To homeschool or not to homeschool?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
To homeschool or not to homeschool?
10
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 4:44pm

Desperately need advice from BTDT or anyone with an opinion on this.
I have gone back and forth about this forever and today when my DS, Noah (9) came home and had said he had "the worst day at school ever" I just started thinking about it again. He is in a school with over 400 gifted kids and I know for sure that he is the only kid in the school with Aspergers or anything close to it. I know because I had an IEP meeting last week and I asked! The principal is clueless and just content to be the big, friendly, fun uncle of the school and doesn't want to deal with any serious issues (like bullying, etc. ) I have talked to other parents who share this opinion. The IEP team is well meaning and full of compassion but the school district I live in is a complete mess and I don't have too much confidence that they're going to be able to help him too much.

I'll try to make a long story short....the majority of Noah's problems are social and we are starting a social skills/therapy group tomorrow nite (I'm so excited!) which will probably help him but what will it do to help the mean, nasty kids at school? Why should I continutally send my son to a place where he will be bullied, teased, misunderstood? How can he learn in such an environment? They can make all the accomodations they want (for his poor handwriting, help in following directions, etc) but how can they every stop bullying? It is, of course, in the school handbook that "bullying is not allowed" blah, blah, blah...looks good on paper but I don't have time to constantly fight the principal or his teachers. I can be a "guerilla mom" if I have to be but my son suffers in the meantime. The way I look at it is I don't have time to always be fighting someone.
Private school may be an option but there are none that are really small enough to be really helpful to my son. So we move to a smaller school...problem solved? No. Smaller school, same Aspergers! I really feel like time is of the essence for my son - he needs to be educated and helped in an environment that suits him and the public school system doesn't always seem like a good fit with Aspergers.

I have been a stay-at-home mom ever since he was born. I work a little side job at a law firm doing filing, computer work, etc. while he is in school so I'm already home - I would willing and gladly homeschool him if I thought it was best for him.

You know how they say "listen to your gut"? My gut has always been whispering to me (probably for the last year) "try homeschooling, try homeschooling?

have you done it? are you doing it now? would you do it?
Thanks
Jane

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 6:12pm

My DS will be 8 next week and is diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD. I homeschooled him for the last 3 months of 1st grade (last year). It worked well for us and I would not hesitate to do it again if I felt that the public schools could not meet his needs. Academically DS is above grade level, so I did not stress academics as much as I would if we were to homeschool for an entire year. We spent 15 minutes each on reading, writing and math per day, and essentially "unschooled" the remaining time. He was still receiving speech, OT and social work at school so we spent a few hours a week at school anyway.

This year DS has been in a self-contained classroom and has been doing quite well. There are 8 boys in the classroom with a teacher and 2 full-time aides. There is a social worker who is often in the classroom as well. Part of our reason for returning to the public school was to help him learn to interact with other adults and kids. Now, there are plenty of activities that DS could be involved if we were homeschooling which would give him social interaction. But for my DS, I need for him to learn to follow directions and treat others respectfully. His teachers and aides are trained in this and he has come a long way this year.

I feel very fortunate that we have found a good placement for DS. I wouldn't rule out homeschooling in the future though.

Have you visited the homeschooling board? They have a special needs section and have had some discussion about homeschooling and Aspergers.

Misty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 6:24pm

I Have a couple friends that have done it and are very pleased. I keep it in my backpocket of ideas in case I need to. My kids do better typically with the old brick and mortar kind of school. Mike needs the structure and needs to be around other people than me or he just becomes withdrawn and doesn't want to go with anyone or anywhere.

I did homeschool Cait a couple times for a month at a time (end of 1st and end of 3rd). It was tough getting her used to that and not getting frustrated with her distractability at home. She was already in a bad place when she started homeschooling so it was tough. I think if I were more prepared and we stuck with it for a while it would go well. But she is actually doing pretty well socially and in a specialized program for AS kids. However, if she continues to struggle or struggles more I will likely homeschool her.

If you stop by the forums on www.asdrendrewolf.org Candes is trying to start up a section on homeschool special needs/AS type kids. She has been homeschooling her ASD kids (one AS and one HFA) for years.

Renee

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Mon, 05-15-2006 - 7:12pm
I went to a seminar recently where it was sugegsted homeschooling for the middle school years when the kids can be very nasty.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 8:18pm

Jane,

Personally, The thought of homeschooling makes me break out in hives, but I know I do not have the patience, temperament, organization skills or attention span for it.

I do believe strongly in following one's gut, and if your gut has been whispering for that long; well, maybe it has a point. I would advise you to think it through carefully, including long-term prospects and how you will cover things like socialization, as well as "specials", OT or PT if needed. Check out resources in your community, if there is a homeschooling co-operative or support group or anything similar, which may help you.

Also have a fallback plan -just in case it doesn't work out.

