Holy Pooo - DH's response
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| Fri, 03-09-2007 - 4:29pm |
I have to cut and paste this here. DH definitely went way beyond what I intended to do with my email. Whoa Nelly! Made some changes for privacy sake (names, etc)
"I received copies of some emails between you and Renee, concerning homework issues for our daughter, Caiti. I am copying this email to (director of special ed), because someone in the (our) District needs to hear these issues out besides you. The VUSD website is very cryptic for an outsider (with very little information), and it makes it very hard to locate contact information. There is no website for the Special Education Department, nor a directory for central office staff, Glen is not included here (but please forward this to him if you can, as well as your site administrator).
Homework is funny item when it comes to public education. Nowhere in the federal and state laws does it state homework as having any standards. The word "homework" exists NO SINGLE place in the California State Education Code. By definition, "homework" is supposed to be what the student can do at the independent level, and is thus a purely discretionary item between teacher and parent. Even the NCCSE acknowledges homework is completely negotiable between parent and teacher.
As you may be aware, Renee and I have been in education for many years. I am currently teaching in my 17th year. Renee has been in a variety of teaching and volunteer positions in that time span. So, we are not naive parents. In addition, we have both been in the professional field of autism since 1993. From a parental and professional point of view, we have employed a variety of strategies to support Caiti's homework. From our perspective, it can be insulting to suggest strategies to improve Caiti's homework - strategies that have not worked despite many efforts over the past eight years. We completely agree with you that independence is a great goal for Caitlin. But as countless research in this field demonstrates, independence does not happen by itself or by simply adding incentives and rewards for Caiti.
We need to modify the homework - and we need to modify it now. What Caiti is reporting to you is not 100% true. In fact, Caiti has a long history of saying things to get her off the hook - or what she thinks will get her off the hook. She does this as a coping technique - pure fight or flight response (Caiti will always flee). Her behavior is telling us she is stressed over the homework issue because she does not have the right information in front of her. You may see this at school, and we understand that. But, it is well documented in the professional literature that people with and autism spectrum disorder do not generalize skills easily. She is struggling bridging school and home, and we as adults need to help build that bridge. THAT is the road to independence, rather than a punitive threat she has to fear every Friday.
In the best-selling book Freakonomics, the authors explain life decisions come down to a risk v. benefit analysis. For Caiti, right now the risk of going to Friday School is not offset by any benefit, especially when she spends a good portion some nights crying over what some ignorant general education teacher said to her between classes, or some bullying peers hiding her clarinet and she misses the bus. This is Caiti's life, and she takes home all the stresses from her day. She does a darn good job holding it together at school compared to previous years. But we need to find a way so she does not feel her life is too busy to get her homework done. There is a message she is communicating through her behavior. Are we all listening and are we hearing the same message?"
Then followed by his signature with credentials listed. The bummer for the teacher is that if she were in his district, he would be her boss. lol.
GO DAD! GO DAD!
Well, he is useless often but when he gets motivated he is awfully good to have on the team. I can go play good cop now.
Renee


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Oh Renee, that was an excellent letter!!!!! I would like to copy it too in case I need it lol.
You know I agree with all of the others. Your Dh did it, and really for the most part it's true! Let him be the agressive cave man when you need him to be hehehe. And you can be the good cop that smooths everything over.
I have to admit, I feel a bit ashamed... I suggested (on another thread) that you send Cait to the library to get homework done.
I'm so mad at myself now, because I realize for years I have been more concerned with what the school thinks than what my own son needs. You and your Dh really triggered something in me with this letter.
Right now I can only get Chris to school every other day. And his younger brother has been having fits because big brother has been able to miss alot of school.... Sigh, my younger one has the same rage issues as his older brother....
Thanks for giving me a shot of reality, and to remind myself that my kids are more important than what the school wants. Even if I do go to jail LOLOLOLOL.
Lainie
As we'd say in the old country........"Jaysus!!"
Dee......your babe is beautiful.....sorry I have been missing in action for several months now......just had to comment.
Renee......dad is on the warpath........look out! LOL! I like how he includes your credentials......making sure everyone knows that they can not pull the wool over either of your eyes.......good luck! I don't know the full story.....I have to catch up on reading.
Christie
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