do that keep him away from his siblings at key flash points. Eg allowing him to lay out the cutlery, and his brother to lay out the crackers, rather than asking them to share the cutlery, which will inevitably result in his brother getting stabbed with a cocktail fork for laying the spoons facing the 'wrong' way....!


d) if there is a divide between children and adults (eg in seating arrangements, or food, or cutlery) making sure he is on the 'adult' side if possible


e) keeping the adults well-inebriated. this helps *everything* go smoothly, in my experience :-)


f) elisting the help of trusted adults (in this case my mum) to recognise key warning signals and flashpoints and intervene before nuclear war between cousins breaks out


g) making absolutely sure that *I* remain calm at all times and don't lose it with him, or with anyone else. See e) for help with this LOL. Planning, preparation and delegation!


h) having set outings (eg this year we are going out for lunch on Boxing Day (26th), and out for a pantomime the day before Christmas Eve), designed to get either everyone, or key members, out of the house at key times. Although you don't want to over-organise and have everything seem like a military operation, in my experience lengthy periods of unstructured time combined with lots of strangers and changes to routine are a recipe for disaster. A balance of planned activities and 'down' time seems to work best for everyone.


I'm *really* looking forward to Christmas this year!


Kirsty, mum to Euan (9, Asperger's), Rohan (4, NT) and Maeve (2, NT)

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Registered: 08-10-2006
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 11:21am

Hi!


We stick to the same routine as well.

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Christine

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Registered: 10-09-2003
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 7:44pm

This letter is great. I don't even know where it came from originally, or how much I adapted it. But it's really nice to give people if you're going to be at their home or if they're coming to your place.

Dear Family and Friends:

I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year. Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, I am challenged by a hidden disability called Autism, or what some people refer to as a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopmental disorder which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings. Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: Some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry. Others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support. I get easily frustrated, too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard.

I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by OK. But if something, anything, changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard. When you try to talk to me, I often can't understand what you say because there is a lot of distraction around. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you -- I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and not knowing what is most important to respond to. Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it's very hard work and can be extremely stressful.

I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat. If I cannot sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaved or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people -- I just have to get up and move about. Please don't hold up your meal for me -- go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how.

Don't be disappointed if Mom hasn't dressed me in my Sunday best. It's because she knows how much stiff clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable. When I go to someone else's house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out)! Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn't mean you have to change the way you are doing things -- just please be patient with me and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside.

People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown ups call it "self-regulation," or "stimming." I might flap my hands, mumble, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. Again, I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this "perseverating" which is kind of like self-regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down. Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me "stim" for a while as they know me best and what helps to calm me.

Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety, and preservation of your possessions. It hurts my parents' feelings to be criticized for being overprotective, or condemned for not watching me close enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints.

My parents are good people and need your support. Holidays are filled with sights, sounds, and smells. The average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it's very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don't possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person--an interesting person. I will find my place at this Celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you'll try to view the world through my eyes!

~ Chelsea
~ Chelsea