Homework/schoolwork issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Homework/schoolwork issues
20
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 8:39am

Okay the calls from the teacher continue...My son is not getting his work in on time, or to at least not up to expectatons on time. So when the teacher called and told me that he was behind and wanted him to stay after to catch up and that he appeared to lack motivation, I mentioned (why I did it in this way Im not sure) that he does require extra time and can have difficulty organizing his things/remebering to hand them in, and the he was diagnosed with Aspergers. He said yes, I know he does need the extra time and he has Aspergers but he's worked with many AS kids and getting work done is usually a strength and not a problem.
So of course that left me question the diagnosis (I dont think I'll ever stop that) However I'm reading a book right now, A Parents Guide to Asperger Syndrome and there is a whole section that says how common it is for children to have difficulty with schoolwork, staying organized,long term projects, lack self motivation, not concerned whether or not they will get in trouble. It was alot, and sounded like a complete description of my ds.
The school just always makes me feel like Im looking for excuses...Last year at the PPT ( before diagnosis) they basically agreed he needed more time and that his grades were good, test scores high, that it sounded like I just needed to get him some help outside of school socially. It irritates me because he does well usually in school, one teacher described it as he doesn't finish his work/ or appear to even be paying attention yet he'll get an A on the test. So his grades usually come out okay they have ranged from A's to D's but usually balance out to a B/C average. Yet every year I get cals from teachers, comments like -lacks motivation, qualtiy of work uneven.
UGGGGHHHH! I'm babbling I know, I'm just frusrated part of me doesn't even care about his grades. I just want him to take pride in what he does and make friends, learn life skills.

Amanda

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 10:12pm
New here not sure where to begin, about a month ago my husband heard something about Asperger on a radio talk show that he lisen to all the time and called me. For a while now we thought maybe our daughter was ADHD but never was completely convinced. Now we here about this and i read this board about how smart kids are that have this, my daugher knew her abc's at 18 months, gets good test scores, excpet this week things slipped a little. I had a confernce with her teacher on friday and DD is not turning in work,is behind on jornal writeing, is not organized, talks all the time non stop. but gets good grades. yet at grandmas or my aunts shes so good and lisens, my mom always comments on how good she was. so im wondering if this maybe the answer is Asperger something that is treated by meds, is it a change in diet. what do i do. What happens at the doctor if shes dinignoised with this. I was searching for more information on this. more reading material about what exactly are some symptoms. im very concerned. please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 10:14pm
Oh My, I wish I could be that organized to come up with a system that works for him! I definately lack executive function skills, I'm sure this adds to the fire. I have to say I love the idea of the zippered binder and the accordian files sound great! For 5th and 6th the zippered binders were required, it was nice because the assignment book went in the front and each class had it's own section. OUr issue was that EVERYTHING was in it. He has hoarding issues, which aren't so bad anymore but I when it comes to his notebooks he will not let me touch them, and wont throw anything out. LAst year the teacher called and said she kept him in to clean out his binder and she was amazed I ever found out anything from school, as every slip was in there still. It's defintely one of his quirks!
This year they have seperate binders for each class, and they do get books for home so they dont have to truck them back and forth. That in itself is a great help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 10:35pm

I hope it will get better with him, hopefully because your on it now with him he will learn the skills necessary before he starts getting loads of assignments!

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 9:23am

Thanks so much for the links. I particuarily like the first one, with the list of executive function deficits for those w/ aspergers. I think I will print that and bring it to the school! I totally also lack these skills Paula, I'm always in different directions and it's no wonder my kids have no order!

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 11:43am

Ya know, I was reading here about how folks are moving heck and high water to help thier children succeed and pass. Often reteaching things that should have been taught in school.

My therapist had a good point that she had seen this with lots of kids. She said I needed to let Cait fail. I needed to stop doing so much for the school and Cait every day so that they would see the need, pick up the slack adn start doing thier job. It was causing way too much stress on Cait, on me and the school thought everything was fine.

So I did, and I let her do the minimum on assignments, and I let her be unorganized and not turn things in. And ya know what, finally I am not crazy. They are starting to see the problem she has.

I never recieved a response to my email last week, but I got one yesterday and suddenly they are doing lots to help Cait and trying to be creative. They are seeing that even with the punishments and threats of punishments she just can't do it. The SDC teacher is actually pulling her aside 1:1 to help her learn how to do her science report. She turned in the rough draft and it was completely awful for a girl who should be able to get B's at least.

Anyway, it is an idea to think about. We don't want our kids to fail, but sometimes we have to let them just a bit unless we plan on being there to fix things thier whole lives.

Reports and projects were a thing of frustration for me and Cait too. She would also just meltdown, cover her ears, etc. By that point in the day she has nothing left to give and think. It isn't fair to expect a kid to function through school all day with less support than they need and then teach them at home or make up the difference at home. That'd be similar to working a 12 hour day I would imagine in a kid world.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 11:49am

Hi there,

It is tough in the begining. I have a feeling your post will get lost in the middle of another thread. You may want to try posting a new thread from the main screen.

In the meantime, Asperger's is a different way of thinking. Diet may help some with issues like anxiety and such. Same with medications, but they are not cure. Alot of it is learning new ways to interact with her and help her. Learning how her brain works and thinks and using her strengths to help her weaknesses.

We use diet and supplements and find that helps us. It doesn't make my kids not autistic, but it puts them in a better place to learn new skills and be calmer and happier which makes life better all around.

There is a great article about this on www.asdrendrewolf.org under the "healthwise" tab on the top bar. There Julie explains very well why diet helps our kids and what are some things to do. IT is a bit overwhelming and we have been taking babysteps toward diet change.

Medications work in the same way, helping symptoms so that the child can learn and function more easily. I know suzi knows more about those than I do.

Hope that Helps.

Welcome and Hugs.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 10:38pm

Wow, this is a timely thread for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 9:19am

Amanda,

Actually, thank *you*.

Reading and reserching this stuff and identifying so closely with it, was one of the things which prompted me to call my neurologist and see about getting formally DXed myself (ADHD).

-Paula

-Paula

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 4:28pm

Renee, I think thats so true(sometimes have to let them fail). Thats what I'm saying is right now we are not fighting, he's doing his work (his way) the calls are coming in like crazy from the teachers, but your right they ned to deal with it, and not look at me like a crazy person when I say theres an issue. AHhhhhh....I feel relieved!

Amanda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 4:30pm

Well good for you!!! I hope what you find is helpful for you1

Amanda

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