-Paula

-Paula

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Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 8:48pm

Dear Jane,

Our boy will be 9 in a few months. We have him in a private special needs school for super bright kids, where there are 10 kids in a class and 2 teachers. No teasing, great academics, inderstanding teacher and staff and real nice kids who are all good friends. Win-win.

But if we didn't, and if we found ourselves in a situation like yours, we would homeschool in a heartbeat. That socialization argument doesn't work at all if the other children aren't monitored and a strict no-bullying policy isn't enforced. Children should not be abused!!! And since you can tell this school is not going to do anything, I think I would homeschool fairly fast.

Does he have OT, speech etc. now? You should be able to retain these esrvices even though homeschooling. Do you have a good advocate or lawyer? Might need one to get the SD to comply with continuing services for a homeschooled child, but it certainly can be done. And should be.

And socialization can be much better outside of the stress of school anyways, esp. since recess is being way cut back and lunchtime can be a nightmare for our kids. So --- what socialzation? We have our son in afterschool programming such as chess club, Little League, Tae Kwondo, lots of controlled socialization, plus we load him up with regular playdates. This most certainly would continue should we ever homeschool.

And the way schools are here in NYC, we very well may HAVE to for middle school.

Good luck with your decision. Let us know what you decide and how things go. I agree that mommy guts should be listened to, they are usually right IMHO.

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 9:58pm

Thanks so much for all the great responses.

Right now Noah is too high functioning to even get any services at school but I wanted to start him in the "system" because everything moves at a snails pace so requested an initial IEP meeting. He is not a behavior problem and does well in school, but has anxiety issues, and the regular AS socialization issues but the school looks at me like I'm nuts for being too concerned about that. His teacher said "Oh all 3rd graders complain that they don't have any friends" Maybe so, but he REALLY doesn't have any friends and doesn't know how to make them so it IS a problem.

He's only got 11 more days of school and I don't even care if he goes there anymore. It just seems like we're trying to jam a square peg into a round hole by sending him to public school.

I've been reading all the posts in the HOmeschooling/Special Needs section too. I didn't know about it.

When my husband and I make our decision I will let you all know!
I love this board - it is such a blessing!

Jane

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Registered: 05-09-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 9:30am

I have AS and was homeschooled fourth grade through graduation. It was the best thing my mom ever did for me. I plan on homeschooling my aspie as long as possible.

If you join aslearningathome@yahoogroups.com you can talk to alot of people who are homeschooling their PDD/AS/ASD children and others who are, like you, strongly considering it!

Avatar for nutmegspice
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:11am

We have been considering homeschooling here ourselves. Our DS's 1st grade teacher just isn't very opened minded and is over loaded with challenging kids with no aide in her mainstream classroom. DS loves the socialization at school though does have a hard time at recess and lunch.

DH is totally against homeschooling because DS and I tend to bumpheads alot. I also think that DS needs that separation of home and school on some level. He does stay calmer and less frustrated when learning around other adults. With me, he'll break down in a second and refuse to even try. Though lately he has become more confident with reading and has been more flexible in this area (he has a reading disability.) I also tend to be a little anxious around other people's kids because of Ds's checkered past, so going out of my way to make play dates isn't one of my strong points. We do go to playgrounds alot though and Sam does well with that.

If school ever was harming him more than doing good, I'd pull him out in a second. Right now, I will continue to fight for some extra help and a smaller classroom with an aide.

I think on the IEP board, someone mentioned calling the Superintendent and requesting a copy of the SD policy on bullying. This peaked their interest and got the ball rolling for some more intervention in this area at school. Also, I'm curious about your DS's IEP. He still should qualify for some services even if he is high functioning. If he needs speech for social skills, he needs it, high functioning or not. Check out the IEP board here for some good tips.

Good luck!

Chrystee

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 4:23pm

We're starting hs'ing in the fall with our four kids. The older two, who do not have AS are having trouble in the school due to the very low expectations our school district has. We moved here in Decemeber and there is no challenge to the work they are receiving due to being in a superior school district in TX prior to moving. That's problem #1. Our second and I would say the deciding factor for homeschooling would be my 4yo AS child. He just couldn't handle the classroom setting. And this school is not ready for him in terms of education regarding AS and staffing. Wrap that up with the fact that we are a military family that could move who knows how many times between now and the time they graduate...it fits.

I say go with your gut. If you feel as though hs'ing is the better alternative for your child and that it's a job you're ready to tackle then do it. I was the mom that said 'I could NEVER hs' until Xander was dx'ed. That changed everything.

Good luck in finding answers! I also frequent the hs'ing board and they are awesome over there!!

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Registered: 02-20-2001
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 4:40pm

This was emailed to me today and I thought it was quite timely!


http://washingtontimes.com/metro/20060514-094541-9803r.htm
The Washington Times
www.washingtontimes.com

Top questions on special needs

By Michael Smith
Published May 15, 2006

 


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