How do I help him remember things?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
How do I help him remember things?
10
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 2:40pm

SHort intro. first- I'm Jane, mom to ds Noah (age 9) and we have an unofficial diagnosis of Aspergers He's in a gifted school and very high functioning. He just will never be voted "Prom King" or "Most Popular", etc..- so the majority of his problems are social skills related - not all though......He's an awesome kid he just has a horrible memory for some things.

Here's my question - is this Aspergers or just 9 yr. old boy syndrome? I can tell my son at 9:00 in the morning "Noah at 10:00 we are going to the library" and in between that time he will do other stuff and then at 10:00 as we get ready to go the library he says "where are we going????" I can give many other examples of his apparent short term memory loss. He does OK in school as far as remembering -with much help from me!- there is the occasional forgetful day when he doesn't bring home an assignment book or lunchbag, (But he has forgotten to stay at school for chess club and got on the bus to come home) I don't expect him NOT to forget things but sometimes what he forgets just makes me scratch my head.

He has told me, after I have shown extreme exasperation with his memory lapses, "Mom it's just that darn part of my brain that doesn't listen to things I don't care about" So is that just a 9yr. old talking or a 9 yr. old Aspie talking? is he just "the Absent Minded Professor?

And...most improtantly how do you help your child remember things if they have this problem?

Thanks!
Jane

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Registered: 02-24-2004
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 4:51pm

Jane,

Welcome to the board! I have a 9yr old NT....and he doesn't forget quite that much. But I have a 7yr old HFA....and his memory comes and goes all the time!!!

I don't think it's a 9yr old thing, I think it does relate more Aspergers. My son seems to have a one track mind. So, when he's thinking about something, he's really concentrating on it...and then forgets other things. We have the same problem here too, about telling him that we're going to the store later...and then he'll suddenly ask me, "where are we going?" and I'll even get the "why?" question too!!!! Even though we had already discussed it.

Nathan (7yr old) will also forget if he's used the bathroom or brushed his teeth!!!! When he's stressed, his memory loss happens more often. But he has a great memory for other things!!! Words, books, places we've been, lines and phrases from movies and cartoons, etc. He remembers little detailed things too...that just blow my mind. But for some reason, he can NEVER find the toy he was just playing with, 2seconds ago!!!!!

As far as helping them to remember. I don't really have an answer for that one. What I do, is just repeat myself all the time. Lots of repetition. Since your son is 9...writing down little notes for reminders, might help him too. I plan to do this with Nathan when he gets a bit older. He just started reading, so I haven't implemented that as of yet. I do have to keep track of him and all of his schoolwork....and everything else. At least until he's old enough to start doing more on his own.

michelle

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Registered: 11-12-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 7:57pm

Thank you so much for your reply! Nathan sounds EXACTLY like Noah! Noah will forget whether he ate breakfast, brushed his teeth, etc. But just like your son can remember things he's interested in. I got so tired of repeating the morning school routine that I finally had him write out a checklist and tape it to the bathroom mirror. If you can believe it, at first, he FORGOT to look at the list!! But (like you) with much repetition he finally does everything without being reminded. I think it's also that visual thing- some kids need to see something to get it into their brain. I'm going to try to be creative with the reminder notes.
I need to buy a lifetime supply of sticky notes for him!

Thanks again
Jane

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Registered: 02-24-2004
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 8:19pm

Jane,

You know they have the cutest sticky notes out these days too!!! Noah may even LIKE that even more! I'll keep those sticky notes in mind!!

michelle

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:28pm

It is SOOOOO an aspie thing.

One of the biggest areas of need with many kids with AS/ASD is executive function. That part of the brain that helps us plan, organize, remember, prioritize, etc. Many of our kids will be co-diagnosed with ADHD because of poor organization and those kinds of things.

Also, they tend to get really REALLY lost in thier worlds and thoughts so they lose track of the rest of life. That thing about going to the library you mentioned. Well it doesn't have to be an hour with Mike, it can be 5 minutes and something routine like going to school. If he gets lost in his own world or an obsession he completely forgets.

My tips.

1) VISUALS!!!! Make visual lists of things that are coming up. Sticky notes are great. We have a chalkboard in the kitchen and in each kids rooms for these kinds of things. So if I have given them a set of directions they need to follow I will write it down so they can check them off. So on Saturday if I want them to Dust thier room, vacuum, take out laundry, etc etc. It goes in thier room on their chalkboard. Then on the kitchen chalkboard goes the list of main house chores I need done for the day.

2) Make sure to get thier attention and have them repeat what you said. Otherwise I am never sure if they actually heard me or not. Plus saying it helps him to remember. I have to demand more than an "uh-huh" or they may not have heard it.

3) Frequent reminders as transitions approach. "remember, at 10:00 we are going to the library", "In 10 minutes we are leaving for the library", etc.

Renee

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 6:40am

OK.....the emoticon makes no sense, but I wanted to see what it looked like! LOL

Renee......loved your post and am printing it out! I do something like the chalkboard but on paper. I like the board idea better; your post will remind me.

About sticky notes......they make some that are lined and look like 3x5 note pads...I love them for lists and quick notes! I can write larger and legibly because of the lines (I can't write as fast as I think AND I'm an artist which = bad handwriting :) And the sticky part stays put on the grocery store cart handle (yes, I have left the list on some random shelf at the store and have had to go searching for it....done that with my purse too actually!)

Geeze......I wonder where Sam gets it....I guess I'll be a good role model since I've learned to write things dowm and plan....etc.

Chrystee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 9:44am

Love the stickies on the shopping cart. I am so going to do that. I usually lose my list in the bottom of my purse or jacket pocket, lol. That is if I remember to bring it in in the first place. I guess apples don't fall to far from trees....

As for the chalkboard, there is chalkboard paint that you can buy and paint right onto the wall. Really easy. We drew out a square, painted 2 coats and then put wood trim around the edges. My walls are bumpy so they don't make the best chalkboard. I should have scraped them first.

Also, one thing we would have liked to do but just didn't was to attach a piece of sheet metal to the wall, paint that with chalkboard paint and put trim around it. Nice smooth surface AND magnetic for sticking up magnets and notes!

The kids also have corkboard in thier rooms for those papers and such for things they need to remember. Mikes social story with pictures of choices for when he is angry is on his. Cait has her schedule for youthgroup on hers, etc. Schedules, etc go there. Right over thier desks.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 4:07pm

Thanks to all for the great responses! I have done the list thing but sort of on a hit or miss basis - not consistently enough. I guess I was just hoping that he would just "get it" or it would happen on its own - but now that we know he is definitely an Aspie it explains a lot and makes me less likely to get frustrated with him.

VISUALS, VISUALS, VISUALS -

I also am going to look for some cool post-it notes - any Harry Potter post it notes out there -thats his latest obsession???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 10:06pm

Geez, if you find HP post its let me know. Gotta MAJOR HP obsession going on here as well. Haven't had one this long for a while. Even his guinea pig is named Pigwidgeon. He is re-reading the books again. And even is growing his hair and won't let it be cut so it is messy like harry's and his dad's.

I think it is beginning to wind down a bit though.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2005
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 8:25am

Boy do I hear ya!

My son gets up in the morning and the very first thing he does is open his Harry Potter book and start reading. If I didn't interrupt him he probably would just not eat breakfast or get dressed.

He mostly likes to think about how cool it would be to be able to levitate or go to a school like Hogwarts (his dream)

Luckily, our library is having a "Hogwarts Happening" in April- 3 hours!of Harry party stuff - my son will be in heaven!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 9:22am

That would be really cool! How fun!

Mike insists on having all the books he is reading in his backpack. Currently he is into reading 3 books at one time. Order of the pheonix (huge and hardcover), socerer's stone, and a book called "Hatchet". Finally SOMETHING different. He got it from the school library.

His backpack must weigh 20 pounds with all that but he insists on having it and carrying it all himself.

I think we are stsrting to move out of the obsession a little. He is reading Hatchet where he used to just keep the library books in his backpack. He gets one out every week because he is supposed to but he doens't get HP because we have them at home. So they just would sit in the backpack. He also is back into playing PacMan video game. For a while it was only the HP video games, reading HP, watching HP, and BEING Harry. Good thing I liked the books too because there was also constant questions about HP.

Mike would like to go to hogwarts too and has been known to try and jinx things. He says he needs a real wand.

There is this place in N. California near where we are going on vacation this year that is basically a diagon Alley. We totally plan on visiting it.

Renee

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